Being myself the fruit of interracial marriage and currently, in an interracial relationship, I have experienced a different level of difficulties coming from the union of people of various backgrounds, origins, and cultures.

Here below are some tips on navigating an interracial relationship, giving you an insight into what you could face. Keep in mind that I am speaking from my mixed-raced point of view, but I do believe that these ideas and examples could help anybody.

1. Have an honest discussion with your partner

Communication is key. Acknowledge and talk about the interracial aspect of your relationship and what it means to you. 

It is important to talk about your roots, what you have faced in the past, and how you feel about it. Sharing your experiences, opinions, and fears will help you understand each other more. 

2. Help them to educate themselves

Be ready to give answers to your partner. Sometimes it will be easy and fun, like explaining the ingredients of a popular dish, but some questions will be harder to answer, especially when they relate to discrimination, racism, and misrepresentation.

Sharing different resources on the subject could be a good way to support what you clarified and help your partner enrich their knowledge through various sources and opinions. 

Use the formats you prefer: articles, videos, movies, series, podcasts… It’s also a great way to introduce the subject to them if you don’t feel comfortable enough to bring it up by yourself.

3. Discuss boundaries

You should feel safe and supported in every aspect of your relationship. Be clear about what is okay and what is not from the get-go.

I feel proud saying that my boyfriend has no patience for ethnic jokes, but in some situations, you may have to explain why a certain behavior or a specific word or expression is crossing the line.

4. Prepare for problematic situations

I am lucky enough to never have been in a situation where I feared for my life due to my race. Nevertheless, I have been called racial slurs, I have been followed by security guards in stores, I have been treated badly. 

Go through the different situations you could face with your partner, and discuss what to do in case there is a problem.

Some of the scenarios you touch upon might not seem as grave as others, but it doesn’t mean they are not important.

For example, I have come to the point where I am sick of people asking me where I come from, especially if they did not even bother to ask for my name first. After explaining it to my boyfriend, we agreed on an answer to give if people were to ask him where I was from.

5. Have realistic expectations

You cannot expect your partner to be aware of every issue, to be well educated on all race related subjects or to perfectly understand how you feel. You should come to terms with the fact that you are different and that your experiences and opinions may differ.

Race has become a complex matter and the ongoing injustice is both tiring and infuriating. But do not lose patience with your partner, be aware of the learning curve, and forgive clumsy behaviors.

6. Do not give friends and family a free pass

Your friends and your family (including your partner’s friends and family) are most likely the people you will spend the most time with, apart from your colleagues.

Do not put up with behaviors and comments that make you uncomfortable for the sake of being polite or avoiding family drama, it will only postpone the problem.

Feeling integrated into your partner’s family is hard enough, and having to explain to your partner why their uncle’s remarks hurt you may be tough, but is necessary.

7. Fight your own fights

With that being said, do not expect your partner to become a feisty anti-racism advocate. Being in an interracial relationship is not a political stand.

I have been in situations where I hoped my partner had said something about an invasive question a family member had asked me or a careless comment a friend made. But even if we should support and defend each other, it doesn’t mean that what bothers me should be his responsibility.

8. Build your support system

I have learned in the past few years that there are some things you cannot truly understand until you have faced them: sometimes your partner will have a hard time sympathizing with you. 

This is why it is important to have a good support system, to have friends or relatives with similar experiences you can go to rant and talk about your life. Your support system could also take the form of a blog where you find information and stories that will make you feel less alone. Find a system that works for you.

In conclusion, like with any other relationship, it all boils down to communication and knowledge. An interracial relationship just amplifies the necessity to be open-minded, respectful, and caring. Being there for each other no matter what and always trying to understand your partner is the best way to overcome obstacles together.

I first heard about digital pollution while mindlessly scrolling on my phone. I came across a couple of infographics about the environmental impact of data centers and smartphone use. They explained that a simple click on a website had a significant energy cost or that electronic waste (comprising cell phones, computers, tablets…) was growing at a fast pace.

Digital pollution encompasses the waste due to the production of electronic devices, the pollution stemming from our Internet usage and digital habits and the environmental cost of the end-of-live and recycling of the used devices.

Consequently, a lot of questions came to my mind about the impact of the digitization of our lives. After some research, I could gather a few things we can do to have a more eco-friendly digital life:

1. Monitor your inbox

Sending and storage of emails consume an enormous amount of energy, given the number of messages that are sent and stored every day.

You could make a habit of regularly classifying your inbox, to help you delete all of the emails you won’t read again and forgot about.

To avoid receiving unnecessary emails in the first place, think about unsubscribing from newsletters and advertising emails you’re no longer interested in.

Don’t forget to empty your recycle bin!

2. Weigh up the pros and cons before sending an email

Sending less emails and lighter messages is the goal here. The bigger the email, the more it pollutes.

Grouped emails tend to get longer and longer as the various recipients respond. If possible, avoid transferring one’s answer to the whole group, or prefer other ways to get the information to multiple people, like using a group chat.

Moreover, images, gifs, videos and all attachments weigh down an email. 

If you have one, you could remove any image or animation from your email signature. Regarding attachments, if the document you are sending is accessible on the web, maybe share the link instead of sending a copy. If not, consider compressing the file before sending the email.

3. Mind your streaming

Videos online, whether that be a music video, porn or your favorite streaming service, represent important traffic. Like any other accessible data, they need to be stored and sent to you via different pieces of equipment. What’s more, the higher the resolution, the more data has to be sent and the more energy is required. 

What you could do is watch videos in lower resolution. I am guilty of selecting a higher resolution when watching videos on my smartphone, where the screen is not that big.

Keep this information in mind when listening to music too. If you listen to the same songs over and over, downloading and having a physical copy (on a CD or a hard drive) could be a good way to avoid streaming.

4. Make your browsing more efficient

When using a search engine, your requests go back and forth between you and various data centers a few times before you reach the information or website you were looking for.

The idea is to limit the use of a search engine or access the piece of information you are looking for quicker. Instead of typing the name of a website in your search engine, you can directly type its URL in your browser. If it’s a website you regularly use, do not hesitate to add it to your favorites.

When looking for information, try and make requests as precise as possible to increase your chances of finding what you want on your first try.

There are a few eco-friendly search engines available for use. One of them may suit your needs.

And do not forget to close the tabs you no longer need!

5. Think about how you store your data

Keeping files in a cloud also raises the issue of energy-consuming data centers that need constant cooling down. 

In my case, I only keep documents that I would need on the go, like articles I am working on or shared spreadsheets with my boyfriend.

In all other cases, I keep a copy of important files on an external hard drive, or on a memory stick. I also try and carry a USB drive with me when I’m out. 

In conclusion, prefer having physical copies (even multiple ones for really important files) when you can, instead of having all of your holiday pictures on the cloud for example.

6. Use and choose your devices carefully

Let’s start with choosing a new device. When buying a new phone or laptop, try and compare the performance and specifications of the models you are interested in, so that you get eco-friendlier devices.

Later, take care of your devices and try and repair them when you can, instead of buying new ones. You can also purchase second-hand.

In your day to day life, power off or unplug what you are not using (you will also save money on your electricity bill that way) and look for economy parameters like screen brightness or standby modes, that could help you consume less energy.

Finally, if your smartphone reaches its end-of-life, recycle or dispose of it in a conscious way.

Don’t forget to question yourself about your daily habits and their impact and consequences. Challenging and reassessing our usual way of living is one of the first steps to improve and get closer to a more sustainable lifestyle.

Whether you are preparing to live with your partner, or already cohabiting and wanting to find a better arrangement, a lot of questions can surface. How do you divide the tasks? How do you decide who does what? How do you achieve a system that seems fair to both of you? 

These issues may be seen as trivial but there is no one-size-fits-all solution.

Here below are some tips to help you find a system that is right for you.

And be sure to get your free chore splitting chart print out.

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1. List what needs to be done 

In my opinion, the first thing to do is write an exhaustive list of what has to be done daily, weekly, monthly and annually. 

It’s a good basis to divide the tasks, but it can also be a way for everyone involved to see how much goes into having a clean and functional home (since some tasks may be “invisible” to the other person).

Housekeeping related obligations are the ones that first come to mind, but do not forget about administrative and supply related tasks. This list could include paying the bills, doing the grocery shopping, taking medical appointments, planning events and holidays… All of these tasks need thinking ahead and time to be accomplished.

2. Talk about what seems fair to both of you 

Depending on your situation, you may want to approach a 50/50 distribution of the tasks. Know that it can be achieved in different ways and that it is not the only solution. I think the key here is to realize that sharing the chores and responsibilities equally does not mean that each of you has to do the same amount of housework every day. 

A 50/50 ratio can be achieved over a week or even a few weeks, in accordance with your respective schedules. 

For example, if one partner works longer hours during the week, causing the other one to cook and clean on weekdays, they can take care of the cooking during the weekend, or deal with what can be done on the way home (picking up dry-cleaning or groceries, dropping off mail…).

Moreover, instead of halving the list of tasks, you could try and split individual tasks in two. Each of you could do their own laundry, or you could wash the dishes while the other dries and puts away the tableware. Some tasks can even be done together; folding bed sheets is easier with a partner!

3. Learn how to delegate

In the past, I have been guilty of wanting to divide the chores equitably, but at the same time supervising the tasks the other was responsible for. 

It is also common to take the easy way out and keep most of the tasks for yourself, especially if you feel like you are more organized or responsible than your partner. As you can imagine, these habits can be harmful and counterproductive. 

Sharing your life and your home with someone requires you to trust them and give them responsibilities. The best way to avoid having too much on your plate is to entrust your partner with the tasks that you now have to share.

4. Keep your preferences in mind when assigning the tasks

When I was in high school, I lived for a year with my dad only. During this time we agreed that as long as he took care of the cats (food, litter and medical care if needed) I would clean the shared spaces, such as the kitchen or living room. We both cleaned our private spaces (bedroom and bathroom), and did our own laundry.

Based on what we liked, did not mind doing or wanted to avoid (in my case, emptying the litter box) we came up with an arrangement that worked for us. 

I would clean the house on the weekend, while my dad was out at work or going grocery shopping. Our respective tasks both fit our preferences and our timetables.

5. Take note of your non-negotiables 

When completing the list of tasks that need to be done (see above), you’ll likely realize that your needs and notions of cleanliness and hygiene are different from your partner’s. This means that some tasks will not resonate with one partner and each partner will want chores to be done in different ways or frequencies.

For example, if you like your clothes to be folded in a specific manner, but your partner doesn’t see the point in using the KonMari method, you should maybe take care of putting away clothes instead of trying to convince someone to adapt to your way of doing things.

6. Outsource or automate want you can

There are chores that both of you won’t want to tackle. It will make it harder to come to an agreement on who does what and when. Maybe you both dislike mowing the lawn or you would really like to avoid going out to do the groceries.

In some cases, you will be able to hire professionals that will take care of these dreaded chores. You can also look for services that will help you automate some of the tasks. Why not have your food staples automatically delivered at your house?

Speaking of automation, use shared calendars and reminders at your advantage!

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7. Plan and define rules together

Depending on how you divide the tasks and how easy it is for both of you to find motivation, you could find planning together helpful. 

Having fixed days for specific chores, or a flexible calendar if you have more of an unpredictable schedule, can help assure that the tasks will be completed. This way, you will also be able to track your progress and create an efficient routine over time.

You could, for example, set a 30-minute slot to clean the house on Friday after work. Or you could decide by common consent that laundry will have to be done by Sunday night, or that you will have to clean your car out once a month.

8. Let go of your expectations and frustrations 

One of the biggest risks when sharing chores and responsibilities is to end up arguing or nagging when the tasks are not finished or executed as expected.

What should you do when you have to ask over and over for something to be done? If it happens regularly, you may want to rethink your system and have an honest talk with your partner.

Maybe they do things differently, and it is starting to irritate you. Ask yourself it is really important? Does doing it your way really make your life easier?

The most important thing is to not let frustration or resentment grow. Discuss the situation with your partner, and rather than listing what they did wrong, or did not do, ask them about their process and explain your needs.

To conclude, remember that there is no point in comparing yourselves to other couples. They may have totally unalike arrangements due to different dynamics and schedules. Housekeeping is a part of daily life, but is not a subject worth quarreling over. As always, good communication and understanding are key.

But how do you get better when you don’t have the time or means to travel for an extended period of time? 

I faced this issue last year, when I decided I wanted to spice up my Spanish before a ten-day solo trip to Madrid and Bilbao, Spain.

I had decent basics, but I wanted to be able to have everyday interactions without having to speak a single word of English.

So, I saved 30 minutes per day to work on grammar and conjugation during my lunch break, but I needed to find ways to really practice, by speaking and listening to the language in a similar way to what I would be doing during my trip.

Fortunately, there are a few actions anyone can take to incorporate more of the language they are trying to master into their daily life. 

Here are the tips I used to recreate an immersion at home, plus ideas to practice and do exercises for people who already have a basic level of understanding and speaking and want to improve their language skills at home. 

1. Listening and watching content only in your desired language

The first step to mimic an immersion is to consume content in that language every day, just like you would be if you were in another country. How about challenging yourself to start a new series in German? You can also find a new podcast to listen to while commuting to work.

Don’t worry about understanding everything. The point is to get used to hearing the language and recognize some words and structures. Eventually, your comprehension will get better.

2. Reading different types of texts

For a lot of people, reading comprehension is easier than oral comprehension. Try and find resources in your desired language: news, recipes, specific articles.

I used to read lifestyle content in Spanish or the news in Portuguese to help me with comprehension. Spending time deciphering a text is a lot easier if you enjoy the theme. For example, you could read Harry Potter related content in Arabic or a tutorial on weaving in Japanese if it can motivate you to read more.

3. Changing language on your devices

If you feel confident enough about your ability to switch back to your native language if needed, change the language settings on your computer or smartphone. This would be a good way to learn technical and specialized words that you would not necessarily find in books but would be useful in a day-to-day conversation.

I have had my GPS set on Portuguese for a long time now. After a few weeks, I had learned all the vocabulary necessary to understand an itinerary or give directions.

4. Writing your grocery list in that language

Every time you have to write down something, do it in your desired language instead of your mother tongue. That way, you will enrich your vocabulary with common words that you would have to use on a daily basis if you lived in another country. 

Writing your grocery list, making web searches, taking notes and writing down ideas… these are all opportunities to exercise your language skills.

5. Talking to yourself

Narrating your life out loud could help you pinpoint words you don’t know and practice pronunciation. When following a recipe, explain to yourself what you have to do in the language you are learning. 

If you don’t feel comfortable speaking audibly, try thinking in the other language. For example, next time you start to plan your week in your head, make a conscious effort to do so in Mandarin Chinese.

6. Using songs at your advantage

Singing along to your favorite songs in a different language can be an opportunity to practice pronunciation with a direct example, as well as learning new words and expressions. It is also a fun way to train and memorize vocabulary.

Moreover, culture and language are closely connected: learning a language will not be complete without learning about the culture, and music is part of it!

7. Writing down words you don’t understand

I would recommend taking notes in a specific notebook (or create notes in your smartphone) and writing down all the words that you don’t understand or don’t know how to say. That way, you can look them up later and build a custom vocabulary list that will be useful to you. Maybe try and form thematic lists, which will help you review the words more easily and learn more effectively.

8. Finding a language buddy

Is there a friend you can text in Romanian with? Perhaps you know people that are multilingual or have a really good level in a particular language. Chances are they will be happy to text or even speak in another language with you. Just ask.

Nevertheless, you don’t have to exchange with someone that already masters your desired language, sharing your experience and progress with someone trying to improve the same language that you do could help too, and make you feel more at ease if you are afraid to talk to a fluent speaker. 

At the start, you may feel like you are struggling to understand or communicate, but don’t give up! I remember that when I first started watching movies in Spanish, I would only understand part of the sentences, but now I don’t need subtitles anymore.

Keep in mind that learning a new language requires time and dedication. The best way to improve your skills is to work at it regularly, even if you can only free half an hour a day available in your schedule. Little by little, you will see your vocabulary expand, your pronunciation improve and you will be closer and closer to mastering a new language. 

To complete this assessment, you first have to be honest with yourself and evaluate the status of each goal. You still have time to make your resolutions happen! Use the upcoming deadline as motivation and make these last few weeks both productive and rewarding.

Don’t forget to be proud of what you have accomplished this year and be happy with the incredible things you have achieved, now let’s see what you can do with the remaining ones:

 1. Schedule it now

Some of your goals may be one-time actions: cleaning a wardrobe, going to the dentist for a check-up… Consequently, these can easily be done in the last weeks of the year if planned for now. Fix any appointment needed, set a few hours per week aside and reserve these slots in your calendar. This way, you will be able to tackle each task one after the other. But be careful not to overfill your schedule, there is no need to make the end of the year more stressful.

2. Create new habits just in time for the new year

This category is for people who wanted to sleep more, go to the gym regularly or lessen screen time. It’s not too late to create a new routine! The few weeks left before the new year can be enough to get used to do the dishes every day before bed, or put sunscreen on every morning. 

To check your progress and motivate yourself, you could mark on a calendar the days you accomplish your new task. In a few weeks, once you get into the groove, you may feel like you’ve been doing it all year.

3. Adjust or modify goals

While it may seem like cheating, modifying the end goal is better than giving up on doing it. Maybe you thought you could read 12 books this year, but life got in the way. Why not reevaluate your goal and make it 6 books? This way, you will have the opportunity to work towards an objective that is attainable and still aligned with your original idea.

4. Set up for next year

If your resolution was to master a new skill, you could consider taking an introductory class. This will help you get a foot on the ladder, and give you the basic knowledge which you can build on. Try and find resources, perhaps buy equipment to be prepared to start learning and developing this skill next year. 

Did you want to take a solo trip? Start planning for it now to travel early next year. Lay the groundwork now to be sure to cross this resolution off of your list next year.

5. Combine efforts with a friend

As stated before, you’re surely not the only one trying to achieve your last goals of the year. You could talk to your friends and relatives and see if some of the resolutions they have left match yours. 

Maybe your cousin is also trying to get into the habit of going to yoga classes once a week. You could go there together and be accountable to one another. Or perhaps one of your friends was also planning on donating furniture and electrical devices they don’t use anymore, and you could join them to drop things off.

The key here is to find motivation with other people. Don’t be afraid to ask for help too if you need it!

6. Pay for it

This applies to the situations where you were planning on doing something yourself but could have it done by a professional. 

In my case, I had been trying to go to a self-service laundry to wash and dry some pieces of heavier winter clothing all summer long, but never seemed to find the time. I ended up going to the dry cleaner’s and while it costed money, it freed up time for myself and helped me complete one more resolution.

7. Just forget it

Re-evaluate some of the goals you created at the beginning of the year. Maybe the goal was unattainable or did not fit your lifestyle (learning 15 new songs on the piano, attending drawing lessons three times a week). Maybe your priorities shifted and this resolution didn’t take precedence. 

Try and think about why it didn’t work out and how you could set better goals for next year. It could help you get an idea of what is really important for you, and what you have the capacity and drive to make time for. You can turn this uncompleted resolution into an opportunity to learn about yourself.

Finally, I would recommend doing this reassessment exercise regularly throughout the year. It could really help you go through your resolutions list with a more effective and suited approach.

Nevertheless, the most important thing to learn from this evaluation is how to choose better goals for yourself. Create goals that fit your way of living and timetable, your short-term and long-term objectives, and help you become the person you aspire to be.

My partner and I are nowhere close to tying the knot (I am telling you this to prevent him from getting scared when he reads these lines), but as a planner, I tend to think in detail about anything and everything. My hypothetical wedding celebration is no exception.

After thinking about what type of food I would like to be served during the reception, or if end of September would be a good time to get married, I realized that what I envisioned did not seem to fit with the usual wedding etiquette. 

The idea of a magnificent ceremony, with dozens of pairs of eyes looking in my direction, brings discomfort and anxiety in my mind. Formal, planned out nuptials now seem a bit theatrical and unnatural to me. 

What happens when you dislike being the center of attention? How do you navigate a day like this as an introvert when you have such a special status? How do you deal with the expectations you, your partner and your guests have?

Taking these questions into consideration, I pinpointed what could be a source of worry and tried to find solutions and adjustments to help:

The preparation

Planning a wedding means having to contact numerous vendors : a caterer, wedding officiant, photographer, florist, a DJ…

I know that all of these interactions can be stressful for some introverts, who struggle with making phone calls and meeting unknown people.

Consider asking your partner, friends or family for some help. You could delegate or partner together in order to tackle the tasks you do not feel comfortable handling by yourself. Having some support when planning such a big event is always a plus!

Another way to avoid having to deal with a lot of people at once could be to hire a wedding planner, which means having one intermediary to take care of the exchanges with the vendors.

The guest list

I firmly believe that who you do things with is more important than what you do. Being surrounded by supportive, loving and caring people on your wedding day should be the number one priority when you and your partner decide on the guest list.

A good rule of thumb is to only invite people that would be missed if they were not there. It may seem harsh, but negative, complaining or usually criticizing people will not take part in our wedding, even if they’re family.

Knowing that the people invited will enjoy sharing that special event with you, even if the wedding cake is not their taste, will cut on unnecessary stress both when planning and on the big day.

Shortening the guest list also means that you could feel more at ease, celebrating with fewer people.

The venue

The places you choose will give the tone of the ceremony and reception. A cozier house may suit your needs more than a spacious hotel wedding venue would.

I know that when it comes to planning events, especially a long time in advance, I feel better when everything seems under control.

As a consequence, I would consider choosing an indoor venue (as much as I swoon over photographs of string lighted outdoor receptions), just so I can have my piece of mind and not have to worry about the weather on the wedding day.

If you are prone to think and obsess about the worst-case scenarios, try and pick a solution that will have less imponderables.

The wedding apparel

Wedding dresses and suits are one of the focal points of a wedding. Your taste and wedding theme (if you have one) should guide your decisions.

I know that clothes that do not feel like me, restrict my movements or require regular adjusting will impact negatively on my wedding experience, more so when feeling like all eyes are on me.

My advice would be to not feel pressured into getting a wedding outfit you do not truly want and fully feel comfortable in, just because you feel like you should meet relatives’ expectations or follow rules that dictate how white or lacy a wedding dress should be.

The photographs

I usually tend to avoid being photographed at all costs. Nevertheless, I know that I will make a special effort to get out of my comfort zone for this unique day.

My advice would be to talk about your concerns with your photographer, and maybe ask for more candid or group photographs.

Moreover, an engagement shoot could be a good way to get used to having your picture taken and could also be an opportunity to get to know your photographer better, so you feel more relaxed on your wedding day.

Seeing the great photographs that result from this first shoot could also become an extra boost to get you posing with ease!

The ceremony and reception

Regarding if you are having a religious, secular or nondenominational ceremony, they usually involve a large audience assisting.

I really can’t picture myself walking down the aisle, all eyes on me. If it is the case for you too, I would recommend only inviting close friends and family to the first part of the day, extending the number of participants for the reception and soirée.

You could also imagine a different setting that will allow you to not feel too exposed––maybe arriving with your partner instead of alone, sitting among the guests during the ceremony to avoid facing them. Do not hesitate bending the usual rules to suit your needs. This also applies to your choices when it comes to the first dance or how you choose to organize the evening party.

Additionally, scheduling some alone time with your spouse (even a few minutes) during the day could help you recharge your batteries.

With all that said, in my opinion, the most important thing is to communicate with your partner. You are not alone in this, and your soon-to-be spouse will be there to listen to your concerns and doubts about the wedding planning. Together, you could come up with ideas and solutions that will both match your personalities and meet your expectations, making you comfortable and the ceremony true to yourselves.

If in the end you cannot accommodate the day as you wished, try to remember why you and you partner decided to get married in the first place.

No matter what happens, focusing on celebrating the love you share will make this day more than enjoyable.