I don’t have any issues with the traditional college degree, after all, I’m finishing up my own master’s degree currently. However, I am interested in the path least taken. The untraditional path, not paved by a paper you receive, or class schedule nicely structured for you. I’m interested in the opportunity of abandoning the structure of college and finding success on your own.

My husband is a software engineer working at a tech company in Los Angeles. He was pursuing his B.S in Computer Science but dropped out. He is completely self-taught in his field and his career was growing faster than his education. So, he took the risk and put his success in his own hands. He learned as much as he could from his job and found learning platforms online. He was able to grow in his role on his own, without a college education. Even though he works alongside engineers who do possess a degree, he is constantly learning as much as he can to keep up.

So, while there are a ton of statistics out there on how you can earn more money over your lifetime with a college degree; I want to challenge it. I personally think college is worth it for several reasons when: (1) you are going into a VERY specific field that requires a degree, (2) you really want the college experience, (3) you want to be exposed to a different learning environment that can challenge you. I personally think with the rising cost of college, a lot of these experiences can be found elsewhere for much cheaper.

So, let’s say you are considering a path outside the college route. What are some ways you can be successful without doing the traditional route?

Research, research, research

Remember, in most companies, not having a college degree can be a barrier to entry. That’s the truth. So, before you go and decide to drop out, be realistic. What industry do you want to work in? How much do you want to make? What kind of schedule do you want to have? I’m not saying you can’t create that on your own, but it can be challenging. Look up your desired job title and check out online postings. Browse if they even require a degree to apply.

Careers you can do without a degree

After some research, I’ve narrowed down some careers you can do without a degree.

• Software engineer, coding, and anything in that arena – There are a lot of coding academies (Ironhack, Appacademy, Flatiron School, Bloc, and General Assembly) that are willing to teach you what you need to know to succeed. Most programs vary in length and cost, you have to do some research and see what’s best for you. Flatiron School does offer scholarships to women in tech.
• Paralegal Assistant – A lot of community colleges offer certificate programs for this field. This is another great field with an impressive salary and a lot of growth. Also, starting as a paralegal might expose you to the industry and open up more opportunities in the legal market.
• Hairstylist – Typically requires some certification and training (depending on where you live). The sky is the limit with income potential as stylists have a lot of avenues where they can work.
• Real estate agent – Requires some courses (depending on where you live) and licensure. Another very exciting field with a lot of upward mobility.
• Entry-level jobs – If you want to do HR or be a clinic manager, you can start in a smaller role within a company and grow your way up. I had a clinic manager at a previous job who had no degree and just worked her way into her role. I also have a friend who does marketing for law firms who shares you can get a start in higher-level administrative roles by applying for a receptionist position first. She also said you can apply directly to those roles as well, based on your experience and what the firm is looking for.
• Your own business – If you have a product or service to offer, you can scale your business. A lot of skills are offered online for either free or low-cost. For example, if you want to learn how to market your product/service, one quick YouTube or google search and you have a treasure chest of information.

Mentor

Find a career mentor you trust that can advise you on the best path for you. This can be a friend or someone you work with. Join a women’s business group on Facebook or a Meetup business group (preferably done virtually right now due to COVID). Also, might be worth investing in a life coach or career coach who can help guide you on the right path. Together you can make a pros/cons list of your choices, explore new careers, and brainstorm options. 

If you haven’t heard of Rob Dial, you will after this article. He offers tangible tips and insights in the personal development sphere.

An added bonus, his episodes are pretty short and easy to digest (perfect for a gal on the go). 

As I was listening to this episode, I decided to take an inventory of my own life. I know it’s a hard time in the world in general and it’s okay to lean into that too.

Ultimately, when you are ready to come back to the table and engage in your life – this is the place to start. It’s important to understand how our decisions ultimately impact our lives. It’s important to focus on what we can control.

With all that being said, I’d like to invite you to take an honest inventory of your life alongside me. No judgments and no blame.

Let’s keep it real here and be authentic in this exercise. The results might shock you and that’s okay. Ultimately, if you are here, reading a blog like this, you are on a growth journey anyway. Part of growth is holding yourself accountable and calling yourself out on the BS. 

Let’s start by understanding the different categories that encompass this.

Rob Dial calls this “CRIPES” which stands for: Career, Relationship, Intellectual, Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual.

How to use Rob Dial’s CRIPES Method for yourself

As I’m going over each one, take out a pen and paper (unless you are a math pro and can calculate in your head). You are going to rate each category from 1-10. 1 would obviously be super unfulfilled/miserable/unhappy and 10 being you are thrilled, overjoyed, and exactly where you want to be.

Career

How do you feel about your career? Are you happy with your current job? Do you love showing up to work? What would you rate your career?

Relationships

Romantic/friendships/etc. These are the people in your life who you spend time with. How are those doing relationships doing? Are you happy with your partner and the quality of your friendships? What would you rate your relationships?

Intellectual

How is your personal development doing? How many books have you read or content consumed to further yourself? What would you rate yourself intellectually?

Physical

How do you feel? Do you keep a consistent workout schedule? How is your diet? Are you hitting your health + fitness goals?  What would you rate yourself physically?

Emotional

How do you feel daily? What is your overall mood like typically? What would you rate yourself emotionally?

Spiritually

How do you connect with yourself? How often do you meditate or practice yoga? Whatever spirituality means to you, do you invest time into it? What would you rate yourself spiritually?

Now, let’s add up everything.

Take the number from each category and add it up (for example: 5+5+5+5+5+5= 30). Then, take that number and divide it by 6 (since we have six categories). So, it should look like 30/6 = 5.

Move the decimal over one spot to the right. In this example, you would get 50%. This is an F for example (A=90-100, B=80-89, C=70-79, D=60-69, F=59 and below). 

So, what does your score look like? Are you happy with the number you got?

Take a look at what you just graded your life. I will share that I currently graded myself at a 43%. There are some areas of my life I have been neglecting. I hope you were honest with yourself in this activity.

An important message that Rob talks about during the episode for the CRIPES Method is taking a good hard look at that grade. It’s nothing to feel bad over but more so to note that this is it. This is your one life. Is that the grade you want to give this one life?

Luckily, not all is lost. You can improve if you want to.

Where to begin? Let’s begin right at this moment. Take that pen and paper and for each category list one thing you can do to improve for the next 30 days. I’ll provide an example below.

A month from now, grade yourself again. If you are even one letter grade up, that’s a huge improvement. It’s not about striving for perfection but being the best and happiest version of yourself. 

Sample:

Career = schedule time to figure out how to use a task management software so I’m spending less time on misc. admin tasks that aren’t moving me forward. 

Relationship = schedule in a rotating date night every Friday with a spouse and calendar in time with close friends beginning of the month. 

Intellectual = Read 10 pages of a self-development book. 

Physical = Commit to a workout program for five times a week for 30 minutes. 

Emotional = Invest in a hobby once per week that brings me joy. 

Spiritual = Take five minutes in the morning to meditate and journal. 

If you liked this activity, I recommend checking out the Mindset Mentor podcast for similar content. 

Reminder – you got this, you are powerful, and you are super capable. Go after all the things that light your heart up on fire. If not now, when?

Did you do the CRIPES method along with us? What was your experience?

When I had gotten there, my grandfather was on the floor and struggling to breathe. I held his hand as my husband called the paramedics. My grandfather was 82 and had multiple underlying health conditions, including heart failure. At that moment, I didn’t even think it could be the coronavirus. Not because I was ignorant of the fact, but because it didn’t feel like it would hit me or someone I loved. 

My grandfather tested positive for COVID-19 within 24 hours of his visit.

Each day he was there, I called and tried to get as many updates as I could from the nurse. At first, his condition was better. No one in my family was allowed to visit. My sister was able to face-time my grandfather for a few minutes to tell him that she loves him. Hospitals are strict with no visitors, and even allowing for facetime was a stretch. My grandfather was admitted into the ICU quickly after. 

When his condition declined, the doctors called to allow my family to say goodbye before he passed. This is the part you might not know. When a COVID victim is dying, you can’t even go into the room to hold their hand for the last time. If you are lucky, you will be allowed outside the room to see them one last time. My sister and I were fortunate that we were allowed at that time.

My hands were shaking as I stood outside the glass door, looking over at my frail grandfather, and knowing this is the last time I will see him. The hardest part was I had to keep six feet away from my own sister and couldn’t even comfort her as she wept next to me. The nurse handed me tissues as I said my goodbyes and told my grandfather how much I loved him. I felt like he held on a little longer for me and my sister because he waved goodbye to us. 

This virus takes away the most human aspect of losing someone – being able to hold, touch, and be in their presence.

The truth is, I didn’t think I would have to be writing this.

I didn’t think my grandfather would be a statistic.

The pain is unbearable, and I’ve been through deep loss before.

There is no way to prepare for what it’s like to lose someone during this pandemic because these aren’t normal times. My grandfather was a fearless person. He was unique in his learning style. When I was a kid and learning how to swim, he threw me in the pool, and I started swimming. He told me I can do anything I want to, and he taught me to not be afraid of the unknown. He always took my sister and me to the park as kids, and instead of hovering over us, he gave us space to grow and play. He always treated my sister and I like we were adults and capable, even from an early age. 

My story is one of so many. My heart goes out to everyone deeply affected by this. I am with you and one of you. I cry with you. 

There is no advice, tips, or words to make the pain any less heavy. Lean into your connections, delegate tasks, and feel everything. Take this time to tell the people in your life how much you love them. Don’t take anything for granted. Cherish every moment you get with the people that are close to you. 

My grandfather believed in living his life to the fullest and not being afraid. I wanted to pass that message on to all of you. Live your life without second-guessing your decisions and lean into the unknown because all you have is today. 

This article is dedicated to my fearless grandfather, who taught me to swim before I was ready to even dip my feet in the water. His courage, fearlessness, and zest for life will never be forgotten. 

While other districts talked about school closures, it seemed like it would never happen where I live. My best friend and I were making plans to celebrate the news of our internships. That was probably the last week of real normalcy that I would personally feel for some time. 

Within a few days, my district announced it would be closed with no set return date. This meant that I didn’t know how I would complete the practicum hours that were required from me. I also found out that the school was taking on fewer interns due to the virus, so I lost my internship with my first-choice district.

Around the same timeframe, I lost my part-time work as a substitute teacher due to the school closures. It was a lot to take in at first. I was stuck without work and without an internship for fall. I’m very fortunate that my husband still had his job during this difficult period and tried to find the silver lining. I’m a naturally optimistic person and one to always find the good in the bad. 

Then a few days ago, when I thought the worse was over, I got sick. At first, it was a burning feeling in my throat and then followed by chest pains. I called my doctor and was unsure if I had COVID-19 or another viral infection.

Turns out, I have pharyngitis – which is a viral infection. Luckily, I’m happy to report each day I am feeling better. This whole experience has shifted my mindset to what’s important at the core and how important it is right now to do the things that make you feel good and a little more normal. There is not a lot we can control right now other than our outlook and how we take care of ourselves and one another during this time. 

It’s okay to not know how to be okay during such an uncertain time. I’m sure just in the last few weeks, your life has shifted in ways you couldn’t predict. Give yourself some grace and be gentle.

I can’t tell you when this will get better, although I wish I could. However, I give you permission, if you feel you need it, to not have it all together at the moment.

Here are some helpful suggestions to feel better and help in your community during this rough period: 

1. Mental Health

Please check in with yourself. Invest in a therapist if you need to and don’t feel that you need to carry the weight of everything on your own. Open Path Psychotherapy Collective offers counseling on a sliding scale. 

Apps like Shine make incorporating positivity easier. The app has daily check-ins, meditations, and uplifting articles to read. 

Verywell wrote a piece about scheduling in time to worry. We are being bombarded with news and real-time facts all the time. Give yourself a break from checking-in all day and maybe schedule a time and have a cut-off period to when you view the news. 

2. Community 

Use this time to lean into your connections. Netflix released an extension feature where you can chat with your friends in real-time while watching a movie. 

Schedule virtual dinners or game nights. 

Make time for your girlfriends over video chats. 

If you are in a relationship, try scheduling a date night as it fits your schedule. Try a new project or hobby at home. 

3. Self-Care

Self-care during this time period can mean filing your unemployment benefits on time and seeing what other resources are available to you. Check-in with your local community agencies and sign up for what’s most appropriate.

If you are recently out of work and searching – try places like Flexjobs. They offer ample opportunities for virtual work in multiple fields. If you are someone who has a Bachelor’s degree and interested in teaching, look up places like VIPkid. There are also similar companies hiring for English speaking jobs. Palfish is another teaching platform that allows you to teach without a degree. 

Keep up some of your routines. If you normally do a morning routine – stick with it. For me, my morning routines have kept me a little saner. 

With gyms being closed, research at-home workouts that you enjoy. YouTube is a great resource in this case, with free workouts from companies like POPSUGAR. POPSUGAR offers workouts with or without equipment. I also love Beachbody due to its’ low cost and set programs you can follow. 

Now more than ever, it’s so important to keep up with your sleep habits. Ensure you are getting a solid night’s sleep. I use OLLY gummies that have melatonin and it helps me fall asleep at the same time each night. If you have Spotify, there are a lot of great podcasts that help with sleep (one of my favorites is “Nothing Much Happens”). 

4. Structure

I wrote another piece on productivity tips to try and I recommend checking that out to see what you can implement while you work from home.  

While I am currently not working, I am still a graduate student and still have a lot on my plate. Something I am implementing during this period is what I learned from the Shine app. It’s called 1/3/5 – 1 big thing, 3 medium things, and 5 small things. My days look a bit different as I am still getting over a viral infection, but I still like to make sure I’m accomplishing what’s most important in a non-rigid way. 

5. How to give back 

• Send out a job posting you see to a friend. 
• If you see resources you think would be helpful, share on your social media.  
• Support your local food bank.
• Follow guidelines on social distancing, stay home if you are sick, and please don’t hoard food. 
• If you are able to help, please consider donating to a non-profit during this time. 
• Support your local school districts during this time to help students most at need. 
• Offer assistance to at-risk neighbors buy purchasing groceries or medications for them. 
• Sometimes just sending a friend a funny meme or letting them know you are there – is more than enough. 

Most importantly, just know that you are doing your best. Lean into the good stuff, find small joys in your day, and remember we will all get through this somehow. I’d love to hear your tips during this time period. 

I’ll share some time management tools that I apply to my own life that have worked and others that I loved and just haven’t for me personally. 

As I grow older, I look at time differently. It’s a resource and one that is fleeting. So, my aim is to maximize my time to get the results I want to keep the needle moving forward. I know I have to account for my time to get to the goals I have. I also think with any tool you’re using, be flexible. You might be surprised how well something works for you that you didn’t think would. 

Here are some of the most effective tools I’ve used and tried:

Time Blocking

In essence, time blocking is scheduling out your entire day. If you use Google calendar or a physical planner, you would account for your time throughout the whole day. This would include your meals, work, workouts, etc. How you block your time is entirely up to you. You can leave spaces in the morning and maybe block 1:00-3:00 pm for task-oriented work. This gives you a visual of how your day will look and might help to ease your stress and anxiety as you can see how to fit everything in or when to move tasks around. 

Here is a visual of time-blocking below for my personal calendar schedule.  

This is the method I’ve used for years and personally found it effective. I find I can move things around easily and account for new obligations. When I plan to get a new project done, I account for the time and know that I can’t schedule or commit to anything else during that block.

This tool allows me to look back on the week before or month and see how my life looked. This is great when I reflect on what needs to change or stay the same. I could see this being a fit for someone who likes to have their entire day planned out and know what’s going on. I think this could work for anyone, even if you don’t like a strict schedule because you have the flexibility to move your blocks around or leave spaces open. 

Pomodoro Method

The Pomodoro Method was developed by Francesco Cirillo in the late 1980s. You basically work for 25 minutes and then take a 5-minute break. This system is a great way to dive into work without distractions as you know a break is coming up.

I think this could work well for college students more so than working professionals. College students have the flexibility of time in their schedules to design study schedules like this. I think when you are at work, you might have to adjust to strict deadlines.

While I think this method can be flexible because you can adjust the times, for me it didn’t work. Sometimes, I would feel like I’m just getting into the zone and super focused, and then I would have a break coming up but I didn’t want to lose my train of thought.

I will say, I think it’s worth giving it a fair shot. I go back to this tool and have a love/hate relationship with it. The benefits are that it keeps you in the zone and teaches you how to avoid distractions to stay on task. 

Recap & How-To:

• Figure out how much time your activity takes
• Set a timer for 25 minutes, and then take a 5-minute break
• During the 25 minutes, no phones, social media, or distractions. 

Power Hour 

Fun fact: I am an expert at finding other things to do to avoid the ACTUAL things I have to do. This was me for some time. Enter the power hour tool. What is this sorcery? It’s actually quite simple. You schedule in one hour to complete the tasks or projects you absolutely need to do.

During this hour, you avoid whatever it is that distracts you. I love this method the most because I feel like an hour isn’t such a big ask and you would be surprised at exactly how much you get done in those 60 minutes when you really commit yourself.

I think this method is applicable to everyone, with some caveats. If you get distracted easily just know that your first few times scheduling in your power hour might require some serious discipline. If you are setting aside an hour, that means an hour––not a solid 30 minutes of deep work and 15 minutes scrolling your Instagram and posting pictures of how hard you are working. 

Habit Tracking

I think this is one of the most powerful tools you can try. My husband ordered me the James Clear planner from Baronfig for tracking and it’s been a serious game-changer. I also just ordered “Atomic Habits” by James Clear that dives into this topic at length.

The truth is though, you don’t need a fancy tracker system to track your habits. I actually just used my phone or a planner I had on hand. I’d pick a few habits I’d want to monitor over the week and at the end of the day, I’d mark off if I did them or not.

So, for example, if your goal is to work-out 4 times a week, you would track your week and tally how many times you actually worked out vs what your goal was. I feel like it’s a nice way to be accountable to yourself and get a very clear visual on if you are meeting your own goals, and if you need to adjust or level-up.

I think this method is great for everyone to try and requires a minimal commitment of just making a few minutes to mark off if you did something or not. 

Let me know what methods you use and which one you like the best in the comments below.

It’s an interesting concept and one that requires a ton of emotional maturity on both ends. I dived deeper into the topic and read the piece by Alexandra Greiner on conscious uncoupling and how to break up like an adult. I highly recommend it if you are going through a break-up or divorce. 

I did wonder why there aren’t as many articles on consciously coupling though. It seems like a relatively new concept, even though some of us already practice it. Consciously coupling is a pretty simple concept: knowing what you want out of dating and being intentional about it. 

As Alexandra instructed in her article, I want to give a disclaimer and say that I am not a therapist, nor someone who has it all together. So, read with caution and take what you will. In my nine years of being with my significant other, I have learned a ton and speak from a place of trial and error. 

Wherever you are in your life: single, married, figuring your shit out – it’s never too late to know what you want out of your love life and how to level it up to meet that.

It all starts with a shift in your mindset. Most of us fall into patterns with our partners. Patterns that are built on our past traumas, heartbreak, and perceptions of love built from past partners or even your parents. As humans, we like to reference the past to understand what to expect in the future. When you think about it, it’s rational.

We need a blueprint to ensure we know what we are going into it. After all, as humans, it’s how we survived.

Here is where to start: 

1. Invest in yourself

I don’t care if you are single or married, take some time to understand yourself. You are in your head all day, but do you proactively take an active role in your own life, or are you the passenger?

This is going to be some tough love stuff. Do you have some habits you need to fix, traumas to resolve, unhealthy ways to deal with rejection? You don’t need to be your most perfect and shiny self to attract and continue a thriving relationship, but you do need to do the work to get there.

Seek out a therapist or read a good personal development book. Just do the work you need, so you can feel like your happiest, successful, and balanced self. You are your longest relationship, so invest in yourself first.

2. Know your core values and stick to them

If you are single, this is for you. Don’t compromise on your values.

Write it down or keep a mental inventory. It’s important to be flexible but there are some things you shouldn’t settle for. You go into a job interview knowing what salary you want, work environment, hours, etc. Treat dating as such.

If you want someone motivated, ambitious, and outspoken, for example, seek that out. If someone isn’t showing you those qualities after some time, move on. Don’t simply hope it will suddenly appear.

3. Pay attention

When you are dating, don’t just listen to respond. We all want to come off as impressive on the first few dates and we worry so much about what we are saying and how it sounds.

Truly listen to your date and ask questions that matter. You find out a lot about people from asking probing questions. I’ve honestly always been one to jump in pretty quickly and say something like – “what is something your closest friends don’t understand about you, but you wish they could?”

Is it forward? I think so. I always use a disclaimer with my questions by allowing the person to share what they feel comfortable sharing. The point is, ask important questions and you get the important answers. 

4. Is the marriage still serving you?

I have people ask me, “how do you know that your husband is your forever person?” I always answer, “he is for today.”

Statistically, most marriages end in divorce. Change your end goal from being married to having a healthy and happy marriage day-to-day.

When you are coupled off, you have the amazing experience to grow with someone and go through life challenges together. At several points, ask yourself if the person you are TODAY is still someone that is committed to what you have built with your partner.

As you change and grow, ask yourself if your goals, visions, dreams, and lives still align. If the answer is no, sit with it.

It doesn’t mean you are headed for a break-up or divorce. Maybe it will allow you to change up the relationship or be more assertive in what you want.

In doing so, you know that you are consciously choosing to stay in the relationship because YOU want to based on how it is right now, not the history you have. I think this is a really important concept. I stay with my husband because of my happiness in our current relationship, not just the years we built.

5. Relationship review

Almost every week on Sundays, my husband and I spend about 10-15 minutes doing a relationship review. We check-in, ask what went wrong, what went right, and how we can improve things or do more of the healthy things.

It’s like our mini-meeting to honor our relationship and commitment to one another. This is a concept I took away from Darren Hardy’s “The Compound Effect.” You can add whatever questions you find appropriate.

Some suggestions:

-What’s one thing you didn’t like that happened over this week?

-What did you enjoy?

-What’s coming up that you need help with?

-I welcome feedback about:

-I look forward to the following: 

6. Never seek for your partner to complete you

Most important rule of all – no one will ever make you whole and no one will save you. That’s your job.

Always get in the habit of asking: If this relationship ended today, where would I be? When you are whole on your own, you seek and look at love in a different way. It doesn’t come from a broken or desperate place.

It’s not about having one foot out of the relationship; it’s about being with someone because you want them, not need them.

Lastly, you reading this: you are amazing, worthy, and deserve all of it. 

There are plenty of articles about how to create new systems and routines. This will not be another one. I’m a gal that’s all about a great morning and evening routine, but during the hectic and busy seasons of life, it’s not always realistic. I notice when things get insanely busy, it’s when people fall off their habits and routines. 

So, in a world that is moving faster than we can grasp, how do we keep it together? 

1. Center yourself

The truth is sometimes you can’t move mountains. You can, however, take a few minutes to breathe, meditate, and just align yourself back to your goals. I know what you are thinking. You are too busy, too tired, or too…something. Take less than five minutes and turn on some meditation music and just let yourself sit still. Sometimes, just taking a deep breath and a break from the craziness, we begin to feel connected. Try apps like Headspace or Calm. I just turn on yoga music from my Spotify playlist. 

2. Shout your purpose from the top of your lungs

This is a silly one but a necessary one. During the long and tough days, however temporary they may be, remind yourself what you are doing and WHY. This usually helps me feel a little more motivated in the moment to continue to do what I’m doing. Whatever fills your soul with fire, write it down, sing it, and share it with a friend. 

3. Ask yourself what’s important

You know your crazy schedule and what’s expected of you. You know maybe a night out isn’t the best idea when you have work due or a workout you have been putting off. Ultimately, pick what’s most important. I’d have to cancel on girlfriends before because I knew I needed a night-in to catch up with my life obligations. It doesn’t make you a terrible person for knowing what will move you forward. Just be honest with yourself and stop being a people-pleaser. Make decisions from your gut. If you know you can’t go to that thing, then don’t. Don’t make excuses, just honor your priorities. Don’t be afraid to say no. 

4. Streamline your home-tasks

If you normally spend an extravagant time meal-prepping but have fallen off the wagon, pick easier meals. Try services like Hello Fresh to get meals made and delivered to you. If running errands is eating into the time you could be working or catching up on something important, consider using Amazon Prime.

Delegate tasks to other members of the family if possible. Fill them in on your crazy schedule and see how they can pitch in. If you live alone, be gentle with yourself. Set a timer for 10 minutes and see how much you can get done. 

5. Schedule your priorities first and treat them like appointments 

I know when my time is stretched super thin, getting my workouts in is critical. Working out contributes to my overall mental sanity, so whenever I skip too many days I feel out of sync. When planning my schedule, I always put my non-negotiables first. When you put the things most important to you on your calendar first, you are likely to do them. What are your non-negotiables right now that you know you need to schedule?

6. Be realistic and create padding in your time

I feel like this one is the easiest to follow. Be honest with yourself. Honor the fact you are a human being and you can’t operate at 100% non-stop. I know with myself in the past, I would jump from one thing to another, to another, and so on.

I found during busy seasons, what works best is to create padding in your schedule. Maybe it’s half an hour between your work and the time you get home to work on your side hustle. That 30 minutes will allow you to breathe and not feel overwhelmed if something pops up you need to take care of. 

7. Get plenty of sleep

So important! You are not operating at your best when you are cutting back on sleep. There is so much research available on how important and critical sleep is. Adjust your schedule to get at least 7-8 hours. How else can you keep up with everything else you are doing? 

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8. Take breaks to do fun things

With all that being said, enjoy your damn life once in a while. You need to let go sometimes, even during a busy season, and allow yourself to have fun. Schedule that girl time, make time for date nights, and even time for self-care. This will leave you feeling refreshed to jump back into the swing of things and feel re-energized.

Be realistic with your time though, maybe you can grab coffee with a friend, but you need to skip the dinner after. Allow yourself to find a balance so you can do the fun things that you enjoy. 

9. Your Daily Cake

If you aren’t following Kacia Fitzgerald, you should. She has a podcast called EmpowerHer, that’s super motivating and helpful. One concept she created is “your daily cake.”

These are the top three things you must get done each day to move you forward. So, as opposed to just being busy, what are three things you can do NOW that will make a difference. I circle back to this during days I’m feeling overwhelmed. It helps me focus on the most important things that need to be done and prioritized. Kacia describes everything else other than those three as just sprinkles on top. 

10. Be grateful

It’s easy during hectic times for us to have negative self-talk or complain about how tired we are, how much we hate that job, or how much we have to do. It’s totally okay to vent.

Just catch yourself and the language you are using all the time, not just some of the time. The language you use all the time creates neural pathways in your brain and conditions you to be in a negative state. What if you took a step back and reframed your mindset?

I used to be in a bad habit of negative self-talk and over-complaining. It’s easy to do. It’s easy to complain and find the bad. It’s harder to focus on the good during hard times. I encourage you to try it.

Instead of “I have to work in this job I hate” try “I get to work and gain experience that will allow me to apply to a job I feel more passionate about. This is helping me to realize the kind of work I don’t want to do but I am thankful to make an income in the current moment.”

Sometimes, a simple shift with your mindset can change your perspective of your situation.

It’s easy to reach out when you have good news to share, but for some us, it isn’t as simple when the news is unsettling, or even heartbreaking.

Everyone handles heart-wrenching situations differently.

For some of us, we can easily call our best friends and say what we need at the moment from them.

For others, our words have a hard time turning into tangible sentences, and maybe the pain is heavier than the need to ask for help.

While people navigate the murky waters of life at their own pace, it’s hard being on the other side of that as a close friend. You genuinely want to help, comfort, or offer to do something to alleviate that pain for them. You see your best friend breaking into a million different pieces and holding it all together all the time.

What comes easy for some, can mean moving mountains for others. Regardless, it’s tough on both ends. 

I’ve been on both ends. I’ve been the friend who watched my friends go through some tough life situations and silently break down without being able to reach for help. I’ve also been the friend going through those situations without being able to reach out.

Why?

It’s ironic because I’m a school psychologist student currently working at multiple school sites. Part of my job specifically is teaching students to know what anxiety, depression, or stress looks like, and how to reach out when they need help.

Well, life isn’t always so simple when it comes to our stressors, right? Explains how some people could be doctors and still be extremely unhealthy.

In the past, I was going through some personal family issues that caused me to fall into some kind of depression. A depression I was able to work through because I have the tools to do so, but I noticed that reaching out, was incredibly tough for me.

I spent some time asking myself: why? The answer I came up with is that I hate feeling like an inconvenience for people. I’m a pretty independent person and it’s a weird feeling to feel like I’m disrupting someone’s schedule. That was a feeling I personally was able to work through, but it took time to get there and ask for what I needed. 

Here are some things you can do to be there for a friend who doesn’t know how to ask for help yet: 

1. Just show up, respectfully.

If you know your friend well, you know their patterns for dealing with life situations.

When they go through hard things, do they need space or want more connection? Look at past situations and how it was handled. Regardless, still show up. It’s absolutely okay to give your friend space if they need it, though.

Gauge their response and follow that but let them know you are there. This could be done by just checking in on them, sending a funny meme, or a song that makes them smile. Don’t overcomplicate it. Just show up. 

2. Do the damn thing. 

Most of the time, when you offer to grab someone coffee or order them in food because they aren’t feeling well, they will say “no.” My feelings of feeling like an inconvenience, aren’t just exclusive to me. I find a lot of people share this feeling. If you are able to postmate someone their favorite meal or venmo for a cup of coffee, just do it. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive to be thoughtful. 

3. Don’t offer advice, unless specifically asked. 

Oh man, this one I personally failed at in the past. I know if my best friend is reading this, she’s laughing to herself. If you are anything like me and a notorious problem-solver, you like to offer up solutions like it’s your job. I’m pretty sure that’s one of my love languages.

Your version of the solution to their problems is just that – your version. Also, if your friends aren’t explicitly asking for solutions, don’t offer them up. Sometimes it’s our instinct to instruct people on what to do best, hold that in. Just let them vent and share with you. 

4. Hold space for them.

This leads me to holding space. A lot of us have probably never heard of this one. How do you hold space for someone? You do it by not offering your advice, opinion, or judgments. You let your friend say and feel whatever they need to feel. This is a common practice in therapy sessions where the therapist will hold space for the client. It allows your friend to feel safe to vent and share.

5. Don’t try to relate if you genuinely can’t. 

I remember when I was going through my family situation, one of the greatest things my close group of friends did was this. They told me they will be there for me, but they have absolutely no clue what I’m going through. That was so refreshing to hear. It’s ok to not know. It’s worse to pretend to relate when you know you can’t. Just be honest and acknowledge that it’s territory you know nothing about. It doesn’t mean you don’t care.

It means you are showing up authentically. It means you honor their experience.

Any tips that have helped you or friends going through hard times? Share them below.