You are required to slow the pace and quiet your mind in order to hear and feel the message. This is why people in Blue Zones live longer. They live a slow life filled with spirituality, family, community and hospitality. They have found the secret to purposeful living which, consequently, offers a longer lifespan than the rest of the world. Staying plugged into The Divine and following the promptings reap more benefits than you know. 

Everyone has the capacity for an aligned life. Humans were created to always be connected. We all forgot how. There are a few concrete means to tap into your inner voice:

1. Slow the pace and practice mindfulness

Adopting a spiritual practice, especially at the start of each day, will set you up for connecting with your higher power. This can include meditation, journaling, prayer, affirmations, and connecting with nature. This does not have to be forced or formal. Merely acknowledge Spirit and ask to stay plugged in all day, for direction, etc.

Maintain a slower pace throughout the day. Don’t jump into conversations. Ask yourself what your body needs to fuel it this day. Make decisions based upon how your body feels when you ask it questions. When you have physical sensations, question them.

2. Engage in extreme self-care. 

Extreme self-care means more than an hour at the gym or getting your nails done. Yes, these are important. A massage is always welcome. You need to know what you need in all circumstances which comes from #1. This is the action you take. It means engaging with people who bring value to your life. Do you need a spiritual guide or therapist? Take time to walk the beach alone. Read a good book. Engage in uplifting conversations with friends, etc. 

3. Make your yes mean yes and your no mean no.

Declining invitations, especially from family, can ruffle feathers. Only do what is absolutely unavoidable in cases where you are in the company of toxic or unhealthy people. Try new groups or meetups that have activities that fill you up. Say yes to that invitation to dinner. Say no to a weekend with friends who constantly gossip. 

Doing the above few things will evoke a sense of self-trust. Your body and your emotions will rely on you to take care of them. In turn, you will begin to trust your body and the physical sensations you will receive in order to make intuition-based decisions for your life.  You will hear the whispers of God within and act upon it.

In today’s climate, people often forget to slow down. They put everyone else before themselves. Jumping off the perpetual treadmill will offer a peaceful, longer, healthier life. Slowing down, quieting our minds, and really listening will unlock your intuitive powers. Love yourself enough to tap in. God is waiting to tell you how amazing you are. Spirit is ready to whisper directions to a life you cannot imagine. This is the life for which you were created where you live your dreams and share them with the people you love. Living intuitively is crazy like that.

That’s not just something you see on a bumper sticker and ignore. It’s time for you to believe it. The reality is, there aren’t many people in your life who are going to advocate for you. Sure, you have friends, family members, and colleagues who will compliment and encourage you. But, it’s up to you to step up and advocate for your greatness and your worth. 

We live in a world where there’s a stigma against being your own advocate. People worry about being overly confident or coming across as cocky. There’s a difference between standing up for your worth and showing off or being condescending. So, what can you do to stand on the right side of that line? How can you be your own advocate and truly get what you deserve? 

Let’s cover a few tips to help you understand how and why advocating for yourself is so important. When you feel more confident in standing up for what you really deserve, your life can change quickly, kicking off a new positive direction that can help you live every day to the fullest. 

What does self-advocacy look like? 

If you’ve never stood up for yourself and what you deserve, you might not fully know what self-advocacy looks like. Unfortunately, that’s why it often gets negatively stereotyped. Self-advocacy isn’t a display of pride or over-confidence. It’s simply the ability to speak up on your behalf — especially when no one else will. 

Self-advocacy looks different for everyone, which is why it’s so important to learn how to speak up for yourself in a straightforward way. Some of the biggest benefits of self-advocacy include a greater sense of accomplishment, better self-esteem, and even a deeper sense of belonging. You’ll learn more about who you are, what you value, and how those values play a role in your life. 

To get started, ask yourself what those values are. What really matters most to you, and why? What are your needs, strengths, and weaknesses? While there’s more to self-advocacy than these questions, being able to answer them will give you a starting point and can serve as a launching pad for learning how to effectively speak up for yourself.  

With that in mind, let’s cover a few strategies you can use to advocate for yourself in different areas of life. You might be surprised by the changes that occur when you choose to take a positive stand. 

Speaking up for yourself in every area of life

You might find it easy to stand up for yourself around people you trust and love. Family members and close friends are more likely to listen to your needs and wants, and they’ll be more willing to respect your boundaries if you lay them out clearly. But, if you’re only speaking up about your needs with those closest to you, you aren’t reaching your full potential.

One of the biggest challenges you’re likely to face is advocating for yourself in the workplace. However, it’s also one of the most important places to stand up for your needs and wants. Workplace stress is extremely high, and some of it has to do with employees not feeling seen, heard, or valued.  You might even feel burnt out at work because of a demanding schedule, unrealistic expectations, and a lack of appreciation. Discussing burnout, or other mental or physical health conditions with your employer might initially be scary, but it’s likely the only way you’ll see positive change in your workplace environment. Some of the best ways to speak up about your health at work include: 

• Educating yourself on your rights;
• Reviewing your company policy;
• Gathering evidence;
• Keeping your goals in mind;
• Outlining your main points;
• Providing solutions.

If it’s not necessarily your health you’re concerned about, but where your career is headed, the same rules apply. Create specific goals and put together a “career map.” Then, focus on your strengths and skills, as well as what energizes and inspires you. When you’re armed with knowledge and motivation, it’s much easier to speak up with confidence. 

Of course, work isn’t the only place where it’s important to self-advocate. It’s important to speak up for your needs and wants everywhere, especially in places where you might feel like you’ve been taken advantage of before.

Why is advocating for yourself important? 

We’ve barely scratched the surface when it comes to different situations that benefit from self-advocacy. But, the core principles don’t change. Take the time to learn who you truly are, and don’t be afraid to let your values come forward in everything you do, even when that requires speaking up for what you deserve. 

Advocating for yourself not only helps others understand what you’re going through and what you need, but it can completely change the way you see yourself and your life, too. Self-advocacy helps with: 

• Self-worth;
• Conflict resolution;
• Resilience;
• Distress tolerance.

The more you advocate for yourself, the easier it will be to discover your real identity. Even as an adult, it’s never too late to learn more about who you are and what inspires you. It’s especially important to advocate for yourself if you’ve spent most of your life staying quiet and not expressing your needs. Maybe you had a difficult childhood where those needs weren’t met. Maybe you’ve experienced a bad relationship where you were shamed whenever you spoke up about needs, wants, or feelings. 

Don’t let the past dictate your future. You deserve greatness. It isn’t just a saying — it’s a fact. By advocating for yourself in every area of life, you can achieve that greatness and finally experience relationships and situations where your needs are prioritized and met.

Why is it so hard to make it happen?

It’s self-sabotaging. We do it when we think we’re not worthy of good things, when fear, insecurity, or a lack of confidence tell us to expect little from and for ourselves. 

Self-sabotagers may choose many different paths – both overtly negative and toxically positive – but the bottom line is, they hurt themselves in the long term because of the choices they make in the short term. 

So, what does self-sabotaging look like? 

When many of us think about self-sabotage, we think about it in terms of self-restraint. We feel like we’re self-sabotaging when we can’t say no to a slice of cake. Self-sabotage can also look like saying yes, though. 

For example, demanding perfection and holding yourself to an unreasonable standard of behavior can be self-sabotaging. You won’t be able to achieve it – no one’s perfect at all times – and then when you don’t meet your unreasonable goals, you either feel like a failure because you didn’t make it, or you start feeling like nothing matters and like it’s not worth it to even try because you couldn’t be perfect. 

Other self-sabotaging behaviors can include: 

• Staying in a job because you’re afraid of change or that you won’t measure up in a new position
• Procrastinating because you’re not confident that you can complete a project to your standards
• Staying in a relationship because you are afraid to be alone
• Taking on too much because you want to make others happy 
• Neglecting self-care because you’re focused on caring for others 

Exhaustion can contribute to self-sabotage, but interestingly, people are often likely to self-sabotage at the peak of their circadian rhythm when they’re considered to be most alert and self-aware. This pattern indicates that self-sabotage can be intentional and derived from conscious thought rather than unconscious action alone. 

How to Mindfully Shift from Self-Sabotage

The first step toward stopping self-sabotage is identifying triggers – both physiological and mental. 

Listen to your body

Let’s say that you’re trying to change your eating habits. When you go without food, you may notice your blood sugar starting to drop and your emotions starting to feel more frayed. What happens then if you have a negative encounter with your partner, child or coworker? 

You might say something you didn’t intend to say, get upset, and then turn to food to help you soothe your emotions.

Even though you had the best of intentions, a lack of attention to your physiological well-being made it easy for self-sabotage to strike and for you to fall back into the behavior you wanted to change. 

Refocus your energy

Self-sabotage can also happen in relationships, where you fall into specific patterns with a specific person. If you’re driven by a fear of rejection, for example, you may say yes to a partner, a parent, or a manager who pushes you to do things you don’t want. This ends with emotional distress for you, which isn’t fair. 

Instead, stop putting all your energy toward others, so that you have nothing left for yourself. If that means a negative impact on a relationship, you may want to consider whether the relationship itself was a self-sabotaging mechanism, settling for someone who didn’t truly value you, or allowing a family member to call their emotional abuse and manipulation love. 

Reframe your self-talk

Your inner monologue can be your biggest cheerleader or your worst enemy. It’s up to you to shape it in a way that 

I tell my clients to use the Yin/Yang approach – each time you notice a negative thought, STOP (I use a loud clapping of my hands as a reminder) and imagine two positive thoughts.

Looking for moments of joy can help you create an emotional reserve that you need when you’re struggling with the potential for self-betrayal. If you go for a walk, for example, take a moment to be fully present – to capture the beauty around you and how strong your body felt. Then, next time you’re considering cutting out that part of your self-care routine, you have a moment of beauty and wellness to reflect upon and to motivate you. 

Get rid of that all-or-nothing attitude

No matter how lost you feel, you have the power to initiate change. 

You don’t have to work past all the issues in a toxic relationship today. You also don’t have to settle. 

If you’re still reeling from a bad breakup and you feel like sobbing every time you go to bed alone, that doesn’t mean you have to go back to that person or that you don’t deserve something better.

Just because you spent the day curled up in front of the TV or with a book instead of doing household chores, that doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life there. And that also doesn’t mean it was necessarily a bad thing to give yourself some unfocused time to unwind and relax. 

Above all, to stop self-sabotage, give yourself grace 

When someone in your life makes a mistake or a misstep, you don’t write them off. Instead, you dust them off and help them keep moving toward the person they want to be.

Do the same for yourself, realizing that you have a bright and fulfilling future ahead of you, one that becomes better and better as you make small, incremental steps toward becoming the person you want to be, loving and healing yourself.

For me, I wanted this year to be all about breaking away from what was hindering me and breaking through to new levels of my personal and professional life. Simply put, I wanted to get unstuck and since breakthroughs don’t just “happen” to most of us, I knew I needed to take action.

So, to support this shift towards something new, I decided to let go and fast from something different each month in order to interrupt my daily patterns and reveal anything that might be holding me back.

I wanted to turn off auto-pilot, be more aware of my motivations and my hope was that by removing something I was leaning on too heavily, I would get a new perspective on changes I could implement in key areas of my life.

To be clear, the purpose behind each month’s fast was not to deprive myself or to make some big sacrifice to force a desired result.

It wasn’t a new diet or publicity stunt to gain a few followers. Rather, it was to make simple changes that would lead to a bigger impact on my overall health and well-being.

In a world where hustle culture screams we take massive action, I knew there had to be a way to make change a gentle and healing process – and that’s exactly what happened.

The Social Media Fast

Even though I didn’t consider myself much of a scroller, I knew social media would pop up at some point during this year of letting go.

But if it really wasn’t a struggle, then why was I hesitating when it came time to hit “delete?”

While I don’t often connect social media to my identity as a person, I DO use it heavily to support my business.

I took some time to do some soul searching and I realized that I was nervous about stepping away out of fear of missing out on some unknown potential client.

Now, I am NOT about to live and work out of fear, so I knew I had to let go right away.

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting anything profound after I hit submit on my “BRB IG” post letting my community know I was off for the month and how to reach me.

Maybe I would get a bit more time here and there but after all, since I felt “nobody” was seeing my posts thanks to Mr. Algorithm (I call him Al for short), I assumed this social media fast probably wouldn’t make a difference in the end.

Oh, how wrong I was!

Here are a few things I learned when I took a month long social media break

Being more present wasn’t an immediate reaction

Admittedly, I wasn’t instantly more present when deleting my social apps. It took a few days to detox but when I did, it was wonderful. I was able to breathe deeper, get a little more rest in between tasks and be more present in all the ways.

My eyes opened more toward what could be coming my way rather than opportunities I might have missed with a well-timed post or story.

Getting out of the habit of reaching for my phone – even to snap a picture for a later post – allowed me to really see what was in front of me and enjoy the fullness of the moment.

Social media isn’t the only avenue for growth in business

I started the month afraid of missing out on business connections but during my online absence, I celebrated booking my biggest client to date, I created a new program that brings me JOY to offer my community and I brought on a new team member to get the support I needed for the rapid growth.

Because my hands weren’t gripped so tight on what I thought should be the next step, I was ready to receive unexpected opportunities with open arms.

More people see your posts than you think

When I posted about my hiatus, friends and family quickly reached out to make sure I was ok.

Was I being bullied? Was I burnt out or drowning in comparison? I was happy to report this was simply a release rather than a cry for help.

My intention with taking a break wasn’t a test to see how many people truly cared but it became evident that our virtual communities do keep us in the circles with our favorite people.

A social media fast wasn’t life-altering but it was great

Hitting pause on my social media accounts didn’t feel like the huge weight lift I anticipated. You’ve likely seen examples of influencers taking social media breaks and or leaving altogether and if you’re like me, it seemed to result in an all-or-nothing approach.

And if you are also someone who participates on social platforms to build community, create content and grow or be present for your business, you know it can feel like a job at times.

I incorrectly assumed that stepping away would leave a gaping hole in my day.

What I realized was that I had been trying to shove it into pockets of time meant for other tasks so I felt like I was on it all day long.

By removing this task from my stack of multi-tasking, I was able to concentrate better and get other projects done more efficiently.

True community on social media is alive and well

I was shocked at how people continued to reach out during the month saying they noticed my absence and were used to seeing my family and me in my regular posts. When would I come back? Am I gone forever? How are my kids doing? Was I sure I was ok?

The consistent check-ins led me to evaluate how I connect with friends on and offline and solidified my desire to return back to social media after the month ended, but this time with more intentional content.

Have you considered or been nervous about taking time off social media?

I encourage you to examine why that feels so scary and then do a social media fast anyway! I am thankful to come back refreshed, refocused, and realigned and you deserve to have that, too.

Let’s dive into how self care has become overly commercialized and ways you can break away from that!

What is self-care, really?

Self care isn’t just about buying new skincare products and taking bubble baths. Of course, those things can be considered self-care, but it’s important to also recognize that self care doesn’t always have to be extravagant.

I like to think about self-care as anything that prioritizes your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. This could look like listening to music, eating nutritious foods, or even saying no to someone.

How is self-care commercialized?

It’s no surprise that since the pandemic hit in 2020 that people have been prioritizing self care and their mental health as a whole. Google Trends actually show a 250% increase in searches related to self care since then. Crazy, I know!

According to Information Resources, Inc., self care is growing into a $450 billion industry.

Because of the rapid increase in self-care-related searches and the estimated worth of the self care industry, self care has truly become unrecognizable. It’s become more about spending money and competing against other people’s routines, instead of truly taking care of yourself and prioritizing your overall well-being.

Sadly, I even saw an influencer say that self care is not an expense, it’s an investment – said while promoting her affiliate product, of course!

So now that we are surrounded by constant ads, YouTube videos, and influencers on TikTok and Instagram telling us to invest in self-care products and create expensive routines – how can we make sure that we are prioritizing actual self care and not getting sucked into the commercialization of it?

How do we break away from commercialized self-care?

Recognize that self care will look different to everyone

Well first, I think it’s extremely important to recognize that self care can and will look different to everyone. Just because your best friend loves to color while sitting on the beach every night doesn’t mean you have to also!

Here are some examples of what self care can look like:

• Reading a book
• Walking on the beach
• Saying affirmations
• Drinking water
• Taking a bubble bath
• Going for a run
• Disconnecting from social media
• Watching your favorite movie or show
• Playing with a pet
• Taking deep, grounding breaths
• Getting a massage
• Writing a gratitude list
• Cooking a meal
• Going on a long drive
• Doing an EFT tapping session

Of course, these are just some ideas and there are many more ways you can practice self care in your life! Notice how those ideas don’t all include spending money, which brings me to my next point.

You don’t need to buy numerous products to engage in self care

You can take care of your physical, mental, and emotional needs without spending a dime! It’s so easy to get sucked into the commercialization of self care and want to buy all the new things.

Yes – a skincare routine is nice and can be a form of self care, but you don’t need to buy a whole new kit when your current one is working just fine!

Your self care routine doesn’t need to be time consuming

Another thing that influencers on TikTok and Instagram promote are self care routines. Personally, I think having a self care routine is impactful and I definitely want to prioritize that more in my life. 

But I also get a feeling that it’d be time consuming – maybe you do too. And that’s another way we can break away from the commercialization of self care, by recognizing that it’s not about who has the most luxurious and time consuming routine.

If 10 minutes of journaling helps you destress daily, then that’s what works for you!

Read this next: How To Create Your Own Self Care Retreat

Self-care matters

It’s extremely easy to think that you’re not doing enough for yourself, especially now that we see so many people posting about treating themselves and their self care routines. It’s great that more people are starting to prioritize self care, but let’s make sure that we’re not making it more about competition than actual self care!

When’s the last time someone invited you to something, and you felt good just saying, “No.” Like, I fully get the idea behind it. We don’t owe anyone an explanation when we want to say no to something and put ourselves first.

But the reality of being a woman in the society we live in makes that a bit unrealistic in application.

Typically the people we want to set boundaries with are the people we love – or the people who we want to like us, right?

Empowerment coach, Liz of Fem Home Ec, says it best in this TikTok. She says, “We set [boundaries] for people we want to keep in our lives, and we don’t do that by saying, “No is a complete sentence.” 

Boundaries are there to help you stay aligned with what you want and don’t want to accept in your life. As Liz says, “boundaries are firm and compassionate.”

What setting boundaries looks like in action

I feel like boundaries are so much more helpful to see in action. And I will never forget this perfect and simple example of setting a boundary.

I was chatting with this guy on Hinge about a year ago, and it was during peak Covid, so we planned a Facetime chat mid-week.

On the day of, he messaged asking if we could push back the chat because of something that came up with family. The call would’ve been pushed to 9 pm, which was around when I normally went to bed. #grandma 

Typically, in my previous relationship, I would’ve been like – “Sure! No problem!” because I really wanted to talk to him. But this was a brand new guy, and I didn’t want to do things the way I used to, because it hadn’t felt good in the past.

So instead, I was like, I’m not going to throw off my night routine because he couldn’t make the original time. “No worries at all. But can we actually chat tomorrow instead then?” Or something along those lines.

He responded with, “Whoa, okay.”

And then… proceeded never talked to me again. LOL

I was setting a small boundary – not to be difficult or to “play games” but simply because it didn’t feel good to adjust my entire routine to talk to someone who couldn’t make the original time we decided on together.

Here’s the thing – this happens all the time when we set boundaries. It goes one of two ways – people accept them or reject them. And whether they do or don’t isn’t personal.

I think the thing people don’t talk about enough with boundaries is how hard it is to be firm with them, especially in relationships, because of that risk.

Setting boundaries can look like being willing to walk away from someone you love.

It can mean risking friendships, risking the love of your life walking away from you, risking family members wanting nothing to do with you.

Boundaries are about choosing yourself, while still maintaining relationships with people. And so often, we choose to reject our own needs instead.

It’s always worth the risk when you choose yourself. And that doesn’t mean that you aren’t vulnerable, or that you don’t let your guard down. Boundaries are not walls – they are fence posts. You can choose to open the gate whenever you want, but it feels the best when you’re welcoming a guest – and not someone who is barging in whenever it wants.

But here’s the thing that has helped me in staying firm:

You are the one you wake up with every morning of your life. You are the only one who knows every heartbreak. You’re the only one you will sleep with every single night.

And when you let other people walk all over you, or you choose to put everyone else before you, you’re forgetting that you’re giving someone else a power that you hold.

So often, we feel like we have to choose between taking care of ourselves and taking care of the needs of others. And we can have both.

That’s the point of boundaries. To respect yourself, while maintaining healthy relationships.

Boundaries are risky. By setting and staying firm in them, you risk that the person on the receiving end won’t accept them. But, the reverse is that the person won’t respect you – and more importantly, you won’t respect yourself, because you don’t stay firm in your values.

The best relationships happen when neither person NEEDS the other. Each person is bringing their full selves to the table. Whether it’s romantic or otherwise, it’s such a beautiful thing when both people show up because they want to be there – and they give what they want to give.

You can’t be dependent on anyone else to take care of you or to know how to be perfect around you. You need to show them.

And when you give yourself this gift and show up the way you want to be, in a way that feels good, the relationship will feel so much better too.

In your twenties, you go through so many different stages of life. And while I’m still single and not in the phase yet of having a family – I started my twenties in college, went from working in retail to landing my first corporate job and then started a business, and am now fully working for myself.

I went through relationships, living in new cities and now a new state, and a little over 6 years ago, I discovered personal development and started this blog.

These are the lessons I’ve learned over the last few years that have truly changed my perspective over the last decade. I’m sure my perspective will change again on some of these in the future, but here’s what I have for you today.

This is a long one, so let’s jump right into the 30 personal growth lessons I’ve learned before turning 30 years old.

1. Holding a boundary expands your self-worth

There are so many terms like routines and boundaries that can feel so restricting. And I’ve learned in practice the power of boundaries in allowing you to step into your self-worth and show up for yourself, despite the pressures of others. We’re trained from when we’re young to be flexible for other people and we’re constantly moving our priorities around for others. But when we’re firm and clear in what we want, we validate our own needs.

And OMG, setting a boundary has to be the scariest thing. You’re saying no to someone or something you love in order to get what you really want, and you’re risking being alone or someone rejecting you.

But here’s the thing – you’re the person you wake up with every morning and go to bed with every night. So at the end of the day, you need to choose your self-respect first. And that doesn’t mean you don’t choose to be vulnerable with others or that you don’t compromise – but it means that you commit to trusting in yourself first and that’s a powerful and beautiful thing to bring to any relationship.

2. No one is better than you

Oh man, did it take me a while to learn this lesson! For some darn reason, I see my flaws as being significantly worse than everyone else’s – but we’re all equally flawed with our own traumas and issues that we’re overcoming. Some people are just better at showcasing their highlight reel. Weirdly, the enneagram really helped me in learning to love the quirks I have in myself, and appreciate that everyone is dealing with their own demons.

3. Do everything in moderation

Shout out to my mom for this personal growth lesson, because it’s her favorite saying! But it’s true. Anytime I feel myself going a little overboard in any area of life, it’s a big red flag that I need to check in with myself – because chances are, I’m probably escaping something.

4. Your confidence comes from trust in yourself

So often we’re worried about the people in our lives losing trust in us, but we don’t think about the ways in which we lose our own trust. When you say you’ll do something, and you don’t do it, you start to doubt yourself. The trust you built with yourself diminishes, and you lose confidence.

When you create goals from this place, there’s a part of you that already knows you’re not going to come through. Building back trust with yourself is a process worth prioritizing.

5. Learn to respond instead of reacting

My last relationship gave me a crash course in this one. My go-to way to handle hearing something bad would be to get angry and upset, before I allowed myself to sit with it or to fully understand how the other person was feeling.

I’ve learned to take a step back, see the fuller picture, and give it time before reacting. It’s been a really hard lesson for me, but I’ve realized through reacting immediately, I’m letting my fear rule the conversation and would find myself regretting the way I handled the situation – even when I was justified to feel the way I did.

6. No person can fulfill your every need, nor should they

We have expectations these days that our partner should be both our best friend, lover, caretaker, roomie, etc. They are supposed to check all the boxes, and I feel like it’s left us pretty codependent. I think it’s important to have a partner that gives you what you really need, but ultimately, we need a network around us, so that we’re not putting too much pressure on our relationship to fulfill parts of us that they can’t. And, most importantly, we’re responsible for ourselves. It’s not our partner’s job to make us happy.

7. Give your life some context

Instead of beating yourself up over the way you’re feeling unmotivated or undisciplined, acknowledge your situation and how much you’re going through. Like, truly spell it out for yourself. This has been a recent revelation to me, because I have so many goals and a lot of times I feel mad at myself for not being further along with them.

In certain seasons, I think you really need to push yourself and in other seasons, you need to give yourself context on why you might not have the energy in this season. Even recognizing that you’re in the menstrual phase of your cycle, or realizing that you haven’t been outside in a few days, and that’s probably why you’re not feeling your best. It’s often not about you, so give yourself a break and give the situation context.

8. Life is happening FOR you and not to you

Oooh baby, this was a life changer. I think about this all the time. I choose to believe that things are happening for my benefit, even when things aren’t going well.

Maybe there’s a lesson I can get out of it, or maybe it will all make sense someday. I’m aware that “everything happens for a reason” is controversial and that sometimes bad things happen that just don’t make sense, but whether or not it’s true, I feel that believing that gets me through hard things quicker and it’s a perspective I choose to take on.

9. The wiser you are, the less you know

It’s funny how when we’re young, we can be such know-it-alls and some people definitely never outgrow that, but I feel like the wisest people I’ve ever met are aware of how little they know and come into conversations with curiosity and a desire to learn more, no matter their age or experience.

10. Turn it around

I play this fun little game when I’m feeling judgmental about someone else. I learned this from Byron Katie, a technique where you reflect back what you’re feeling about someone else and say it back to you. She calls this, “the work“. Basically, when you find yourself feeling judgmental, turn the sentence around back on yourself.

We’re constantly projecting. So anything we’re getting angry about, we can often redirect at ourselves and find areas that we need to work on self-acceptance around. And the same goes for the people who are crappy to you, it’s not about you.

11. There is beauty in our darkness

Toxic positivity happens when we don’t acknowledge the darkness. But you can learn to accept the dark sides, without letting them rule you. In fact, it’s when we don’t acknowledge our dark side that it does rule our subconscious.

12. It’s far more fulfilling to create than to consume

I love doing both, but I’ve found that when I’m consuming way too much, I’m far less creative. It’s like we go and watch others with the intention to get inspiration, but I’ve found that the inspiration comes to me when I’m not consuming. When I almost feel “bored” is when I have the most energy and mind space to finally get those creative juices flowing.

13. Learning about yourself is your secret weapon

Instead of fighting your natural self, why not learn and accept your flaws so that you can find solutions or create a lifestyle that actually suits you? I feel like we’re often trying to fit in, and we forget that our quirks are actually amazing gifts we have. So find a way to really utilize that and get comfortable in your own skin.

14. Small steps really do make big progress

I used to feel like I needed to change my whole life at once, and like most people, when I wanted to change everything, nothing ended up changing. Changing things one at a time has been the biggest way I’ve made sustainable changes in my life.

15. Habits can make taking action so much simpler

In that same vein, it doesn’t have to be that hard or take that much effort to make substantial changes in our lives. I feel like we believe we have to work out at the gym, do exercises we hate and eat only healthy meals, in order to see significant changes in our lives. It’s just not true – we can make huge progress in our lives with small changes like adding more greens into our meals, going for 20-minute walks, and adding more mindfulness to our days.

16. What works for someone else might not work for you

It’s taken me a long time to appreciate the things about me that are unique – or just aren’t the same as the mainstream representation of what “successful” people should be like. And while everyone wants to give “one size fits all” solutions on how to live your best life, different things will work for all of us.

One person might do great with mornings, while you might work best at night. Stop trying to be like everyone else, and do your thing boo. We love purposefully posting a lot of different types of content around bettering your life, so that you can take what resonates and leave the rest. It’s your life – you make the rules.

17. Identities can limit you, so don’t get attached to them

I find that anytime I’m holding on too tight to labels, it’s a good sign that I need to evaluate that. I feel like we’re constantly trying to understand ourselves and figure out what labels fit us.

And people have a really hard time when they can’t fit something into a box, but I think the reason we probably struggle with identity so much is that we all don’t fully relate to the boxes we’re being put in. I love the way Glennon Doyle approaches identity.

We love to label ourselves, down to the kinds of food we eat, the music we listen to, the way we dress. I love this search for who we are, but I worry that we get too caught up in making these things we like have greater significance than they should.

18. Surround yourself with people who inspire you

When you start to believe that something is impossible, look for people who excite and challenge you in new ways. It’s like you have this desire to make money, but the people around you have a scarcity mindset. You want to travel, but you’re around people who are all working 9 to 5s and settling down without any desire to get on a plane.

Luckily, we live in a time where we have so much access to people who share similar dreams and who inspire us to be more of ourselves and to get to the next level in our lives.

19. Saying yes to someone is really still saying no

If you’d define yourself as a bit of a people pleaser, I’ve found this reframing so helpful. When you’re saying yes to one thing, you’re saying no to someone or something else. Whether that’s you or someone you love, don’t say yes to things you don’t want to do.

20. Speaking of people-pleasing, it can’t be done

I wouldn’t describe myself as a big people pleaser, though I certainly can be. But I’ve definitely witnessed being on the receiving end of a people pleaser. And I can tell you from experience that while you have the best intentions to make everyone happy, when you aren’t being true to yourself and what you want, you’re actually making everyone around you upset.

Because 1) you’re not being true to what you actually want and that’s way more obvious than you think it is, and 2) you’re always choosing to disappoint someone (often yourself most of all) because you can’t be everywhere at once. So, it’s just way better for everyone if you choose to please yourself and be honest about what you want to be doing.

And while not everyone will accept that at first, you’ll be far more respected.

21. Is happiness even the goal?

I still find myself talking about happiness as if it is the goal, but actually, the happiest people don’t value happiness as much as they value inner peace. Happiness is a temporary emotion, not a destination. It ebbs and flows. It’s kind of odd to me that we all desire a state that is so fickle and difficult to sustain, because if we’re constantly happy, we’re ignoring our other emotions.

22. Done is better than perfect

I was a B student in school, and I actually think that while being a B student didn’t do much for me when I was in school, it pays off in real life. Perfection isn’t possible – and getting things out there helps you to improve. A lot of us are fearful of feedback and rejection, but putting yourself out there is the only way to truly learn and improve.

23. Investing in yourself is always worth it – when you’re ready.

You have to believe you’re worth investing in first. It took me a really long time to invest in my business, and in my own personal development. And I think the reason it took so long was that in order to make the investment pay off, I had to make things happen.

Whether it’s a studio gym membership or investing in a coach, you still have to be accountable to yourself to show up and do the work. And when you don’t trust yourself to show up, it’s probably going to be a failed investment. But when you can get to the point where you know that you are ready and up for doing the work, it always pays off.

24. Early mornings are the best

I’m sure it’s not a shocking lesson to see here, but building a morning routine really did change my life. It took me a while to learn to love mornings, but creating a morning routine helped me to create time and space for myself before going into the workday.

25. You wouldn’t really wanna trade lives

Am I the only one who thinks I’d rather have someone else’s life, especially with what you see on the ‘gram? But you know when I was thinking about why I don’t have this perspective anymore, I think it came from reality TV funnily enough. You’d see some people on reality TV that you feel like are these perfect people, and you realize they’re totally not. They go through a lot of hard things too, but they just choose to not show any of that on social media.

If we were to be in someone else’s shoes, at least 9 times out of 10, we’d choose to go back to our lives. Unless it’s Blake Lively, then we’re definitely trading up.

26. No one cares as much as you think they do

How often are we worried about what other people around us are thinking about us? And the fact is that people are always just thinking about themselves. Even if they are thinking about you, it’s really about their own insecurities.

And as I’ve gotten older, I recognize that if someone I barely know is thinking about me that much, that’s on them. If you have an embarrassing moment, no one is still thinking about it longer than a few minutes. We can all relate, and we’re often projecting our fears onto other people, so it’s not personal bestie.

27. Rejection builds character

To be afraid of rejection means that you’re not going to put yourself out there. J.K. Rowling was rejected by 12 publishers for Harry Potter. But imagine if she stopped before getting to the 13th one? Remember that rejection is part of the process, and the comfier you get with rejection (and realize, it’s not personal), the more success you’ll see. Be a persistent, b*tch.

28. It’ll get easier

Nothing is as hard as it is when you first start. It’s funny how when you’re out of the habit of doing something, even the smallest thing can feel SO hard. But once you get in the flow of it – whether it’s going to workout classes or starting a new job, it always gets easier.

The more you do something, the easier it becomes. And it’s always an important reminder when you’re starting something new. It’s a good sign that you’re stretching yourself when things feel a bit scary, but just remember that soon enough, it’ll be NBD.

29. Loving yourself is a journey

They say you need to love yourself before you can love someone else, but I’m not sure I believe that. I think people come into our lives and show us things we’ve never discovered. Some people show us our flaws, some people show us our beauty, and in the midst of life experience we discover ourselves and hopefully, we grow to love ourselves. But our journey in loving ourselves is never complete – and you can learn to do that inside and outside of a relationship.

30. It’s not about accomplishing the goals

At the end of the day, if I never accomplish my goals – I’ll be fine. Hear me out. I think failure is in the act of NOT pursuing what you want. But I believe in God, and I have a trust that if I keep staying true to living my life on purpose and with intention, I’ll be living my best life as it’s meant to be.

My capacity to imagine what my future looks like is so limited. Maybe life will take me on a completely unexpected journey, and I want to be open to that. So, yes I write down vision-aligned goals and I work on making them happen, but I work on releasing my expectations and staying open to whatever outcomes come from that.

What key personal growth lessons have you experienced in your life so far? Share and inspire us!

From impossible morning routines (you’re telling me that waking up at 5:00 am, doing a 2-hour workout, and whipping up a Michelin-star worthy breakfast before work is a form of self-care?!) to gimmicky products designed to help us achieve our zen, it’s easy for us to overcomplicate what it really looks like to take care of ourselves. 

So when it comes to bringing self-care into our social lives, what does that even look like?

Social self-care encourages us to maintain a healthy relationship with ourselves to extend it to others. It also means being mindful of how we manage our meaningful relationships while preventing social burnout. 

How to begin your social self-care journey

Here are four small ways you can begin to take better care of your social self in 2021. 

1. Play more

Playtime is a form of self-care that you can easily weave into your daily routine! Remember when you were a kid, and life felt like one big playground? You made the most mundane tasks fun with a little creativity and imagination.

Think about it – when was the last time you had deliberate fun with others? This could be anything from taking a paint & sip class with your bestie, calling up a friend who always makes you laugh, playing with your child or pet, inviting a coworker for lunch in the park, or trading family movie night for a board game. Developing your playful side helps keep you calm under stress, refreshes your mind and body, and increases your energy without leading to burnout.

2. Give a gift to someone you care about

When was the last time you did something nice for someone you love, simply because it felt good to do so? Gift giving is a two-fold practice. For one, the simple act of giving a gift fills us with a great sense of satisfaction.

Anticipating the joy on the recipient’s face is enough to give our own selves a psychological boost and feel the ripples of happiness days after! For the recipient, your gift symbolizes your care and appreciation for them. It’s an act of compassion and kindness. It tells them, “you’re special to me” – which is the greatest gift anyone could receive!

There is evidence that when we give gifts, our brains secrete “feel good” hormones! This not only boosts our happiness but also helps to create deeper bonds with others. Surprise someone today by making something for them or buying an item they’ve had their eye on for a long time. You’ll be much happier for it.

3. Give your eyes a break

These days (especially in 2021), we spend so much time looking at screens. Whether it’s Zoom meetings, Facetiming friends & family, or scrolling social media feeds, all of that screen time adds up. Too much screen time can lead to many health issues, including headaches, dry and tired eyes, blurred vision, and eye strain.

The “rule of 20” is a great way to prevent digital eye strain and take better care of your health. Take a break every 20 minutes by focusing on something 20 feet away for 20 seconds. You can set a timer on your phone or use an app to alert you to get up and give your eyes a break.

While we’ve all been forced to maintain our relationships over a screen, there are other ways to create more meaningful connections without sacrificing our health. You can write a letter or send a card. You can devote one day a week to Zoom parties or virtual catch-ups or call a friend or family member on the phone to say hi.

4. Set boundaries

Social self-care includes setting healthy boundaries. Finding balance, learning to say “no,” and giving ourselves permission to take a break is an important way to honor our mental health.

An active social life is an integral part of our overall well-being, but spreading ourselves too thin can lead to burnout. When you set boundaries, you are taking care of yourself.

You can decide to take a mental health day if your work is taking all the focus. You can politely decline invitations to spend time by yourself. You can slow down and rediscover your sense of enjoyment in life.

Recognizing when we’re stressed, worn out, or taking on too much helps us know what our body needs. In 2021, try checking in with yourself and find out what you need in those moments of reflection.

Take the time for some social self-care today

Social self-care is all about cultivating our feelings of love, appreciation, gratitude, and connection with others. Socializing is important for our mental health (yes, even for us introverts!) and is just one aspect of your self-care that should be tended to regularly.

Social self-care also encompasses setting healthy boundaries. While socializing is important, sometimes our lives can become so hectic that saying “no” or rescheduling plans is a vital way to protect ourselves from burnout and overwhelm.

Try to be intentional with your social care activities in 2021. Give thought to the special people in your life by honoring them in a way that also honors yourself. Your relationships should always uplift and energize you – so find creative ways to tend to your social care without sacrificing your own mental health.

In our twenties, we are so obsessed with discovering ourselves and figuring out what it is that we even want.

But what I feel is the worse than not knowing what you want is when you know what you want and choose to settle for something that isn’t that.

It’s hard to figure out what you want in life, and even harder to admit it to yourself.

And what’s EVEN harder than that is to actually make the decision to not accept anything less. Whether it’s in your relationships, in your career, in where you choose to live, etc.

People talk about going after what you want like it’s easy breezy. But deciding not to settle for less than what you want is SO freaking challenging, and frankly, most people do not do this.

Because you’re constantly being given options that look good enough.

You’re scared you’ll never find the partner you really want, so you settle for a partner who gives you attention. On a deeper level, you fear that you don’t deserve the person you want.

Or you’re scared you can’t create a successful business, so you stay in the 9-5 with benefits.

You know what you want, but you’re terrified that you’ll never get it – so you opt for the safer, “good enough” route. And then you find yourself saying everyone who is following your dreams is just LUCKY.

It’s hard to have confidence that waiting and persisting is going to pay off.

But what I’ve found is that people either find acceptance in the safer route and find themselves just as happy. Or, they settle for the safer route and are resentful that they didn’t actually go after what they wanted. They complain and don’t change it.

There are a few things that have helped me with my mindset around going after what I want and not settling. And let me tell you, this is an ongoing PROCESS. It’s not a one-time thing or something that you always get right. It’s something to constantly be evaluating and working on.

Here’s the three step system to getting what you want and never settling.

1. Manifesting

The way I see it, the best perspective to have is to love where you’re at, while knowing that you are going to do my darnedest to stay firm in your belief that what you want is on its way. Things will continue to get better – and you’re also happy where you are.

With this manifesting mindset, there’s no desperate energy. There’s no wishful thing and negative thinking – it’s simply, I’m happy (or at minimum, accepting) about this and I want more of that. When I’m doing this well, there are no timeline expectations. There’s this inner knowing that what I desire is on its way. Or, maybe something even better that I couldn’t have anticipated. I’ll take either.

The reason I feel like this mindset is so important is that if you’re constantly chasing future happiness, you’ll never find it. Or it will be so fleeting that it’s not worth it. But if you can be happy in your present state when it’s not picture-perfect, you’re much more likely to achieve your goals and also not place your self-worth where it doesn’t belong.

2. Willingness to walk away

There are so many things that will pop up that give you the option to take actions that feel good at the moment and bad in the future.

And in order to stay focused on what you want, you will often need to choose to take actions that align with it. Sometimes, that means being willing to walk away from the person you love and hold firm in the boundaries you set because they’re not treating you well. Or staying firm when asking for a raise, and being willing to walk away from the job if they don’t accept.

3. Accepting it wasn’t meant for you

When you do have to walk away or something doesn’t work out that you wanted, the next step is finding acceptance. To trust the process, essentially. What is meant for you WILL find its way back to you.

This is an ongoing journey and one that you will get wrong constantly.

If you’re like me, you’re used to making choices out of scarcity and feeling like if you let this (relationship, job, etc.) go, there won’t be anything better out there. 

And once you realize that 1) that’s absurd, there totally will be and 2) you’ll be okay if there isn’t, you can start releasing some of this tension you’re feeling. Because being in a relationship/career/etc isn’t what should define your happiness.

Society tells us what we should want and therefore, we buy into this belief that if we’re not married with kids by the time we’re in our early thirties, we’re doing it wrong. And there’s not just pressure from ourselves to live up to certain standards, but expectations from everyone else that we should be following a specific route.

I’m here to tell you that what you want is not only entirely possible, but also that you don’t need to want what everyone else wants. Define your own path, and never settle for anything less – unless you want to.

That being said, after going HARD on late nights & all nighters for the first six months of business, I reached a point of extreme exhaustion and found myself feeling overly emotional, physically fatigued, and just all around tired. As you may know from experience, this is not a fun (or productive) place to be.

At that point in time, my nighttime schedule looked something like this:

8:00 PM: Work on the couch until eyes are literally shutting

12:00 AM: Head into the bathroom to wash face and brush teeth

12:15 AM: Slide into bed and scroll on IG/check emails until once again, eyes are literally shutting

1:00 AM: Turn out the lights and pass out, toss & turn all night

Upon some self-reflection, it wasn’t hard to realize that this “routine” wasn’t doing me any favors, and it was no wonder I felt drained from the inside out. So, I dove headfirst into research on how to fix my sleep schedule without sacrificing productivity. Upon beginning this journey, I ran into the term “Sleep Hygiene”.

sleep hy·giene noun. habits and practices that are conducive to sleeping well on a regular basis.

Sounds pretty great right? It is! So, to save you hours of research and testing here’s an abridged lesson on the basics of Sleep Hygiene. A Sleep Hygiene 101, if you will – the 10 components of a nighttime routine that have the power to transform your sleep as you know it.

Quality over quantity

While research shows 7-9 hours of sleep is best for adults, the number of hours is null if the sleep is not high-quality. The following tools will help ensure quality sleep, but keep this in mind when you’re mapping out your sleep schedule.

Power down

That’s right, I’m talking about turning off your technology. Not only do electronics emit blue light (which literally tells your brain that it’s time to be awake), they also often are the source of intense stimulation for our senses. The mind needs time to process information and “wind down” thoughts before it will allow you to fall asleep, so the earlier you cut off your time looking at your phone, computer, or tv, the better.

Warm bath/warm water

Submerging your body in warm water is scientifically proven to relax your muscles, relieve pain, and reduce anxiety. It’s no wonder this helps you fall asleep. While a bath is most effective, simply taking a warm shower to rinse off the day can be beneficial as well.

Personal hygiene

I’m sure we can all agree that personal hygiene is important, but when it comes to your nighttime routine, creating strong habits in this category can be especially effective. Not only can these habits assist in sending the message to your brain that it’s time to get in bed, but brushing your teeth and tongue scraping also removes bacteria which improves digestion and allows your body to rest calmly.

Upgraded sleepwear

If you’ve ever woken up in the middle of the night because you’re too hot or sweaty, the culprit may be your sleepwear. Finding breathable sleepwear (especially made from satin, silk, cotton, linen), will keep you cool and dry all night long. Some of my affordable favorites include this satin set & this 100% cotton set.

Red light

Swapping out red light in your lamps in the evening hours is said to help stimulate the production of melatonin (the hormone that controls our sleep cycle). While the research is still a bit inconclusive, it certainly provides a relaxing environment and is much gentler than bright white light or blue light from our devices! Here is the lightbulb I recommend, which is controlled by a remote to dim and change colors.

Cool atmosphere

Similarly to the sleepwear, if your room is either too cold or too hot, you’re much more likely to wake in the night. The ideal temperature for adult humans to sleep in is between 65-67 degrees fahrenheit. Using a fan with a built in air purifier can also help, especially if you live in an urban area where the air quality is less than ideal.

Reading

Diving into a book before bed is linked with increased brain power, creativity, and relaxation. These benefits carry through the night and all the way into the next day, talk about a twofer!

Journaling/writing

The practice of writing before bed can be very therapeutic and is also an excellent way to clear your mind. If you find yourself with “racing thoughts” while you’re trying to fall asleep, keep a journal next to your bed and when your mind begins to move a million miles a minute, take out a pen and write all of the thoughts down. This way, you can rest assured that your thoughts won’t be forgotten the following morning.

Darkness

Of course, it’s well known that it’s easier to sleep with the lights off, but the reasoning runs deep within our biology. While red light may help stimulate melatonin production, pitch darkness is a surefire way to boost the production and signal to your brain that it’s time for bed. That being said, do your best to eliminate any light sources from your room by shutting blinds and potentially sleeping with an eye mask in order to achieve optimal sleep.

With this knowledge, I got straight to work. After about 6 months of testing these strategies and refining my night routine practice, I can confidently say that I have it down to a science.

If you’re looking to kickstart your journey to better sleep, here’s my exact nighttime routine for a successful 5 AM wake up. Give it a try, and shoot me an email or DM to let me know how you feel!

8:00 PM: All technology is put away and placed on Do Not Disturb (or, preferably, Airplane Mode)

8:15 PM: Draw a bath and/or brew peppermint tea

8:45 PM: Rinse the day off, brush teeth, complete skincare routine, put on pajamas

9:00 PM: Prepare for the following day (plug in devices, set coffee machine, lay out gym clothes)

9:15 PM: Set up bedroom for success. Close blinds, switch to red light, turn thermostat down to 67, turn on Dyson fan/air purifier, un-make bed

9:30 PM: Read, journal, and write out any last minute thoughts before heading to sleep

10:00 PM: Lights out, eyes closed. A restful 7 hours of sleep ahead. 

One last note for those of you who may be thinking “This all sounds great, but I need those nighttime hours to work. There’s no way I can get to sleep by 10 PM every night!”.

Look, I hear you. I am you! But, the beauty of this routine is that once you get in a groove, your waking hours are exponentially more productive than they used to be.

Think about it, your brain gets the opportunity to actually recharge and reset during the night, so rather than fighting fatigue on top of a crazy schedule, you’re able to have more energy to do the work, and on top of that, your thoughts will be sharper and quicker. Talk about a productivity hack! Sweet dreams.