Hiiii, welcome! I used to be the president of the “I’ll be happy once X happens” club!!

In this article, we’re going to cover how to stop putting off your happiness until you cross the next finish line, so you can start living (& enjoying) your life now instead of later. 

Sound like a plan?

Being achievement-oriented has gotten a bad rap in the personal development world over the last couple of years.

As we start critically examining the patriarchy and how it’s shaped our everyday lives, working, doing, and hustling are demonized.

Our culture tends to look at things through an all-or-nothing lens. So while there’s been a more significant focus on slowness, mindful living, and being (instead of doing), it’s also made people think that hustling or achieving is no bueno.

That’s not exactly true.

The point isn’t that you should give up your dreams, never set a goal again, and commit to being a couch potato, because GOD FORBID you work hard on something.

It’s about untangling achievements with your identity and sense of self. Because for a lot of us, achievement became less about what we do and more about who we are.

What you accomplish isn’t meant to define you. 

What it IS supposed to do, is give you healthy goals to strive for because you like them, it’s an enjoyable way to spend your time, and achieving them is an added bonus.

If you feel exhausted by your goals and what it takes to achieve them, it’s time to examine your relationship with achievement.

Things to consider:

1. Why do you want what you want?

I’ll give you a hint — the only reason we do or don’t do anything comes back to emotions.

For example, if you want to hit 10k followers on Instagram, have 100k in your bank account, or quit your full-time job, your desire has little to do with achieving those things, and everything to do with how you think achieving those things will make you feel.

So the better question is, how do you want to feel? 

Another consideration: what do you feel currently that you no longer want to feel?

If you crave safety and security by having 100k in your savings account, you most likely feel the opposite way now — maybe looking at your finances makes you feel unsafe, unsupported, or ungrounded.

An enlightening starting place is to identify how you feel, what you hope the next box checked will help you feel instead, and what you think prevents you from feeling that way now.

Another thing to get honest about: do you want this for you? Or because you want to manipulate how others see you?

Many people have a subconscious belief that achievement is what gains respect, love, admiration, and belonging (and that we aren’t good enough as-is).

We become invested in having what we want so that others will perceive us in a certain way.

Our egos love that, because it thinks we’re creating a buffer around rejection and disappointment — in reality, it’s not true.

Think about your goals and the things you want to achieve. Let’s say you are guaranteed to get what you want, but there’s a catch – you’d never be able to tell anyone about it. Not a soul. Ever.

Would you still want it? Would it still be important to you if it was all grind and no glory?

2. Circumstances won’t change how you feel

Is it easier to be happy when you have the house of your dreams, a doting and loving partner, money in the bank, and a snatched body?

Do those circumstances naturally produce better feelings than living in a cramped apartment with a roommate you hate because they never put their dishes away, going on your 7th failed hinge date this month, an empty bank account, and unwanted chin hairs? 

Maybe.

But what’s also true is that your brain has consistent beliefs about the world.

If your subconscious belief is “the next [goal I hit] will FINALLY make me feel [the emotion I want],” you will carry that with you everywhere. 

If you change your circumstances without changing your beliefs, your feelings won’t change either.

They might temporarily, but when the high of getting what you want wears off, it’s back to “well.. what’s next?”

It’s why people who thought getting rich and famous was the key to everything get what they want and still feel lonely.

It’s why women can lose 40 pounds and have their dream body, but still don’t feel good enough.

The only way to have the feelings you want later is to create them now (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules!).

What’s ONE thing you can do today to create your desired feeling? If you want to feel safe with money, what’s an action you can start and complete today to make that happen?

Is it transferring $5 to savings? Is it opening a high-yield savings account? Is it keeping $100 in cash in your wallet?

Maybe it’s not about money, and you want to feel safe by snuggling up on the couch with your favorite blanket and watching your favorite show for the 100th time.

The feeling of safety is the same no matter how you trigger it, so whatever makes you feel safe, do it! 

And at the risk of you wanting to slap me through the screen, my best advice is…

3. Fall in love with the process

I KNOW it’s cliche, but it’s a cliche for a reason. 

(Warning: tough love reality check incoming)

If you keep happiness locked away in the next box you check, you will spend 95% of your time hating where you are and 5% riding the high of whatever achievement you hit.

And that’s how you’ll spend your life until one day you wake up and realize you spent all of your life waiting to live instead of actually living.

Yikes, right?

I spent 25 of my years living that way. I’m so thankful I’ve changed my perspective, but I also kick myself for letting my ego call the shots for that long.

Today is all we have. So get out there and do something with your time that makes you feel alive.

You don’t have to stop dreaming, and you don’t have to stop achieving. But stop making that all you do.

Make the process as fun as the goal, so that when you finish, it’s just the cherry on top. Because you know that you lived, learned, and had a ton of fun along the way. Because that’s what it’s all about, anyway!

That doesn’t mean the journey is always easy — toxic positivity is never the goal.

It only means you stay present and commit to making the process as good (and hopefully better!) than the outcome.

It was yet another trendy buzzword bandwagon that I wasn’t keen to jump on — I blame it on being an Enneagram 4.

But one day, it hit me like a freight train, and I thought “Oooooooh…. THIS is what people mean when they talk about reparenting! I get it!”

My big ah-ha! moment is what I’m going to share with you now –  what reparenting is, why you might want to explore it in the first place, and a couple of tangible practices to get you started!

Okay so — what is reparenting, anyway?

The short answer is that reparenting is providing yourself with the emotional support that you lacked as a child from your caregivers.

For the long and juicy answer, we have to start at the source: parenting styles.

A movement that’s growing in recent years is conscious parenting. This parenting style focuses on teaching children how to learn and grow as individuals rather than obeying adults, following rules, and behaving. 

Parenting has shifted to teaching children how to identify, feel, and regulate emotions instead of invalidating them.

Disclaimer: I’m not a parent, but these are my observations of the parenting world.

As a society, we are finally discussing mental health openly. We now recognize that unhealed trauma can cause harmful behavioral patterns, which can unconsciously be passed down from parents to children through multiple generations *generational trauma has entered the chat.*

Unfortunately, emotional intelligence and conscious parenting styles weren’t mainstream in the ’80s and ’90s, so millennials didn’t typically experience this type of parenting from our caregivers *womp womp*

I don’t know about you, but my emotional experience was frequently invalidated — as a sensitive person I was often labeled “too much” or “dramatic.”

I learned that my emotions made people uncomfortable and that they were problems that needed to be solved. As a result, I didn’t learn how to effectively validate or regulate my emotional experiences.

This became a breeding ground for low-self esteem, negative self-talk, and severe nervous system dysregulation. 

The relationships you form with your caregivers and interactions with them deeply influence how you develop. Maybe you had an over-critical parent that harshly ridiculed you when you got a C in math class, made unhelpful observations about your appearance or weight, or was emotionally cold towards you when you were upset and needed comforting.

Humans are observational learners. The behaviors we see others engage in are often the ones we adopt for ourselves.

If your caregivers were critical of you, that likely became how you talk to yourself.

If your caregivers didn’t model how to soothe and support you, you didn’t learn how to soothe and support yourself.

Reparenting is the process of teaching yourself that as an adult. It’s giving yourself everything you needed as a child but didn’t get.

How to reparent yourself

Step 1. Identify what you need  

You might not know your needs if you’re not used to comforting yourself. Meeting your needs is a muscle you build over time, so if it feels confusing right now, that’s okay. Here are some ideas for how to gain insight:

Look to the past 

Think back to a specific moment in childhood when you felt you weren’t adequately supported; what did you need instead?

Maybe your mom forgot about your dance recital and never said sorry, you got accused of lying about breaking a vase when you didn’t, or you fought with your sibling, and your parents took their side instead of yours.

What would you do if you could go back in time and play the role of your caregiver(s) in that specific moment?

How would you talk to yourself? What did you need to hear? How would you have wanted them to respond to make you feel better?  

Look in the present 

You can also think about situations that have happened recently. Maybe you got passed over for a promotion at work, a long-term client in your business decided not to resign, or you fought with your partner about dishes (again).

If you were venting to your best friend, how would you want them to show up for you? What would you wish they would say? 

You can also flip it — If any of those things happened to your best friend and they were venting to you, what would you tell them? 

Thinking about how you would like others to show up for you, or how you would naturally show up for others in a similar position, can bring a lot of ideas of how you can show up for yourself.

Knowing your love language and how you prefer to give and receive love can also show you how to meet your emotional needs.

2. Bring awareness to your self-talk

How do you respond when you have big feelings? What are your thoughts and feelings about the emotional experience you’re having?

Do you allow your emotions, or do you tell yourself that you shouldn’t have them? 

When you make a mistake, do you kick yourself, think about how stupid you were, and overthink what you’d change if you could go back in time?

These are perfect opportunities to practice reparenting. Instead of playing the role of the overly critical parent, decide how YOU want to talk to yourself at that moment.

What would feel good? What would feel like you’re being wrapped up in a warm hug?

For me, a thought I like to practice is “It’s okay that you feel this way,” or even “Of course you feel this way; this is a sucky situation.” Before I go into problem-solving mode or resolution, I make sure my inner child knows she’s safe. She’s not only allowed to have big emotions but they’re welcomed.

Decide intentionally (and in advance) how you want to support yourself through tough or big emotions and what you can do to build trust with yourself.

–

Reparenting can feel awkward and clunky at first, just like any new skill. Be patient and stick with it! Over time, you will be able to easily calm your own nervous system, speak kindly to yourself, and build self-trust. When you have your own back (no matter what) and can depend on yourself to carry you through the hard stuff, life feels more manageable. 

There are five reasons you might look at your life and think “I should feel happier — what gives?”

1. You aren’t honest about what you truly want

Is the life you have the one you genuinely want? Or does society tell you that you should want it? For example, society tells us we should chase money, success, status, and power. And if you’re a woman, we’re told we should chase relationships, families and motherhood, and a house in the suburbs.

Consider these questions: did you build your life by following your intuition and desires? Or did you build your life by doing what you thought you should do? In a perfect world, what would your life look like? Does it look like the life you have now, or something different?

If your answer is “I don’t know,” that’s okay. But check in with yourself to see if “I don’t know” is your knee-jerk reaction because you do know what you want and you’re afraid of disrupting your current life to go after it.

Other times, this question is difficult to answer because we’ve been doing what we should do for so long, our true desires become muffled. It’s kind of like if you stop going to the gym, your muscles shrink over time. If you don’t often tune into your desires, you get out of practice.

Can you remember a time where you desired something and followed the spark? What did that feel like? Once you’ve identified that feeling, start looking for things that make you feel that way!

2. You don’t prioritize pleasure and joy

Is making time to enjoy your life the last thing on your to-do list every day? If so, you’re not alone. It’s so easy to get caught up in the demands of life that taking time for yourself gets pushed to the back burner.

What activities make you feel excited to be alive? Maybe it’s reading romance novels, going on long walks, or dancing to your favorite songs. Whatever activities you love, start building them into your daily routine just like you would pencil in cleaning your toilets or going grocery shopping. Having fun is just as important (if not more) than your have-to-do’s.

Joy isn’t something that’s “nice to have,” it’s a necessity for a happy and fulfilled life. Don’t be afraid to prioritize it through rest, hobbies, traveling, or anything else that you get enjoyment from.

3. You’re overly focused on what you don’t have

It’s a tale as old as time – the grass is greener on the other side. It’s a lot easier for us to put off our happiness by thinking it’s something we can achieve later than it is to commit to creating happiness for ourselves now.

Perfectionism is a contributing factor to this because many of us subconsciously believe that happiness is attained when we have arrived at our dream life. That’s a sneaky way to say “I will be happy once things are perfect.” This leads us to hyper-focusing on the things that are missing from our lives.

What would it look like if you started to appreciate the things that you have right now? What’s the last thing that made you feel genuine appreciation and gratitude? How did that emotion feel in your body? What are things in your current reality that make you feel that same way?

When you identify what naturally elicits appreciation and gratitude, it makes it easier to go out of your way to notice those feelings when they’re happening. Over time, your brain will gravitate towards this instead of focusing on lack. No gratitude journaling required!

4. You subconsciously choose safety over growth

The brain’s job is to keep you safe and alive. And while that’s helpful because you can’t live your best life if you’re dead, safety is often in direct opposition with you crushing your goals.

Most things in life that are worthwhile doing require some sort of emotional risk. To your primal, safety-loving brain, that is the equivalent of diving straight into a shark feeding frenzy.

When in reality, you’re being put on the spot as you interview for your dream job, turning your candle-making hobby into a business, or challenging yourself to work out and eat healthier.

Your brain will give you excuses like “this isn’t the right time for this,” or “this won’t work,” to keep you away from that emotional exposure or discomfort. If you don’t intentionally question and shift those thoughts, you will make decisions that support safety, not growth.

Sure, maybe you’ll fail and it won’t work. 

 If you don’t like a thought your brain is giving you, meaning it makes you feel like crap or it stops you from doing what you truly want, question it and choose a new thought.

What else could be true? Could everything work out in your favor? Is it possible things could be challenging but you’ll still put in the work and reach your dream? Could you  “fail” but get directed to something even better?

Those are possible outcomes, too. Our brains usually like to project our fears and convince us our worst-case scenarios are what will most likely happen – don’t let it!

5. Your inner critic steals the show

Most women I’ve worked with in my life coaching practice have shameful or critical self-talk. This typically stems from having a parent that was critical or shamed you for making mistakes.  

It can also stem from the voice of society, as women are often criticized no matter what they do. For example, if you wear make-up you’re trying too hard but if you don’t, you’re letting yourself go. Or if you are career-oriented you’re cold, but if you prioritize a romantic relationship you’re settling.

For my clients this shows up in everyday life as second-guessing their decisions, not allowing themselves to make mistakes, and setting impossibly high standards and shaming themselves when they don’t meet them.

It doesn’t matter what you have achieved or accomplished in your life, if your inner critic is in the driver’s seat, it makes you feel like nothing you do is good enough. It’s also a huge energy suck!

If your life doesn’t feel good, don’t panic! It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong. It’s simply a sign that something is misaligned and needs attention. Tapping into your desires (and following them!), prioritizing joy, focusing on the good things you have, choosing growth opportunities, and creating kinder self-talk can all help you live your best life.

To eliminate overwhelm, people swear by productivity hacks, prioritization strategies, and making big tasks bite-sized. Don’t get me wrong, these can all be helpful – but they will treat the symptom of overwhelm, not the root cause. Let’s talk about a few other ways you can manage your overwhelm so you’re rocking your life and it’s not rocking you.

1. First thing first: welcome your overwhelm

I know this sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out! Usually, when we feel overwhelmed we see it as a problem. And as humans, when we experience a problem, the first thing we do is rush to fix it. Or worse, we blame ourselves for having the problem in the first place.

What if just for a moment, your overwhelm wasn’t a problem? What if it’s just something you’re experiencing because it’s a thing that happens when you’re a human on this earth?

Nothing has gone wrong. Take a big, slow, deep breath in through your nose, and exhale out of your mouth like you’re trying to fog up a mirror. I’m serious – pause and do it!

How can you feel your overwhelm and just be with it without trying to fix it or eliminate it? What message is the overwhelm trying to tell you?

2. How often are you saying yes when you mean no?

There are times when we say yes to things we don’t want to do because we like our reasons for doing so. For example, you might say yes to your best friend’s bar crawl bachelorette party because you want to support her even though bars and drinking aren’t really your vibe. 

Saying yes when you want to say no gets tricky when the reason you’re doing it is because you feel like you “have to” to avoid disappointing or upsetting other people. That creates a big energy leak in your life and creates a fast track to resentment and burn out.

Time is the most precious and valuable resource that you have. If you viewed your time and energy like gold, would you still hand it out so freely? 

3. Intentionally fill your plate

Is your metaphorical life plate full of nourishing foods you love to eat, but you’ve realized there’s simply too much of it and there’s no way you can eat it all? Or is it full of foods you don’t like that you’re forcing yourself to choke down?

When you’re overwhelmed because too many great things are happening, that is different than being overwhelmed because you don’t like the majority of things you spend your time on.

Do you like the way your life is set up? If you look at an average day, do you like it? Would you want to live that day for the rest of your life? If not, it might be time to re-assess how you spend your time and if that honors what’s important to you.

4. Change your perspective about your to-do list

The funny thing about to-do lists is that they never truly end. It’s like a CVS receipt, that baby goes on for miles.

If you base your success on whether or not you complete the items on your to-do list or how close you are to the end of it, you will be chronically overwhelmed. The end of a to-do list is a moving target.

What if the goal shifts from getting things done to enjoying what you’re doing?

This can be done by creating more space in your day for rest or joy and/or making the blah, routine parts of life more fun. Have to clean the house? Listen to your favorite music or podcast. Need to workout? Go for a walk in the sun. Need to pay bills? Eat your favorite snack while doing it.

While not everything will always be fun, there are ways where you can infuse more of it into the things you’re already doing.

5. Speaking of rest…

Rest has become a buzzword in the personal development world with everyone and their cat preaching how vital rest is. I don’t disagree.

But what I see happen with rest is that people “rest” with the purpose of being rejuvenated so they can be more productive. It makes rest a means to an end instead of what it actually is – something you experience for the sake of experiencing it.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, but you don’t have to fill your cup just so you can empty it again. You can fill it up just because you want it to be full.

A note on resting when you’re overwhelmed or not used to rest – it can be really difficult to let yourself relax. As odd as it sounds, resting is a skill. So if it feels bad at first and you’re preoccupied with everything you need to get done, that’s okay. You’re not doing it wrong. Your brain may naturally wander, but stay committed and bring yourself back to the present moment.

6. Phone a friend

As a feminine-essenced being, you are a natural receiver. When you don’t ask for help because you feel like you “should” be able to handle it all or it makes you a burden to others, your inner feminine doesn’t feel nourished because she loves to receive with gratitude. Don’t shun that part of yourself because you don’t feel worthy of support.

If you were honest with yourself, what would feel incredible to delegate to another person? What would feel like a huge sigh of relief if you didn’t have to do it anymore? Think about who might be able to help you with that and go have a conversation with them! We can’t make it through life without support systems. Don’t be afraid to lean on yours.

–

Everyone feels overwhelmed by their to-do lists sometimes, and productivity and time management hacks can be really helpful. But if what you’re doing isn’t cutting it, it’s time to reflect on what your overwhelm is telling you about how you show up in your life and what (and who) you make yourself available for.

You are required to slow the pace and quiet your mind in order to hear and feel the message. This is why people in Blue Zones live longer. They live a slow life filled with spirituality, family, community and hospitality. They have found the secret to purposeful living which, consequently, offers a longer lifespan than the rest of the world. Staying plugged into The Divine and following the promptings reap more benefits than you know. 

Everyone has the capacity for an aligned life. Humans were created to always be connected. We all forgot how. There are a few concrete means to tap into your inner voice:

1. Slow the pace and practice mindfulness

Adopting a spiritual practice, especially at the start of each day, will set you up for connecting with your higher power. This can include meditation, journaling, prayer, affirmations, and connecting with nature. This does not have to be forced or formal. Merely acknowledge Spirit and ask to stay plugged in all day, for direction, etc.

Maintain a slower pace throughout the day. Don’t jump into conversations. Ask yourself what your body needs to fuel it this day. Make decisions based upon how your body feels when you ask it questions. When you have physical sensations, question them.

2. Engage in extreme self-care. 

Extreme self-care means more than an hour at the gym or getting your nails done. Yes, these are important. A massage is always welcome. You need to know what you need in all circumstances which comes from #1. This is the action you take. It means engaging with people who bring value to your life. Do you need a spiritual guide or therapist? Take time to walk the beach alone. Read a good book. Engage in uplifting conversations with friends, etc. 

3. Make your yes mean yes and your no mean no.

Declining invitations, especially from family, can ruffle feathers. Only do what is absolutely unavoidable in cases where you are in the company of toxic or unhealthy people. Try new groups or meetups that have activities that fill you up. Say yes to that invitation to dinner. Say no to a weekend with friends who constantly gossip. 

Doing the above few things will evoke a sense of self-trust. Your body and your emotions will rely on you to take care of them. In turn, you will begin to trust your body and the physical sensations you will receive in order to make intuition-based decisions for your life.  You will hear the whispers of God within and act upon it.

In today’s climate, people often forget to slow down. They put everyone else before themselves. Jumping off the perpetual treadmill will offer a peaceful, longer, healthier life. Slowing down, quieting our minds, and really listening will unlock your intuitive powers. Love yourself enough to tap in. God is waiting to tell you how amazing you are. Spirit is ready to whisper directions to a life you cannot imagine. This is the life for which you were created where you live your dreams and share them with the people you love. Living intuitively is crazy like that.

Ever since we created our podcast, Playground To Purpose, my childhood bestie and I have been on a quest to add more play to our lifestyle. And the holiday season is the perfect time to add some spirited play to your life.

Use this list as inspiration to have some holiday play this season!

Be sure to save this on Pinterest if you find this post inspiring!

1. Find the best holiday drink in your city

Most of us love a good Starbucks holiday drink, but your local coffee shop also has holiday specials! Find one with the most fun flavors. Or, if you’re not a coffee or beverage kind of person, try to find the best holiday dessert!

2. Create a themed cocktail

Speaking of drinks, why not create a fun and festive cocktail? You could even take it to the next level. I’ve seen some fun drink recipe ideas on TikTok. Or, if you don’t drink, make it a mocktail!

3. Go to a candle shop to smell all the festive scents

Bring on all the firewood, gingerbread & mulled wine candles.

4. Host a themed party

There are so many themes you could do! I’ve seen a trend of parties where you bring holiday drinks. You can also do a classic “ugly sweater party” or have everyone wear funky Christmas socks.

5. Do a themed gift exchange

You could do a silly theme like, only give gifts that start with the letter E. Or, only green gifts under $20. Giving people fun guidelines to work with allows people to get more creative, and feel like they’re on a bit of a scavenger hunt.

6. Ring the bell for The Salvation Army

Ringing the bell for The Salvation Army’s Red Kettle campaign is super fun to do with your besties, while actually doing some good! Your group can help raise money to help homelessness, poverty, and help fund a ton of programs that do good. If you can’t physically go, you could also virtually be a bell ringer too!

7. Read winter-themed books

You could go for one of these romance holiday books, which I feel like is the new holiday movie.

8. Do a ‘Santa Claws’ party

Playground To Purpose co-host Nina is doing a virtual gift exchange of claw clips for the holiday season. Such a clever idea to give gifts you’ll actually use!

9. Find fun holiday socks

Target always has good holiday socks! Etsy is also a great option for cozy socks.

10. Buy an advent calendar

They have one for everything these days! Whether it’s socks or makeup, you can find one that isn’t just chocolates! Or, you could even gift someone with a fun surprise advent calendar! Who wouldn’t love to open a new surprise treat every day?

11. Create a signature dish

Nothing says adulting like having your own signature dish you bring to parties! I’m still working on mine, but I feel like this feels like a fun project this year.

12. Wrap up the year with a party to celebrate your friends

Success showers are the cutest way to celebrate your besties who did big things this year!

13. Watch & keep track of your holiday movies

My spreadsheet tracker includes what my family and I rated the movie, where we can watch it, and keeps track of movies we want to watch this year!

14. Donate to a toy drive

I also love the “angel tree” donations where you can give someone something on their Christmas list. You can find those at a lot of Starbucks locations.

15. Find an ornament to represent your year

This is such a cute annual gift to give people in your life too, so they can always look forward to their ornament they get from you!

16. Get a holiday-themed mani/pedi

You can go for a typical red, green or blue for winter vibes, or go for some fun mani art!

17. Personalize your gift wrapping

Get some brown paper, or reuse paper bags, and get holiday stamps to make some cute DIY gift wrapping!

18. Bake a holiday treat inspired by your favorite movie

This article from The Food Network has a fun list to choose from!

19. Listen to holiday music in a new genre

There are holiday mixes for any genre, like R&B. And this country holiday playlist is a vibe.

20. Play a holiday game

Here’s a list of hilarious holiday games you can play from Play Party Plan.

21. Tipsy holiday caroling

Or skip the tipsy part, but holiday caroling is definitely a playful activity to try this year!

22. Go ice skating

Or skiing! Any kind of outdoor winter activity to get you through the cold weather is a must!

23. Decorate your work desk

Make sure your workspace still allows for holiday productivity and isn’t too distracting, but have fun with making your office space a little more festive!

24. Do a Christmas lights scavenger hunt

I made a new family tradition last year to do a little Christmas lights scavenger hunt from lists I find on Pinterest. It’s a fun way to make driving around the neighborhoods to check out lights even more fun!

25. Create a winter life theme

Having a quarterly theme is my new personality trait. This year, I chose to do “cozy while crushing it” which basically means adding extra comfort to my life while still making things happen. Examples of this: doing pilates in my pajamas, wearing all the cute matching sets & extra comfy clothes while ending the year with a bang. Swipe below for my co-host’s theme!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Playground To Purpose Podcast (@playgroundtopurpose)

What is a screen time goal?

I’m defining a “screen time” goal as a goal that you set around reducing your time spent on your computer or phone. I’m not defining this as time on your computer or phone for work, but more for when you’re using it for mindless scrolling or when you’re on it more than you’d like. Creating phone and technology boundaries can help you to make the time you’re on screens more intentional.

Why should you set a screen time goal?

Having a concrete goal around something can help you to make what you desire to happen a reality. When you have a set plan, it’s so much easier to achieve your desired outcome. If screen time is causing you to be distracted at work or in your life and it’s keeping you from spending your time doing what you love, it might be a good time to set some productive goals around limiting your screen time!

10 Screen Time Goals To Set

1. Take One Day A Week Off Socials

Or maybe start with your most-used social app, like TikTok or Instagram. Call it “Screen Free Saturday” or “Sacred Sunday.”

2. Improve your screen time each week

Do you have it set up on your phone to give you screen time alerts?

Make a goal to continue to decrease your screen time each week. It doesn’t have to be by a lot, but imagine how much more focused you would be at the end of the year if you decreased your screen time every single week.

3. Challenge yourself to only 3 hours of phone time per day

Or whatever feels like a good amount for you to feel your best.

I know that for me, social media is part of my job, so doing much less than three isn’t realistic. Find the magic number that feels healthy to you, and make it a goal to stick to that every day! You could even make a habit tracker to keep you accountable.

4. Put away your phone for social events

Make it a goal that for social situations, you keep your phone in your purse or tucked away somewhere. You can snap a pic or two and then put it away for the rest of the time. It’s never enjoyable to be around a group of people who are all just on their phones the whole time!

If you throw a party, you could even have a little basket for everyone to put their phones, so that everyone is social and distraction-free for the night!

5. Exchange your screen time for something better

Feel like you have no time to learn a new skill you’ve been wanting to try, like learning an instrument or a language? Or maybe you’ve been trying to read more.

Trade out the time you usually tend to scroll for that new activity! It’s always a little uncomfortable when you trade an old habit for a new one. It helps to remind yourself about how being on your phone too much makes you feel – and opt for a different approach that will be better for your mental health. Take note on how you feel after you exchange your screen time for something else!

6. Go without your phone for the last hour before bed

You can smash out two goals in one with this one, because if you lessen your screen time before bed, you’re likely to get a more restful night of sleep. Set your phone in the charger, make sure your morning alarm is on, and don’t look back!

I always recommend reading before bed, especially fiction books. It always leaves me feeling sleepy, without the blue light from your screen that hinders your sleep.

See this list of 21 evening wind-down routine ideas that don’t include screen time!

7. Keep your bedroom as a phone-free zone

In fact, I love to have my bedroom screen-free altogether. I broke this rule for a while, but I noticed that I’m better off keeping my bedroom free from the television and phone. I have better sleep because my brain associates my bedroom with sleep!

8. Go off the grid

Make a goal to go on a camping trip or some kind of phone-free adventure where you’ll forget to check in or maybe don’t even have cell service, so you can just enjoy your time with your people, distraction-free.

We could all use vacations where we really decompress and feel like we’re MIA from the world.

9. Go on a social media hiatus

Can’t go completely off the grid? Do a social media break instead. One of our contributors talked about their experience with a month-long social media hiatus here.

10. Watch one episode a night, instead of multiple

If you want to start watching less television, start reducing the hours you watch instead of eliminating it altogether. I love watching TV and don’t want to give it up, but I also love having goals around exchanging that time with doing more activities that I want to prioritize, like reading.

She’s in her early forties and has been practicing since her teen years, and I sit there on my yoga block at the start of class and soak in all the juicy goodness that comes out before we head into our flow for the evening.

If you’ve been following me for a while now, you probably know how I feel about hustle culture. I’m not a fan of hustling and willpowering our way through to get the results we want. But at the same time, I recognize that a lot of the results we want in life require focus and discipline.

Then she said a Sanskrit phrase for the in-between of effort and ease:

sthira-sukham asanam

“That’s it,” I thought.

That’s the feeling I’ve been trying to figure out how to put into words. There’s no perfect word for this in the English language.

It’s that feeling of pushing yourself enough to feel a challenge, while still feeling some ease, like it’s the thing you’re meant to be doing.

It’s what I want from my life. I don’t want everything to feel easy. Because it’s not fulfilling. It’s a powerful practice: working on something, seeing the progress, and knowing it’s because you’ve put in effort to improve.

This is a silly analogy but stick with me here:

I have to walk in the pouring rain to get to my yoga practice, even when I don’t feel like it. I don’t have a car, and my studio is a 25 min walk. It’s not ease, it also requires effort. It feels good to make that effort.

But what if I was walking in the rain with a rock in my shoe and refused to remove it?

It sounds silly, because who wouldn’t remove the rock…?

A lot of us think that we win brownie points for getting through the pain of something in our lives, when we can make it easier on ourselves by removing the thing causing us suffering.

You don’t earn points for struggling for the sake of it.

There’s a difference between a worthwhile pursuit and putting yourself through struggle, when it doesn’t have to be like that. A lot of us were taught that all good things have to be hard work. But I’ve learned that it’s not true.

Not all good things in life need to be earned with struggle.

But I think the truth lies within sthira-sukham asanam. Putting in effort makes something more worthwhile when it’s something that adds meaning and value to our life. When it feels inwardly like it’s meant to be.

It’s also why we’re scared to go after our dreams, because it’s the most worthwhile pursuit, and it requires us to give our full effort.

And we’re so scared that if we give something our full effort, what if it fails?

But sthira-sukham asanam to me means that the most meaningful things in our lives will be a a blend of effort and ease.

It won’t feel like an uphill battle. It’s the right amount of giving our best, feeling rewarded, and feeling like we’re moving in our lives with purpose and meaning.

A lot of us know that feeling. We can’t explain it but something is calling us to this thing – whether it’s as simple as a yoga practice or a career change or a person we’re drawn to.

And it feels good to give effort to that thing, because it almost feels magnetic, like it loves us back. It’s not ease-filled, but it’s worth the energy we’re giving it.

If only we could all put effort into what loves us back – and leave the rest behind us.

“First forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not.” – Octavia Butler

That quote is only one of the many such words of wisdom that remind us that habits are the foundation to success. A daily routine will reduce the clutter in your mind so you can be more creative in your work. Yet still, that’s easier said than done.

I don’t know about you, but habits have been a constant struggle in my life. I read the Power of Habit and Atomic Habits and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I implemented their methods but nothing seemed to stick. None of them aligned well with how my brain actually works. 

Then one day I heard about the Clean With Me podcast. I thought it was great. It took the decision-making out of a not-so-desirable necessity. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by what to clean or where to clean, I just hit play and she guides me through the process.

Then I thought–what if this was more expansive? What if I just had to hit play in the morning and the rest of my day was decided for me? 

This thought led me to devise The Playlist Method.

How The Playlist Method Works To Guide A Productive Week

It’s a simple concept. 

Create a playlist that’s filled with music you absolutely adore. Then intersperse blocks of  “good habit” activities you want to add to your day. 

Some examples:

• Daily affirmations
• Meditation
• Exercise
• Stretching
• Deep Work
• Cues to take a break

Once you put in that initial work, all you have to do is hit play and let the playlist guide you through your day. This eliminates the guesswork, the paralyzing effects of indecisiveness, and reduces decision fatigue.

The easiest way to understand how it works is to look at an example.

My Monday Playlist

Let me walk you through my Monday playlist. 

I use Spotify but don’t let the platform you use limit the possibilities of this method. Get creative with how you use songs and sounds to cue different activities.

Morning Routine 

I have headphones set right next to my phone so as soon as I turn off my alarm, I put them on and start my Monday Playlist. 

Right from the start, I’m greeted with one of my favorite songs (“Mr. Blue Sky” by ELO). It’s so happy and upbeat that it alone works wonders to encourage a positive mood to start the day.

I use this first song to use the bathroom and brush my teeth and give my dogs a chance to wake up. As the playlist continues, I put on my shoes and leash my dogs and head out the door for our morning walk.

This walk takes about 25 minutes, so I include enough songs to cover its entire length plus buffer time.

At the end, I have a cue song (“Friday Morning” by Khruangbin). I use this in the same spot every day to let myself know that the next set of activities is coming.

This song leads me into my morning affirmation. I use a bonus episode of the podcast Better With Paul where the host says an affirmation for positive thinking.

This flows into 10 minutes of morning meditation. I found an artist called Sound Dreamer who has a wide selection of sounds at set lengths of time. You could use these for any number of activities.

Now that I’m relaxed and clear-headed, it’s time for some energy. I use a podcast called Tiny Workouts where the host guides you through short, simple workouts. Monday is arms and shoulders for me.

After this, I have another block of my favorite music during which I shower and dress, feed my dogs and myself, and then walk to the local cafe. 

Total time: 1 hr 40 m 03 s. The playlist also functions to keep me on time in the morning.

The Work Day

I use 4 x 90 minute blocks of Brown Noise as working sessions for a total of 6 dedicated hours of focused work. 

Between each block I have 3 – 5 songs that cue me to take a break. During this time, I will get up, stretch, walk around, grab a coffee refill, or eat a snack. I don’t eat again until after work so snack breaks are essential.

After Work

After the last 90-minute session, there’s an extended block of music which guides me home and into whatever my plans are for the latter part of the day.

At this point, I often stop the playlist while I socialize with friends and family, watch TV/movies, read, run, walk and listen to an audiobook, etc.

Bedtime Routine

The crucial second decision of the day is jumping back into the playlist to set my bedtime. 

When I’ve concluded my evening plans, I check the time to see how long I have until I need to start my bedtime routine.  I divide this by 4, which creates an approximate number of songs I’ll need to cover the time. For example:

60 minutes / 4 = 15 songs

4 minutes per song is the closest approximation where the math is still easy.

I count back that many songs from the end of the playlist and hit play.

I use another Khruangbin song (“White Gloves”) to cue the start of my bedtime routine, which includes skin care and teeth care and other prep.

Then I have another Tiny Workout–this one for stretching–another Better With Paul affirmation–this one for self-love–and a final 10 minute block of soothing sounds for evening meditation.

At this point the playlist concludes, which is a cue to put my phone away for the day. I set it and my headphones to charge and spend the rest of the night reading until it’s time to go to sleep.

Other Days Of The Week

I went further and created a different playlist for each day of the week. You can see each of them here:

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

Each playlist has a different feel to reflect how I think that day feels. It’s fun to get cutsie with selections like “Stuck in the Middle with You” on Wednesday or “Friday I’m in Love” on Friday.

Even though creating all these playlists is more work upfront, it has a few advantages:

• New music each day so it doesn’t get stale
• Variable workouts to hit each part of the body
• Different routine structures depending on the goal of the day

Customize It For Yourself

Obviously, each of these is custom-tailored for my day and my goals. The key to the success of this method is putting in the initial work to make the playlist work for you.

• Choose music that you absolutely adore so you’ll be excited to hit play.
• Base the length of each block around your schedule.
• Include the activities that you want to do based on your goals.
• Pick podcast episodes with hosts who you enjoy listening to. 

The reason I chose Better With Paul and Tiny Workouts is because I love the hosts. The sound of their voices, the background music, and their encouraging nature. They feel like good friends and make me excited to incorporate those activities into my life.

Set it up so that you want to use the method, rather than feeling like you have to follow it. This mental distinction is essential for the method to work.

How To Simplify The Playlist Method

This whole full-day thing may feel a bit overwhelming. You don’t need to plan out your entire day to make use of this method. 

Instead, you can just make a morning routine playlist that guides you from bed to the office. Or just an evening playlist that ensures you get to bed on time.

The concept is flexible. Fit it to your needs and your goals.

Looking To The Future

It’s important to make adjustments regularly. 

• Change the songs to keep it fresh. 
• Change what activities you do as your goals change. 
• Change the order based on what’s working or not working.

Anytime you start to feel the monotony of the routine, switch it up instead of abandoning it altogether.

This method has been transformative for me. I’m feeling mentally and physically healthier, and I’m getting more done than I ever have before. I hope that you can find similar benefits from this method.

My summer theme was “vibrant girl summer” a spinoff from the “hot girl summer” phenomenon.

For me, this meant that I was feeling alive that summer – doing lots of fun and new things, and living on purpose.

I decided to go all in. I created a playlist, decided to only read books that felt like they fit the “vibrant girl summer” energy, watched upbeat shows, painted my nails vibrant colors, and created a fun bucket list.

While I didn’t check off every single thing, the summer was exactly what I wanted it to be, and I feel like that’s because I went in with the theme. I cultivated the vibe I wanted to experience, if you will.

As fall is now approaching, I’m thinking about my next theme.

I’m not quite ready to go full cozy mode; I still want lots of adventures. So, I’ve had to think about what I want that to look and feel like.

My life theme for Autumn

I’m going with “feel good fall” as a way to explore different things like what makeup style makes me feel good, playing with my wardrobe, and watching shows and movies that leave me feeling good, etc.

I was initially going for a darker theme, which we talk about in an upcoming episode of Playground To Purpose, a podcast with my childhood bestie about adding more play into your everyday.

Ultimately, I decided I was craving a bit of an extension to summer. This is in total contrast to what my co-host Nina is doing (a super unique theme!), which is a fun thing we’ll keep you updated on as we explore these themes. I’ll keep hers a surprise, so you’ll have to tune in!

Life themes have helped me to add more intention to a period of time – and allow myself to figure out what I want it to feel like ahead of time.

As much as we can’t predict aspects of our lives, we can go in with a purpose, so that we’re not left with a “wow, that just flew by!” feeling. Instead, I’ve been more present and gotten a little out of my comfort zone.

How to select your seasonal theme

What kind of vibe do you want to experience? What do you want to add more of to your life?

I also like to think of the literal seasonal change. In summer, you’re likely going to be outdoors more, maybe you’ll be taking vacation time, and it may be a slower work season. In the winter, it may be more at-home time, celebrating holidays.

Factor that into your life theme choice.

Seasonal life theme examples

Nina (my co-host on Playground to Purpose) had a theme for the summer season which was “Nina’s Summer of Adventure and Magic.”

For her, this meant reading lots of fantasy magical-themed novels, going on lots of trips, attending a whimsical tea party, catching epic sunsets, late night exploring in Las Vegas, scavenger hunt in New Orleans, and enjoying spooky places.

Here are some other ideas:

• Soft Girl Autumn
• Cottagecore Aesthetic
• Baddie
• Cozy Fall Vibes
• Parisian Aesthetic
• Self Care
• Wanderlust
• Adventure
• Hygge
• Coastal Grandmother
• Preppy
• Bold
• Moody
• Memorable
• Ease and flow
• Aesthetic autumn
• Focused fall
• Moody and mysterious (my original theme for fall)
• Barbiecore
• Back to the basics
• Crafty & Creative

If you can’t tell, I love a little alliteration moment. There are really no rules for what your theme can be, and what you want it to look like during the season.

For soft girl autumn, you could focus on cooking meals slowly (like slow cooker meals), working on long-term projects, buying a disposable camera, and getting photos developed instead of instantly snapping them on your phone.

For a Parisian aesthetic, you could buy a few Parisian-inspired outfits for the season, watch French movies, make some pastries, create a playlist of French music, etc.

For “Back to the Basics,” you could simplify everything in your life. You could plan to clean out your closet, find some “staples” for your wardrobe, have more time offline, etc.

Things to do to plan for a new season’s theme

Decide what it looks like for your lifestyle

I use my theme to inspire my style, activities that I want to do, what I watch, listen to, and read. I only use the theme for what feels fun or interesting, but I use it as a guide for what I want the overall mood or vibe to be for the season.

Create a playlist

I love starting off with a playlist to represent the theme. You could find one on Spotify, or craft your own. Obviously, I’ll listen to other music during this time as well, but it’s fun to have one solely dedicated to the vibe.

Create a mood board

My vision board on Pinterest includes both what I want to do and experience, as well as how I want to feel. It’s a fun way to get more clarity on what you want to wear and what you want to experience. You could also create a color palette!

I like picking a theme that’s broad enough to keep you going for a three-month time period. That way, the theme continues to feel fun and like I can do a lot within it.

Create a themed bucket list

I love creating a list of the activities I want to do within my city. Plus, any travels I’m already planning on. It’s fun when you pair a trip with your theme as a guide for what activities you want to do. I find that I’ve been much more intentional about getting friends together with my bucket list. I crossed off 13 things from my last list!

You could also create some goals around your themes too if you want to make it feel more productive! In a way, my bucket list also doubles as the “fun goals” I want to make happen.

So what do you think? Will you start creating seasonal themes for your life? Have you already been doing this? Tell us what you’re going to plan for the next season!