If you’re like me, you probably spend a lot of time journaling and writing out your thoughts, but you never expect them to go out into the world.

I’d been collecting memories and experiences starting from when I left for college all the way until now. My new book, What I Gave You is full of entries I never thought I would publish for the world to see.

What I Gave You, brimming with heartfelt detail, vivid memories, and clever lyricism, takes readers on a bumpy ride through the twenty-somethings — first loves, first tastes of freedom, first heartbreaks, and first understandings of your purpose.

Using my own experiences as words of wisdom, I assure you that there are twists and turns on this journey of life, and that’s okay.  Writing this book helped me learn how to process my emotions and how to live life more genuinely.

When I went to college in 2014, I felt alienated.

Not because I was homesick, but because I couldn’t find my groove in the social scene. As a result, my small, green, leather-bound Moleskine became my only friend.

Someone I could be completely honest with about what was going on in my head and around me. I never left home without it. I would take the bus into the city any chance I got and I would coffee shop hop and journal about my experiences. I would write about how I was feeling or what was going on around me. 

After that, the habit of journaling became a constant in my life.

Anytime I was traveling or moving somewhere new, I would get inspired and want to write about it. Anytime my boyfriend and I were fighting, or I wasn’t sure of my next step in life, I would write about it. What I Gave You is a collection of these moments from when I was eighteen all the way to twenty five. Writing is my tool to process my thoughts in a way that teaches me something. I wasn’t just holding on to the negative thoughts and letting them drown me. Instead, I was getting them out of my head and into paper so I could move past them. 

It was important to me that this book be the real, raw, unfiltered experience of my early twenties because I wanted people to know they weren’t alone. It was scary putting my deepest thoughts and darkest moments out there for the entire world to read and potentially criticize.

The idea that maybe I could just inspire one person was enough for me to push through. Writing this book became one of the most important milestones in my life so far. It was my way of dealing with the intense roller coaster of emotions that comes during your early twenties. Through all of that, I learned how to persevere. 

The thing that I love most about journaling is that anyone can do it! Here’s how to get started.

1- Sit down and get started

Keep it simple. All you need is a notebook or you can use a tablet if you’re into that. Make sure you are in a place where you can get in the zone.

2- Write for three pages worth

What I usually recommend to people who are just starting out is to write three full pages every day.

Pick a time that works best for you, either in the morning or before bed (I prefer before bed since I’m not really a morning person). But the key is to write the full three pages uninterrupted (this is key!). Writing three pages normally takes me around 45 minutes.

3. Write about whatever you want

Sometimes I start with the things I did that day, or sometimes I have full pages about not knowing what to write about. But there’s a magic that happens with journaling, in that by the third page, you always discover your true feelings. You just have to trust the process and you’ll get there.

4. Be honest with yourself

Journaling doesn’t work if you’re not completely honest and non-judgemental over your own feelings.

I would love to chat more with you guys if you have questions about journaling. Follow me on Instagram and shoot me a message. I’m happy to help! Also, if you want to check out the book, a special hardcover edition just launched with exclusive bonus content. You can find it on Amazon, or anywhere where books are sold.

Read next: 50 Journal Prompts for Self-Reflection

We grow up and tell our parents that we want to be astronauts or teachers, and when everything is a possibility, we try things on and figure out what resonates.

But as we get older, it all becomes so much more real. We recognize that we have to choose what to prioritize and focus on – and it can be hard to figure out what that should look like.

I’ve found that goals are the most rewarding when they’re in line with our values – and with who we want to become.

Why pursue goals or dreams when it has nothing to do with who you want to become in life?

I always think about the typical stereotype of the “family man” who works hard to provide for his family but is never home to actually BE with his family.

But equally important to figure out what we care about is recognizing that there’s a lot that we don’t care as much about that make for easier trades.

If I care about my career growth and that’s the legacy I want to create for myself, maybe I don’t care as much in this season about settling down with a family. Or maybe I care more about adventure than security or stability in this season of life.

It’s OK to want a different storyline for your life.

You’re the star of your movie, and you get to write the screenplay. Also, you’re allowed to have sequels to your movie where you evolve and your values change along with you.

1. Find your value words

What’s important to you? What motivates you?

Or, if that’s a complicated place to begin… maybe think about, what doesn’t? It’s pretty easy for me to look at a list of values and see what I don’t find important before figuring out what I do.

Choose 2-3 core values that you really resonate with – and that you feel you’d want to guide your decisions.

List of Values

Struggling to nail down your values?

You might look at this list and think to yourself, “I care about most of these things.”

And that’s true for all of us, but there are probably a few values that stick out as something you’re always talking about, noticing, or even getting upset about.

Notice how some people care about being on time, while others don’t care?

If you find yourself saying, “I wish people would just be more honest” or, “I wish I had the courage to wear that crop top.” Pay attention to what comes up often, and it’ll probably give you an indication of what values you hold.

2. Take a personality test

If you’re struggling to figure out your values, consider taking a personality test to help you figure that out.

I love the Enneagram, because it’s a good way to see what motivates you – and what traits dominate your personality.

You can take a test at Truity.*

3. Write down your favorite character’s attributes

Figure out what movie or TV show characters you love or want to be like, and see if you can identify common traits that make you like them.

Do you resonate with Drew Barrymore’s characters? Or maybe you resonate with Samantha Jones on Sex and The City? Maybe you’re a Hermoine girl?

Drew Barrymore might tell you that you value authenticity, quirkiness, and humor.

Contrastly, Samantha Jones might show that you value freedom, independence, and empowerment.

Hermoine might show you that you care about intelligence, preparedness, and ambition.

Identify those traits for yourself that you personally resonate with.

4. Do a little audit

When you look at the different areas of your life, do you see these 2-3 values reflected?

For me, I’ve been recognizing that one of my values is simplicity. And yet, I try to overcomplicate a lot of what I do. So, it’s such a game-changer for me to be able to say – I value simplicity, so let me come back to that and simplify things.

Here are some areas of your life to look at:

• Relationships: love life, friendships, family, coworkers
• Career
• Physical health
• Mental health
• Environment
• Finances
• Spiritual life

5. Come back to your values when making decisions

A question for me to ask myself when making decisions because I’ve defined simplicity as a value is “How can I simplify this?”

Or, if I chose the value of abundance, I could ask myself, “If I was feeling abundant right now, what would I choose?”

For playfulness, “how can I make this experience feel more playful?”

6. Reflect on where these values stem from

Once you’ve established your values, I recommend actually reflecting on why you hold these values. For one, it will make it stronger for you to live by them when you’re clear on the reason behind why it’s important to you.

But even more importantly, a lot of our beliefs come from childhood and from what other people have shown us is important. Whether that’s been demonstrated to us by parents who were always valuing “success” and money or felt by us through always being praised for our talents or unique gifts.

Your worthiness is not tied to your values. And it’s important that you recognized that you do not have to do or be a certain way in order to be loved.

The same values can feel dramatically different:

Let’s say as an example, your mother was always worried about looks and it was an important value to her. She constantly made comments about your appearance, and now you find yourself consumed with how you look. This might not be a value that serves you.

This same value of beauty might be a positive value for someone else, who enjoys making everything in their life feel beautiful. It brings them a sense of calm and pleasure to feel and be surrounded by beauty – whether that’s nature, people, or things.

Values should be something that makes you feel good. It should be aligned with the person you want to embody, not the person other people want you to be.

Reflect on that. Talk to a therapist or professional to work through some of this, if needed. It’s something most of us have to do a lot of work around, because we have a lot of years where people had so many opinions about our life, but we’re the ones living it out and we deserve to live authentically.

*We’re an affiliate of Truity – so if you decide to purchase a guide, we’ll receive a small commission. We only recommend brands we love!

*Cue word vomit and emotional dysregulation* 

All reasoning is gone and your feelings drive the discussion downhill, leaving you wondering how in the world you got here.

Does this sound familiar? I know I can relate all too well.

Emotions are what make us human, but until we can understand them, we cannot have control over them.

Why focus on emotions?

The American Psychological Association defines emotion as “a complex reaction pattern, involving experiential, behavioral, and physiological elements, by which an individual attempts to deal with a personally significant matter or event.”

Put simply: Past memories and personal experiences collide with situations and can serve as triggers to strong (and often disproportionate) emotional reactions in the form of physical & behavioral responses.

It’s important to remember that emotions are subjective, meaning they are experienced and interpreted differently from one person to the next based on their individual histories. 

Nonetheless, the way we relate to and express our emotions dictates nearly all parts of daily life, like navigating relationships, being productive at work, and making sound decisions. 

Based on how impactful emotions are to our quality of life, it would make sense to prioritize education around the topic; however, our culture seems to have an emotional literacy problem.

If you were raised anything like me, emotions were chalked up to signs of weakness, and discussions of them were to be avoided at all costs.

After studying all things psychology for the last 10 years, I can tell you with 100% certainty that the strategies of emotional avoidance, denial, and suppression are not helpful for long-term joy or peace of mind.

Now, the shift from dreading to welcoming emotions is not a quick and easy process. In reality, it is actually quite the opposite; it involves learning and unlearning, and making mistakes over and over again.

But we all have to start somewhere if we want to balance our rational and emotional minds.

Growing your emotional vocabulary

Emotional literacy is a skill to develop; not a trait we are born with.

Kids begin to learn the alphabet and progressively build on the basics to form words and sentences to communicate and navigate life. But what about the language of emotions?

Without the connection to their internal world, unaware kids often grow into emotionally disconnected, reactive adults, and the cycle can continue for generations.

To break this pattern, we must start with education and understanding the basics.

There is still much to learn about the brain-body interplay of emotions, which results in conflicting conclusions; however, many researchers can agree with Psychologist Paul Ekman’s theory that there are six basic emotions:

• Sadness
• Joy
• Fear
• Anger
• Surprise
• Disgust

Each emotion has functional elements (e.g., fear can alert one to real danger) and destructive elements (e.g., fear can create unnecessary aggressiveness). 

Emotional ID’ing in action

These six core emotions are considered to be universal across cultures, making the non-verbal cues important features of emotional ID’ing. 

Let’s look at fear and anger.

Both anger and fear can produce aggressive, hostile reactions. In this sense, both emotions can look similar when considering behavior and tone of voice.

Then, when we consider the facial reactions of each emotion, the two can be easily differentiated. Typically, anger looks like tight lips, a tense jaw, and eyebrows drawn together. Fear, on the other hand, looks like wide eyes and raised eyebrows.

Next time you notice yourself in an emotionally charged discussion, take a step back and consider:

• What am I experiencing in my body? (i.e., sweaty palms, racing heart, flushed face)
• What facial expressions or postures am I displaying? 
• What memories or stories from the past is this bringing up?
• Have I felt this way before? If so, when and with who?
• What am I telling myself about how I am feeling? (i.e., overly critical self-talk)

By asking these questions, you will start to build your emotional curiosity muscle, which will lead to better outcomes understanding, recognizing, and confronting your emotional inner workings.

The science of decision-making

When it comes to decision-making, your emotions WILL call the shots if you let them.

In order to really understand the inner workings of our emotions, I need to talk nerdy for a quick minute.

If we look at emotions through a neuroscience lens, one small but mighty brain area is thought to be the culprit of most emotional hijacking – the amygdala. This almond-shaped neural structure is responsible for storing, processing, and retrieving emotional memories. When the amygdala becomes overstimulated, it overrides the pre-frontal cortex, which is the brain area that allows us to regulate emotions enough to think rationally. 

Essentially, the amygdala is the house where emotions develop and live, and the pre-frontal cortex is the beams and foundation that keeps the roof from collapsing.

If the pre-frontal cortex is malfunctioning, there is no logic to balance the high emotions, meaning any decision made while in that state will lack sound judgment.

Best practices for making balanced decisions

• Get really good at self-assessment

If you want to take the power back from your emotions, especially when it comes to decisions, you have to do the work to get there. Monitor and track your reactions, feelings, thoughts, alllll the things, so you can see your specific weaknesses and emotional blind spots.

• Never underestimate the power of perception

Context matters. An emotion might be completely justified in one decision-making scenario in your personal life whereas in a different setting, say the workplace, it would be inappropriate to display or discuss that same emotion. 

• Monitor self-talk around emotions & decisions

If you tell yourself you are “bad” at emotional ID’ing and regulation from the jump, your subconscious mind won’t support the growth you desire. Track thought patterns around self-belief and change; it influences your decisions and outcomes more than you may think.

• Be patient & give yourself grace

There is no finish line when it comes to emotional growth. You’ll have successes and setbacks. Allow yourself to make mistakes again and again because that’s the reality of this inner work.

It’s never too late to grow your emotional intelligence

Don’t get me wrong –– Becoming a master of your emotional life is anything but easy; however, it is essential to living a fulfilling and aligned life.

There are three simple steps I teach when someone is just coming into their emotional growth journey:

1. Notice it
2. Name it
3. Neutralize it

Start simple and grow from there!

That being said, after going HARD on late nights & all nighters for the first six months of business, I reached a point of extreme exhaustion and found myself feeling overly emotional, physically fatigued, and just all around tired. As you may know from experience, this is not a fun (or productive) place to be.

At that point in time, my nighttime schedule looked something like this:

8:00 PM: Work on the couch until eyes are literally shutting

12:00 AM: Head into the bathroom to wash face and brush teeth

12:15 AM: Slide into bed and scroll on IG/check emails until once again, eyes are literally shutting

1:00 AM: Turn out the lights and pass out, toss & turn all night

Upon some self-reflection, it wasn’t hard to realize that this “routine” wasn’t doing me any favors, and it was no wonder I felt drained from the inside out. So, I dove headfirst into research on how to fix my sleep schedule without sacrificing productivity. Upon beginning this journey, I ran into the term “Sleep Hygiene”.

sleep hy·giene noun. habits and practices that are conducive to sleeping well on a regular basis.

Sounds pretty great right? It is! So, to save you hours of research and testing here’s an abridged lesson on the basics of Sleep Hygiene. A Sleep Hygiene 101, if you will – the 10 components of a nighttime routine that have the power to transform your sleep as you know it.

Quality over quantity

While research shows 7-9 hours of sleep is best for adults, the number of hours is null if the sleep is not high-quality. The following tools will help ensure quality sleep, but keep this in mind when you’re mapping out your sleep schedule.

Power down

That’s right, I’m talking about turning off your technology. Not only do electronics emit blue light (which literally tells your brain that it’s time to be awake), they also often are the source of intense stimulation for our senses. The mind needs time to process information and “wind down” thoughts before it will allow you to fall asleep, so the earlier you cut off your time looking at your phone, computer, or tv, the better.

Warm bath/warm water

Submerging your body in warm water is scientifically proven to relax your muscles, relieve pain, and reduce anxiety. It’s no wonder this helps you fall asleep. While a bath is most effective, simply taking a warm shower to rinse off the day can be beneficial as well.

Personal hygiene

I’m sure we can all agree that personal hygiene is important, but when it comes to your nighttime routine, creating strong habits in this category can be especially effective. Not only can these habits assist in sending the message to your brain that it’s time to get in bed, but brushing your teeth and tongue scraping also removes bacteria which improves digestion and allows your body to rest calmly.

Upgraded sleepwear

If you’ve ever woken up in the middle of the night because you’re too hot or sweaty, the culprit may be your sleepwear. Finding breathable sleepwear (especially made from satin, silk, cotton, linen), will keep you cool and dry all night long. Some of my affordable favorites include this satin set & this 100% cotton set.

Red light

Swapping out red light in your lamps in the evening hours is said to help stimulate the production of melatonin (the hormone that controls our sleep cycle). While the research is still a bit inconclusive, it certainly provides a relaxing environment and is much gentler than bright white light or blue light from our devices! Here is the lightbulb I recommend, which is controlled by a remote to dim and change colors.

Cool atmosphere

Similarly to the sleepwear, if your room is either too cold or too hot, you’re much more likely to wake in the night. The ideal temperature for adult humans to sleep in is between 65-67 degrees fahrenheit. Using a fan with a built in air purifier can also help, especially if you live in an urban area where the air quality is less than ideal.

Reading

Diving into a book before bed is linked with increased brain power, creativity, and relaxation. These benefits carry through the night and all the way into the next day, talk about a twofer!

Journaling/writing

The practice of writing before bed can be very therapeutic and is also an excellent way to clear your mind. If you find yourself with “racing thoughts” while you’re trying to fall asleep, keep a journal next to your bed and when your mind begins to move a million miles a minute, take out a pen and write all of the thoughts down. This way, you can rest assured that your thoughts won’t be forgotten the following morning.

Darkness

Of course, it’s well known that it’s easier to sleep with the lights off, but the reasoning runs deep within our biology. While red light may help stimulate melatonin production, pitch darkness is a surefire way to boost the production and signal to your brain that it’s time for bed. That being said, do your best to eliminate any light sources from your room by shutting blinds and potentially sleeping with an eye mask in order to achieve optimal sleep.

With this knowledge, I got straight to work. After about 6 months of testing these strategies and refining my night routine practice, I can confidently say that I have it down to a science.

If you’re looking to kickstart your journey to better sleep, here’s my exact nighttime routine for a successful 5 AM wake up. Give it a try, and shoot me an email or DM to let me know how you feel!

8:00 PM: All technology is put away and placed on Do Not Disturb (or, preferably, Airplane Mode)

8:15 PM: Draw a bath and/or brew peppermint tea

8:45 PM: Rinse the day off, brush teeth, complete skincare routine, put on pajamas

9:00 PM: Prepare for the following day (plug in devices, set coffee machine, lay out gym clothes)

9:15 PM: Set up bedroom for success. Close blinds, switch to red light, turn thermostat down to 67, turn on Dyson fan/air purifier, un-make bed

9:30 PM: Read, journal, and write out any last minute thoughts before heading to sleep

10:00 PM: Lights out, eyes closed. A restful 7 hours of sleep ahead. 

One last note for those of you who may be thinking “This all sounds great, but I need those nighttime hours to work. There’s no way I can get to sleep by 10 PM every night!”.

Look, I hear you. I am you! But, the beauty of this routine is that once you get in a groove, your waking hours are exponentially more productive than they used to be.

Think about it, your brain gets the opportunity to actually recharge and reset during the night, so rather than fighting fatigue on top of a crazy schedule, you’re able to have more energy to do the work, and on top of that, your thoughts will be sharper and quicker. Talk about a productivity hack! Sweet dreams.

As an award-winning Brand Story Strategist and Copywriter, I spent the last 15+ years guiding household names like Toyota, GoDaddy x the Super Bowl, and will.i.am to great growth. Through this experience, I crafted Your Breakthrough Brand Story: the first female-led Brand Story framework proven to drive deeper customer loyalty and sales through a more human approach to marketing.

When I’m not guiding female founders to come alive in their gifts + vision, you can find me sipping oat milk lattes, dancing to ANY beat, or chasing down this world’s most awe-inspiring sunsets with my ER nurse hunk of a husband.

Let’s be friends; I don’t bite! 

Website: www.comealive.co 

Instagram; TikTok; Clubhouse: @comealive.co 

Curious about Brand Story? I’ve got a FREE Guide for you: 3 Steps to a Brand Story That Sells. Get it here: www.comealive.co/email 

What time do you wake up in the morning and how do you wake up?

I’d like to impress you and say 6 a.m., but I’ve been ranging between 8 and 10. I’m flexible based on the schedule of the previous day; entrepreneurship, after all, is all about energy management. 

My alarm rings with the song “Nobody Love” by Tori Kelly, because as a music and dance lover I’ve got to start the day off right with upbeat sounds. That said, I’m never really fully awake until I get some Vitamin D on my face as I stand by the window.

What’s your go-to morning beverage?

Water, water, water. Our bodies can get so dehydrated after a night of sleep, so chugging a glass of water in the morning helps get your system going. I like to mix my water with Athletic Greens: a powder chock-full of nourishing supplements.

All that said, I love my coffee. Some days, I can’t even start work if I don’t have a delicious oat milk latte in hand, preferably from my favorite local coffee shop James Coffee.

Over quarantine, however, I’ve really enjoyed soaking in slow mornings with a homemade matcha. This act is really meditative, and it’s so rewarding to have a delicious drink as a result of making it yourself. My go-to is Ippodo Tea: an authentically Japanese-owned matcha and the best I’ve ever had.

What’s on your bedside table?

My charging phone, some books, and clothes I’ve yet to put away (ha!). I try to decompress from screens at least an hour before bed and dive into a book. Keyword: try. 

Do you prepare for your mornings the night before? If so, how?

Totally! “If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail,” is what I imagine my parents would’ve drilled into my head if they were super strict.

I took a high-performance coaching course with Karissa Kouchis (KK), Tony Robbins’ youngest female coach (and a dynamo, at that), who instilled in me a weekly preparation routine. At the beginning of each week, my husband and I plot out our weeks together and communicate how we can support one another, depending on whose week is more packed, through meal prep and cleaning. Most importantly, we make sure to prioritize FUN and self-care for ourselves, plus a weekly date night so we can connect. 

We call this act BWEP (“Bee-Wep”): Best Week Ever Planning.

The night before each weekday I review my tasks for the next day, along with my goals and values for the week. This helps me know what I need to accomplish, while keeping me grounded in the bigger picture.

What are your skincare/body care rituals?

I never used to be a skincare type of gal, until I got into my 30’s. I’m obsessed with washing my face every night and morning before applying either night cream or SPF moisturizer. I love my Goldfaden eye cream, which I use to soften and help shrink these hereditary eye bags I’ve had since I was a baby! 

My latest hack to feelin’ good and looking great in this area is my gua sha: a massage tool that helps improve circulation (and just feels darn good!). I bought mine from Simply Jess Skincare, and I really love the quality of her gua sha tool and all her facial products. 

For body care, I enjoy working out with the Obe Fitness app. I cycle between yoga, dance, and strength training, which makes me feel strong. Quarantine really led me to include walks at sunset, either in my neighborhood or at a gorgeous San Diego beach. To relax, I love me a nice bathtub soak with Himalayan salts and lavender, as well as a bimonthly massage to treat myself! 

What does your morning routine flow look like? 

I’m obsessed with my morning routine! I used to be a “roll out of bed and into work late” type of gal, until working for myself and seeing how much a solid morning routine really enables better work throughout my day. 

Here is a typical workday:

8 a.m. Wake up. Open my eyes; thank God I’m still here; reflect on what I’m looking forward to that day, and most importantly ask what I need to succeed. 

As women, we often tend to everyone else’s needs before even looking at our own. Asking yourself what YOU need before letting everyone else’s needs weigh you down is key to running a business with longevity, sustainably. 

8:08 a.m. Make the bed

8:10 a.m. Gotta chug that water to get the system goin’! 

8:13 a.m. Change into workout clothes and strap on my FitBit: my work from home outfit of 2020-2021, plus a constant reminder to get my body moving. 

8:15 a.m. Brush my teeth and wash my face with face wash and apply my SPF moisturizer, both from Proven SkincareProven Skincare: a woman-owned skincare line backed by science. It’s always nice to massage your cheeks or jawline here, which tend to hold so much tension! 

8:20 a.m. After I wash my face I sit in front of my mirror with my hand on my heart and lovingly speak declarations over myself. Similar to affirmations, these statements declare identity and worthiness over myself so I start each day from an overflow; not having to earn love (the marks of an Enneagram Wing 3), but knowing I’m inherently valuable and loved.

8:25 a.m. If I’m feeling in a funk or somewhat tired, I’ll move myself into joy. I have a Dance Playlist created by my artist friend Sam I love grooving to, so I’ll put on a feel-good song and get to dancing about alone, or with my husband :) It’s such a fun way to welcome the day!

8:30 a.m. Go downstairs and immediately stretch. I’m finding how important it is to move your body first thing in the morning. I do a vinyasa flow 2x to stretch out my body. 

8:40 a.m. Based on what I’m feelin’ that day, I’ll cycle through a various list of activities. I’m not one for strict rules, so allowing myself the freedom to pick a few activities is freeing, and fun. These activities include:

1. Journaling – dumping out feelings I’m processing to free up more headspace
2. Meditating for 10 minutes using the Calm app
3. Reading my Bible or listening to scripture on audio. Connecting with my Maker gives me so much more peace and perspective for my day. 
4. Writing out a gratitude list to center myself 
5. Going for a jog, to get my body moving in the sunshine, and admiring nature along the way

9:15 a.m. Now that my body, soul and mind are charged, my hubby or I will cook a delicious breakfast, ranging from peanut butter toast; an egg with toast and a vegetable like kale; or — my favorite — a homemade breakfast burrito featuring sausage, eggs, hash brown, greens, and salsa wrapped up lovingly in a gluten-free tortilla. 

9:50 a.m. Before heading into work I read my Legacy Statement, which I teach in my Breakthrough Brand Story Mastermind. It’s basically your obituary, which states the legacy you’ll leave by the time you’re gone. Reading this helps me tend to what’s important, not just urgent. 

10:00 a.m. After a riveting morning (and possibly, chatting with my hubby over our morning meal), I get to work! How fun to start my days off slow, my way :) 

When do you kick off your workday? And do you have any starting-work rituals?

I know this sounds late to some people, but I’ve found that slow mornings give me so much life, so I often don’t go into work until 10 a.m.

My office is in our home, which makes the morning commute quite stressless. 

When I get into my office I thank God for the privilege to do meaningful work I love. I pull up the blinds to allow myself — and my beautiful but vain co-worker Perla the Pothos (plant) — to soak in the Southern California sun. I light my candle, open my computer, turn on lo-fi chillhop as background music as well as coffee shop background noise from Coffitivity: sounds I’ve missed when coffee shops closed on those of us who like working in that atmosphere. 

I’m convinced that the energy and attitude you bring to your desk will transfer to the work you do and the people you interact with. This is why I relish in slow, me-first mornings. 

How does your morning routine change on the weekends?

Okay, let’s be honest. I may be disciplined during the week to produce great work, but on the weekends, I kind of go HAM. I know this is bad, but in keeping it real, I sometimes don’t sleep ‘til 3 or even 5 a.m… scrolling TikTok as a means of just catching up with the world and giving myself a laugh or chance to decompress. That said, I tend to sleep in late on the weekends!

My Dad takes pride in being a night owl. It’s when he’s the most focused and creative. I used to wear that claim with pride, too, but the older I get the more tired I get… so I’m thinking I might try to scale back on my late-night scrolling soon; especially as the world is opening up and we finally get to hang out with our friends!

(If you’re reading this, send me a DM @comealive.co to see where I’m at. We can be accountability buddies.)

What does your mindset look like at the beginning of the day? Do you have any tips or tools for getting in a good mindset?

Yes! As mentioned above, it’s so important to move yourself into a state of rest, joy, and ease in order to work from an overflow.

Some days I’m excited for the tasks before me; other days, I wake up wondering if I’ll be able to do them right. Sometimes I’m straight up exhausted, from working hard or just an emotional dip, because entrepreneurship and the madness of the world this past year are enough to take a toll on anybody. Although most people see me in my most joyful state, this is something I fight for; not just wake up to naturally day after day. 

This is why I’m so adamant about starting my mornings with activities that move me into rest, joy, and ease: from dancing to a song I love with my husband, to a yoga flow on the mat; journaling out my thoughts to spending time in prayer.

Or was there a little voice in your head telling you it would never work, or what if it fails, or any other negative thought that kept creeping into your head? What about someday? When you’re ready or when you are in a different financial situation or you’ve achieved more success, then you’ll finally go after it.

Does this sound familiar? 

What is it that causes us to get in our own way and prevent us from going after what we want?

I think the easy answer is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of the unknown.

However, there’s more to it than that and I am going to share with you three reasons why you keep putting your dreams on hold and what you can do to overcome them so you can go after what you truly want. 

1. Feeling a lack of clarity

It’s really easy to overcomplicate things and believe we don’t know what we’re doing or where to even start. Especially when it comes to a dream you have; are you even clear on what the first step would be?

The biggest thing that prevents someone from taking action is a lack of clarity. They are not clear about what to do next and it becomes scarier than it really is. You have a dream of starting a new business, but you’ve never run your own business before, so that can seem overwhelming and complicated.

You’ve always wanted to move across the country and start a new life, but you can’t afford it and you’re waiting for someday when finances are different. 

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the big picture of whatever that dream is and the secret is breaking it down into much smaller pieces.

My favorite questions are:

1. What do you want? 
2. What’s the first step to make it happen?

Are you really clear on what it will take to make that dream a reality? What is the first small step you can take to make it happen? We tend to focus on the negative and what we don’t want to happen, and we have to train our brains to focus on what we actually want.

There is no lack of resources, only a lack of resourcefulness and the answers are easier than ever to obtain when you know what you are looking for.

Whatever that dream is, get super clear on what you want, why you want it, and what would the first small step be?

2. Belief that you’ll be ready someday and you have to accomplish a certain goal before you can truly have what you want.

I hate to break it to you, but you will never be ready. Whatever bar or expectation you’ve set probably won’t happen and someday will never come.

We put dreams on hold because we think all of these things have to line up before we are “ready”, and we have to accomplish something before we can have what we really want.

Someday is not a guarantee. 

The only difference between someone who took the leap and someone who didn’t is the person who leaped made a decision to go for it.

They probably weren’t ready. They probably didn’t have it all together. But they made a decision to go for it anyway.

Maybe they were forced into it by losing their current job. Maybe the pain of staying in something that was making them miserable was greater than the fear of something new.

Either way they made a decision, burned the bridge and went for it.

Where are you holding back in your life waiting for someday to come? 

How do you start to have that in your life today?

If tomorrow isn’t a guarantee, what would you do differently today?

Start by asking yourself these questions and see what answers come up. 

3. Fear of not being worthy or deserving

Now it’s time to get deep. Why are you putting your dreams on hold? Maybe it’s because you don’t believe you are worthy of having the life you desire and question whether you deserve it.

Do you believe success is something other people have but you don’t?

Do you believe there’s plenty of people already doing what you want to do, so maybe it’s not meant to be?

I really want you to sit with this for a minute and ask yourself: why do you keep putting your dreams on hold?

If this is hitting a nerve or triggering you in any way, then this might be why you are holding yourself back.

The comparison game is real and when you are watching others it can be difficult not to compare and think maybe it’s not meant for you.

A mentor of mine says: if the vision is in you, it’s for you.

It’s the doubt, self-worth, and limiting beliefs that stop us from going after the dreams that are inside of us.

And if the dream is in us, then it is FOR us. 

I want you to really think about the dream you have that keeps coming up. It’s there for a reason so out of these 3 things, which one do you think is holding you back the most?

Once you identify it, you can do something about it.

And don’t forget to journal on these questions:

1. What do you want?
2. What’s the first step to making it happen?

It’s time to go after what you truly want and making a decision can be the first step!

Could a grueling 10KM run in the rain be an act of self-care, just as pamper evening is? Absolutely.

In fact, it’s more important than ever to view self-care as the balance between doing things that soothe you and challenge you, in order to feel your best.

The Yin

I like to think of self-care as a yin and yang symbol, each side representing the two competing elements of our motivation. On one hand, we have our yin element – this represents the emotional side of our minds.

This side of self-care relates to the activities that soothe us, that often that we often do automatically. We feel drawn to these things and can perceive them as ‘treats’.

Some examples of yin self-care are bubble baths, taking a nap, watching TV, eating comfort foods, hugs, pamper evenings, a phone call with a good friend, resting.

The Yang

The yang element of self-care represents those things you can’t really be bothered to do, but you know they’re good for you. You know… those activities that you dread and dread until you’ve completed them and suddenly feel amazing! This relates to the rational side of our minds that is often overshadowed by fear.

These yang actions aren’t designed to soothe or comfort you, but they are an act of self-care as they cover your basic needs and support your growth – this is taking care of yourself like a loved one would.

Just how you would take care of others you really care about (you’d encourage them to eat nutritious foods, calm their minds and move their bodies), this side of self-care is about taking care of yourself in the same way.

Some examples of yang self-care are intense exercise, meditation, preparing fresh meals, keeping a clean environment, learning, challenges.

The balance

I believe we each have a natural tendency to lean towards either the yin or yang side of self-care.

For some of us, that might mean finding it genuinely difficult to rest and unwind or feeling unworthy of treating ourselves.

Those that tend to people-please or find worth through hard work may feel most comfortable engaging in the yang side of self-care. You may have been asked ‘how can you fill others cups without filling your own first?’ but it goes deeper than that: rest is productive. Comforting yourself is allowed. Give yourself permission to take a back seat and you’ll realize that nothing falls apart! In fact, it feels good.

On the other hand, for those of us leaning towards the yin side, self-care could look like choosing to procrastinate instead of exercising or cooking. It makes sense that we don’t naturally want to do the things that seem effortful or have negative consequences. Staying in the comfort zone is ideal for some of us.

This is where the ‘best friend’ technique can be used – if you put yourself in the shoes of your best friend for the day, how would you plan your day? What would you do to take care of yourself?

I’m sure it wouldn’t be ‘binge a Netflix series eating ice-cream in the dark’. As necessary as those soothing activities can be sometimes, how can you feel your best and push yourself ever so slightly outside of the comfort zone?

I want to stress that there’s no need to feel guilty for leaning to one side or the other.

We each perceive different actions and habits to be difficult or effortful based on who we are and our own experiences. Guilt is useless in this context – instead, give yourself grace and use that energy to set some intentions for this week that will allow you to better balance your self-care plans.

Here are some journaling prompts to support you in balancing out your self-care plans:

• What do I already do consistently that falls under the umbrella of self-care?
• Do these activities fall under the yin or yang side of self-care?
• What can I schedule this week that would mean my self-care routine is better balanced?
• How can I hold myself accountable for this plan?

At the forefront of those intentions whatever they may be, always prioritize your wellbeing. Self-care simply means taking care of yourself – don’t let what others are doing deter you from what you need to feel good. It’s your sole responsibility to feel your best and you’ll always thank yourself for some much-needed self-compassion.

For some like me, social distancing was nothing more than beneficial to our inner work and self-development, but for many, this period of isolation was daunting, lonely, and detrimental to mental health.

This feeling of general uncertainty that a lot of us have been experiencing lead to a complete powerless and overwhelming state of mind.

How can we overcome feeling overwhelmed? Here is how I’ve dealt with overwhelm and anxiety using the Kaizen Philosophy.

What leads to overwhelm

First of all – what exactly is overwhelm?

It’s nothing more than your brain triggering an alert that it has too much to deal with at any given moment. Your brain’s capacity isn’t limitless, so understanding some things about how your brain has been designed to work can help you prevent or recover faster from it. 

Overwhelm is a trigger of the stress response and It can lead to a lot of physiological and emotional issues such as hypertension, insomnia, irritability, stroke, burnout, and depression.

There is one part of your brain called the pre-frontal cortex that is in charge of all your conscious thinking. It is the part of your brain that is activated when you set goals and plans, control impulses, solve problems, think things through and use creativity. 

Undoubtedly, one cause of overwhelm is change. Routine tells your mind what to expect. It is calming and gives you a sense of security and normality. Anything which causes change triggers stress and negative emotion as your brain tries to alert you to the changes. 

In times like we are in now, change is everywhere. Many of us have lost all our normal routine. This is totally disorienting and stressful – even when it means that we have less to do than normal. This is why inputting routine, and trying to stick to normal things where possible can help. 

The Kaizen Philosophy

Although you cannot predict everything that happens in life at all times, you can prepare yourself for any situation by being mindful of how you react to everything.

The human mind is the most adaptable tool there is — make it work for you. No matter what happens, you can adapt, cope, and stay calm.

Kaizen is an alternative strategy to cope with the fear or anxiety that comes when we are face to face with big changes.

The Japanese word Kaizen means good change:

Zen = good

Kai = change.

As Robert Maurer explains in his book – “One small step can change your life – The Kaizen Way”

” Your brain is programmed to resist change, but by taking small steps, you effectively rewire your nervous system so that it

• Unsticks you from a creative block
• Bypasses the fight or flight response
• Creates new connections between neurons so that the brain takes over the process of change and you progress rapidly towards your goal. “

Our fear of change or anxiety usually tricks us into creating the worst-case scenario in our minds and most of the time, it proves itself wrong. We tend to focus our attention on big and scary questions and situations that may never happen.

 2 Kaizen Way strategies to minimize overwhelm

• Take tiny steps 
• Ask small questions with a gentle and kind spirit 

The Kaizen way is based on taking tiny small steps, thinking small thoughts, asking small questions.

The thought of just having to take a tiny step every day is comforting to the overwhelmed, anxious mind. 

When you ask really small questions or do really small tasks, they are non-threatening, so a good kaizen question to ask yourself when you are feeling like it all is a bit much is: 

What is that one small thing I can do to feel less overwhelmed today?

Asking small questions is also an effective way to gain self-confidence. Those of us who tend to have negative self-talk can practice replacing the negative comments and questions with more empowering ones.

For instance, if someone tends to ask constantly: Why am I so dumb? “ can replace that with: What is one thing I like about myself?

The Kaizen technique of asking small questions can be used to determine your next small step too – by simply asking what small step could I take today that will make me feel closer to my goal?

You remove all that weight your big and scary goals may inflict on you and as a consequence, you will experience that in fact, small steps can indeed lead you to big results.

So what small questions can you ask yourself today that will cause you to take that tine tiny step that will move you forward without making you feel anxious and worried?

The problem? It definitely doesn’t happen every day – and sometimes there’s a full week or more without feeling inspired.

As much as it sounds cool to be an inspired action taker, it’s definitely a hard one to stay consistent, because “I don’t feel like it” can easily become your mantra if you let it be. 

When you’re an inspired-action taker, and you’re not in the mood – it’s hard to push yourself to do something. I’m a 4 on the enneagram, which means that I’m all about the feelings. And that makes me creative, intuitive and when I’m on – it’s fire. But when I’m not, it’s challenging for me to take action.

I truly believe taking inspired action is the best route – when you find a way to sustain it. So how do we stay consistent and disciplined, while still feeling creative and tapped in? I don’t want to feel like I’m “forcing” myself to do something – and I’ve learned some tricks on how to get “tuned in, tapped in, turned on” as Abraham Hicks likes to say.

Because when your WHY is strong enough and you’re centered in yourself – there’s no need to hustle or force yourself into action. But, you do need to take action sometimes in order to gain momentum – and get motivated.

So, here’s how I do it in a feminine, non-aggressive way.

Set your routine up to inspire you

I know, I know. I’m sick of hearing the importance of a routine too – but here’s the thing – not all routines are productive for getting into inspired action. And there are some powerful shifts you can make to have your mornings be more intentional – so that you are constantly feeling good.

Inspired action rituals for an intentional day:

1. Craft phone-free time for the first and last hour

Waking up and going straight to your phone is a total zapper of energy.

Aim for the first hour of your morning to be without looking at your phone. I listen to a podcast on my walk, but I try to make sure I’m just going to my podcast app and don’t check any of the activity on my apps.

And better yet, plan what you’ll listen to ahead of time so that you’re excited to get inspired by it in the morning.

2. Move

Again, we’ve all heard it a million times, but if you’re an evening workout gal – which I currently am – find some way to get movement in at the start of your day too.

Whether that’s stretching, a little yoga session, a 30-minute walk outside, a workout class/gym session, or a quick at-home HIIT workout. It doesn’t have to be lengthy but it’s so powerful to have more energy, better mood, and focus.

A 2019 study from British Journal of Sports Medicine showed that morning exercise led to better cognition throughout the day – especially when the participants also took breaks throughout the day.

3. Create a scripting practice

This law-of-attraction practice is about writing about your life or day the way you want it to play out. Act as if it’s already happening and you already have everything you want. Paint the picture, visualize, feel the feelings.

Because at the end of the day, if we FEEL we’re living our best life, we will act and attract that life for ourselves.

4. Don’t listen to work-related or heavy content until the afternoon

This might be a little niche, depending on what you consume regularly, but it’s been an important one for me. I love learning about new ways to grow my business – and can get really caught up in consuming too much content. It’s been helpful for me to stay away from business or heavy content (like the news) until the afternoon.

I don’t consume it first thing in the morning or at the end of my day. While I’m always learning and growing, it’s important to me that I also have a designated time where I can decompress. And this has been a game-changer for avoiding fatigue and staying in a positive, growth mindset.

5. Batch-work when you’re in inspired action mode

Work with what you’ve got! If you’re inspired, batch work so that you can have content prepared in advance for the days that you’re not as inspired. Create multiple blog posts in one day – or plan your social feed when you’re in the mood. There will always be days you’re more productive than others, so why not capitalize on that and make the most of them?

6. Be mindful of your capacity on inspired days

One of the quickest ways to fall out of these states is to go too hard one day and exhaust yourself. This is something I’m prone to doing often. I’ll be super inspired one day, work-work-work, and feel so good about my hustle that day.

And then, the very next day, I feel depleted. So, I try to make sure that even on my inspired days, I’m taking time for myself – and keeping that first hour and last hour of my day to refuel.

7. Have a go-to motivational video or book to read daily

I have been starting and ending my day by reading something motivational, and it helps a lot to get into a better mindset quickly. Choose a devotional or a book that’s broken into sub-sections, so you can read a quick page or paragraph.

Some of my favorite morning & night reads:

• If you’re a Christian, try “Draw The Circle” by Mark Batterson
• For the spiritual type, you might like Marianne Williamson’s “A Year of Miracles“
• This one is also great for my spiritual people: “Money and The Law of Attraction” by Esther and Jerry Hicks
• If you like prefer a more masculine approach, “The Daily Stoic” from Ryan Holiday is great.

8. Write and read your vision statement or goals

Why are you working so hard for what you’re doing? What is the purpose?

We get so caught up in the day-to-day that we forget sometimes why we’re even working so hard in the first place. And here’s the thing. If your WHY is to get to some frivolous goal that doesn’t mean anything – try setting more vision-aligned goals.

We’re all about finding happiness and purpose where we are NOW, not catching that disease of “I’ll be happy when” because that sh*t is contagious – and has no business in our purposeful living.

Write or read your vision statement and goals down – and soak it all in. Feel the feeling of living in abundance.

9. Plan the day the night before

So if we’re similar, which I’m imagining we are if you’re still reading this, then I’m guessing you don’t LOVE planning your entire week in advance. Because things change and you might not feel like it!

And if you do create a plan in advance, you likely don’t stick to the schedule. That’s definitely the case for me, but having a general game plan for the day helps me to stay on track.

That way, I’m not just floundering around trying to figure out what to focus on.

What I like to do is write out my goals for the week ahead of time – and then create my top tasks for the next day, and an overall time block of when I’m going to get them done.

I don’t always stick to it, because sometimes inspired action will strike – but it helps me have a foundation for the day.

10. Remember these important truths

Most of the time, it’s a mindset issue that blocks us from taking action. We’re either feeling overwhelmed with our to-do list, we’re feeling fear, or we’re stuck in our heads about something. And one thing that helps me get out of this mode is to remember a couple of truths. 

• Starting is the hardest part. And once I get going, I often find my way to motivation and momentum. Remembering this is so helpful.
• It’s okay to take the extra time to get in an aligned state, whether that’s meditating, journaling, or going outside to get some fresh air. It’s worth the break if you can get back into an aligned state. If you start work a little later, but you’re able to actually be focused – isn’t that worth it?
• Come back to yourself. Remember that you are not a robot – and that you are worthy despite how you perform. You’re worth taking time for – and YOU will always be your best investment.

Have you tried utilizing inspired action to create?