She’s in her early forties and has been practicing since her teen years, and I sit there on my yoga block at the start of class and soak in all the juicy goodness that comes out before we head into our flow for the evening.

If you’ve been following me for a while now, you probably know how I feel about hustle culture. I’m not a fan of hustling and willpowering our way through to get the results we want. But at the same time, I recognize that a lot of the results we want in life require focus and discipline.

Then she said a Sanskrit phrase for the in-between of effort and ease:

sthira-sukham asanam

“That’s it,” I thought.

That’s the feeling I’ve been trying to figure out how to put into words. There’s no perfect word for this in the English language.

It’s that feeling of pushing yourself enough to feel a challenge, while still feeling some ease, like it’s the thing you’re meant to be doing.

It’s what I want from my life. I don’t want everything to feel easy. Because it’s not fulfilling. It’s a powerful practice: working on something, seeing the progress, and knowing it’s because you’ve put in effort to improve.

This is a silly analogy but stick with me here:

I have to walk in the pouring rain to get to my yoga practice, even when I don’t feel like it. I don’t have a car, and my studio is a 25 min walk. It’s not ease, it also requires effort. It feels good to make that effort.

But what if I was walking in the rain with a rock in my shoe and refused to remove it?

It sounds silly, because who wouldn’t remove the rock…?

A lot of us think that we win brownie points for getting through the pain of something in our lives, when we can make it easier on ourselves by removing the thing causing us suffering.

You don’t earn points for struggling for the sake of it.

There’s a difference between a worthwhile pursuit and putting yourself through struggle, when it doesn’t have to be like that. A lot of us were taught that all good things have to be hard work. But I’ve learned that it’s not true.

Not all good things in life need to be earned with struggle.

But I think the truth lies within sthira-sukham asanam. Putting in effort makes something more worthwhile when it’s something that adds meaning and value to our life. When it feels inwardly like it’s meant to be.

It’s also why we’re scared to go after our dreams, because it’s the most worthwhile pursuit, and it requires us to give our full effort.

And we’re so scared that if we give something our full effort, what if it fails?

But sthira-sukham asanam to me means that the most meaningful things in our lives will be a a blend of effort and ease.

It won’t feel like an uphill battle. It’s the right amount of giving our best, feeling rewarded, and feeling like we’re moving in our lives with purpose and meaning.

A lot of us know that feeling. We can’t explain it but something is calling us to this thing – whether it’s as simple as a yoga practice or a career change or a person we’re drawn to.

And it feels good to give effort to that thing, because it almost feels magnetic, like it loves us back. It’s not ease-filled, but it’s worth the energy we’re giving it.

If only we could all put effort into what loves us back – and leave the rest behind us.

See here for more from this series:

• Letting go of social media
• Letting go of my morning coffee
• Letting go of recreational spending

Now, letting go wasn’t a concept that I’d leaned into before. By nature, I’m someone who white-knuckles my goals and tries to will them into fruition. I’ve made big moves, I’ve stepped out in faith, and what I needed this year was to let go of the things that were holding me back and no longer serving me.

Each month, I’ve committed to fasting from one thing that I noticed myself clinging pretty tightly to. The goal was never to deprive myself of something that I needed, but rather to see what would happen when I stopped relying on that one thing to get me through. 

In one of the first months of 2022, I was hesitant to start my experiment. During this month, I chose to give up sweets in the evening. Before we go any further, I want to clarify that this was not about weight loss. This wasn’t about hating anything that tasted good or depriving myself of something that I wanted to fit into a pair of jeans. This was just a place to start. And quite honestly, I didn’t think it would be that hard.

I thought, “You know what, I don’t really eat a lot of treats. I don’t eat a lot of sugar. Maybe this is cheating.” I quickly realized that was not the case. Once I started monitoring this habit, I found that after I put my two girls down for the night, I would go straight into the kitchen looking for something sweet to eat.

What I soon realized was that this was my time to eat something that wasn’t going to be taken from me, asked for, or shared. It also wasn’t something that I would have to defend… you know, like why this candy was for mommy only, or whatever other excuse I could come up with.

I realized this was my time. I didn’t realize that I was searching for something that was my own, something that I could control that could make me feel better at that moment.

For many parents, that final push at the end of the night can be taxing. From witching hour to storytime to bath time to bedtime… oh, and don’t forget more stories!

I realized I was looking for a way to redemption, yet I had no clue that I was searching for it in the kitchen. Remember, this is not about whether or not you should allow yourself to have treats or not. But for me, at this moment, I realized that I was trying to soothe myself in a way that wasn’t nourishing to my body.

After having this realization, I noticed sweets popping up in so many areas of my life – like seeing candy at the register when I’m dropping off the dry cleaning or getting my nails done.

As I reached for one at every place, I went to pop a little something in my mouth. After all, it was just a fun little moment. I realized that I was absentmindedly eating more than I was aware of, again, wondering if it going to make a huge difference. I started to ask myself why I was going through life, paying little attention to what I was putting in my body.

I thought about how I could make a change so that I was intentional about what I was consuming, and I realized I was eating things that I didn’t even really like!

Now, this may or may not be a struggle for you. But like I said, I wasn’t thinking about what I was eating. I was just grabbing it because it was right in front of me.

And oftentimes, I was alone. No one was watching anyway, right? But this wasn’t how I wanted to live my life. I want to be able to cope with hard moments and enjoy the fun moments without having to be something that isn’t elevating me.

I was spending my days constantly tired, meanwhile consuming things that weren’t fuelling my body throughout the day, every single day.

However, stopping this habit for a short time allowed me to really enjoy those sweets once I brought them back into my life. I could be more intentional, more thoughtful, and actually savor those moments, enjoying them as a celebration rather than just something just to do and be done with.

For those wondering, eliminating sweets had no effect on my body type. The goal wasn’t ever to lose weight, but what I did feel was different. I felt more confident. I didn’t feel the shame and guilt from hiding those moments of whatever sweets I could grab and consume as fast as I could.

This was yet another layer that I could peel back for a deeper breakthrough. I learned that the things I was hiding and covering in my heart and soul by a simple, momentary fix were masking an area of my heart that needed tending to.

By removing sweets for a short time, I was given a different lens to look through, and as a result, I was able to care for myself in a new way.

Given this new proverbial lens, I was able to look back at the actual problem and find a solution that helped me avoid getting to the place of a micro-burnout every single day. I got to rearrange our schedule and work through a bedtime routine that was a better experience for all of us. I was also able to look at the types of trees that we have in our lives and find options that were healthier, more enjoyable, and if it was food related, more thoughtful.

While the LA Cool Girl aesthetic was introduced on my TikTok in May 2022, her carefree nature and go-with-the-flow lifestyle can be adopted by anyone.

The most important component is simply celebrating who you are. She doesn’t need to be the loudest or draw any attention herself — but she’s often the most confident. In fact, she can be quite reserved, taking in everything around her with a curious nature.

During my career in the entertainment industry, I noticed that many celebrities immediately shift their energy when they walk into a room. Working so closely with them on shows, I learned that they turn their charisma “on” and “off” depending on the setting. This requires a lot of recharging behind-the-scenes, so they can truly shine in the public eye.

The LA Cool Girl leads with this same strong sense of self. Others naturally gravitate toward her good energy. The LA Cool Girl doesn’t need to be a celebrity to feel like one. She celebrates every aspect of her life and inspires others to do the same. The key is knowing how to recharge. She attributes her effortless coolness to the self-care practices she does behind the scenes.

@lisarosentv No makeup, just vibes #lacoolgirl #coolgirls #losangeleslifestyle #selfcaretiktok #fyp #foryou ♬ Oblivion – Grimes

1. The LA Cool Girl doesn’t immediately say “yes” to plans.

It’s so easy to feel excited about making plans in the moment, but no one wants to cancel at the last minute. The LA Cool Girl looks for ways to create balance between her work, home and social life. She’s careful to consider what gives her energy and what depletes it. She thrives in intimate gatherings or parties with close friends, but large events with too much small talk will easily exhaust her.

With those factors in mind, she’s just upfront if she’s not able to make it — but thankful for the invite. People always appreciate her honesty! Sometimes the best self care is staying home, ordering PostMates, and watching an early 2000’s rom-com. Instead of FOMO, she knows there will always be other opportunities to bring her best energy without taking on too much.

2. The LA Cool Girl brings the vibe anywhere she goes.

There is certainly a time and place to “go all out” when it comes to self-expression. The LA Cool Girl may be over the top with her style choices at times, or even a little extra when throwing a Euphoria-themed house party with her bestie.

When it comes to the day-to-day, she’s pretty chill. She finds joy in the little moments — like lighting palo santo, doing a 10-min yoga stretch, or a quick meditation here and there. If she forgets, it’s no sweat. 

She savors her energy as an act of self-care and doesn’t get too concerned with always looking “put together.” No makeup, a baseball hat, and sweatpants is a fully acceptable daytime look. Whether she’s on her morning walk or working from a coffee shop, she’ll stop to pet every dog, smile at a baby, and ask the barista how he’s doing. She brings the vibe anywhere she goes.

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3. The LA Cool Girl gets extra sleep and plenty of rest.

The LA Cool Girl makes it a point to be present when she’s with people. She’s not consumed by her phone or lost in her own thoughts. She loves to have deep conversations, really get to know people, and dive into creative projects. Especially as someone who gets bursts of energy when she’s excited about something, she feels her best when she’s well-rested.

She practices self-care by taking it easy without being overly productive. Especially on weekends, it feels great to keep the days open-ended. She gives herself permission to just watch Netflix, clean her apartment, or run to CVS for the makeup wipes she forgot to order from Amazon. The LA Cool Girl gives her body what it needs. She doesn’t feel guilty about sleeping in or “not getting everything done!”

For the LA Cool Girl, putting time and effort into self care is always worth it. Making her life feel fun and free is thanks to these few simple steps that greatly contribute to her happiness. She encourages everyone to be themselves and never misses an opportunity to recharge. Showing up with good vibes and great energy is always her thing.

Self-compassion is the act of extending warmth, love, and understanding to yourself during a time of adversity or challenge. 

It’s realizing our shared humanity, being mindful of what we’re thinking, and actively choosing to be kind and tender to ourselves.

When we practice the art of self-compassion, we also fuel the compassion we feel for others. Oftentimes, when we are overly judgmental and critical of someone else, it’s because we’re also extending criticism and shame onto ourselves. It always comes back to our own self-nurturing.

Dr. Kristin Neff, who is a leading researcher in the realm of self-compassion, categorizes it into three core elements: Self-Kindness, Presence, and Common Humanity.

So, how do we practice this in our daily life? And how do we truly embody it long enough to see it change our perspective?

Practice self-kindness

Being genuinely more kind to ourselves can be a challenge. We are wired to see the flaws, especially by society and some of its standards. Everywhere we turn, we see how we “should” look, “should” live, “should” be. With these heightened feelings of expectation from our external world, it is no surprise that we speak so harshly to ourselves in a world that makes us feel not enough. 

Self-kindness starts with the understanding that we are absolutely worthy of the support, acceptance, and warmth that we extend to others. Embracing a path toward self-kindness means to actively choose tenderness toward ourselves during times of challenge.

Beginning to notice your personal dialogue and your automatic responses to life situations, both internally and externally, can create massive shifts toward more self-compassion. 

Starting to dive deeper into your own inner world will strengthen this practice. Having a journaling routine that allows expansion can be helpful in order to have internal discoveries.

Or even using a card deck as a reminder can be enough to shift your perspective toward a more loving relationship with yourself. This card deck specifically prompts thinking points around the topic of self-compassion. 

When you notice yourself speaking harshly, notice the thought, release it, and send yourself love. Strengthening self-compassion is life-long work. It’s never meant to be about perfection.

Honor how you feel & what you need

Researcher and Author, Brene Brown talks a lot about the power of naming our emotions accurately in her book, Atlas of the Heart. Many of us are unaware of what we are specifically feeling. Sadness, grief, frustration, jealousy, envy, etc. Even through these emotions, we can still make space for extending compassion to ourselves.

When we accurately name our emotions by asking “what am I feeling”, we can move through them in ways that feel best for us. After we acknowledge those emotions and release any need to resist them, the next question to ask is: “what do I need?”

Asking the question: “what do I need?” creates a pivotal moment of presence for yourself.

Self-compassion also means honoring your own needs. When was the last time you asked yourself what you truly needed in any given moment? Maybe you need to eat a nourishing meal or drink some water. Maybe you need to listen to music that will leave you feeling upbeat or allow you to release a cry. Maybe you need to go for a walk and go offline. 

When situations arise and emotions are high, stop to ask yourself what it is that you’re actually feeling. Gift yourself space to feel your emotions and then ask yourself what you need.

Oftentimes, we work so fast, moving from one task to another, that we rarely ask ourselves this crucial question.

Share with someone you trust

The people we spend time with are a reflection of how we see ourselves. It’s important to surround yourself with people who uplift, guide, and support you. 

Along with naming our emotions and honoring what we need, we also must have people to connect and share with. When we bring awareness to our inner world by expressing it outward, this creates a huge shift in understanding ourselves & the world around us.

Whether it be a therapist, friend, coach, family member — there are always people who will embrace you with open arms. Sharing our stories and embracing that vulnerability will always feel rewarding when we share with the right people. It will allow you to feel seen, heard and understood.

This practice emphasizes the idea that we are all of common humanity, feeling similar emotions as those who surround us. This creates a powerful sense of community and fuels the understanding that we are truly never alone and we are all part of a similar human experience.

As you walk through your days or a challenging season, remember that you deserve love and kindness — no matter what. You are worthy of understanding and that the power of self-compassion can fundamentally change your life and expand you to new horizons. Keep walking that path. You deserve it.

This year, I set an intention that I wanted to see major breakthroughs in my life. Now, for some entrepreneurs that might mean hustling, taking massive action and making big moves. But for me, I knew that this had to be something different. 

After all, I’ve tried all that before and the typical leadership tricks just weren’t cutting it. While I saw some results with that strategy, I also saw a lot of sacrifice and exhaustion and no freedom in my business. 

For me, this year was all about letting go in order to break free. So, I set the commitment of fasting from one thing every single month that I was holding on to more tightly than I wanted to. 

To be clear, this was never about depriving myself, my body or my life of things that enriched or nourished it. This was not a punishment but rather, an experiment to see what would happen when I released my grip and turned my eyes to what was coming ahead of me rather than forcing what I thought should happen.

The Coffee Fast 

Coffee lovers, you’ll get me when I say that I was nervous about letting go of my first cup of coffee every single morning. But in the name of breakthrough, I knew what was once a morning ritual had now become a crutch and I needed a break. 

I have tried a complete sacrifice of coffee in the past where I didn’t drink it at all for a few days in a row and if you’ve tried that before you know it can be difficult. I saw some side effects in the form of headaches that come with the release as caffeine leaves your body. Been there, done that and never going back! 

This month’s fast was an intentional shift of my morning routine. Here’s what happened. 

It didn’t have to be all or nothing. 

Often when I approached resetting habits, I resisted because it felt like the only way to see a change was to eradicate the habit forever.

It is important to be gentle with yourself and I realized that first cup of coffee that I longed for, could wait. I could recommit my morning routine to something that really made a significant impact on my mental health and still have that yummy cup that filled me up. 

I took back my morning. 

I knew that while coffee in the morning was not something unique to me, nor something I had to go without entirely, I wanted to recommit the beginning moments of my day to something that would lift me up and set my day with more intention.

I have a practice of journaling that I know is the best way for me to start my day. It helps me get out of myself and allows me to have the perspective I need to tackle the day from a place of gratitude. It is also the space where I can record celebrations and get rid of any doubt, fear or lies rolling around in my mind so they don’t frame my day. 

I realized that by focusing on journaling and praying and going through my morning routine, I was able to set intentions for my day. Rather than my day just coming at me I was able to get on top of things. I was in a position to really enjoy and see the fruits that were coming throughout the day.

I felt more awake throughout the day. 

By not having my coffee the second I woke up, my body was able to wake up on its own.

Unbeknownst to me, I had been pushing down my body’s natural response to waking up in the morning and all the while I had been trying to speed it up. I found I was more present with my kids and clients and, as time went on, I found myself skipping coffee altogether. 

I felt less anxious. 

Maybe you’re like me and have a very busy morning schedule. I have two daughters who wake up ON and we have much to do before school starts.

Then, there is a moment when everything kind of dies down after that first flurry in the morning. While I should be settling into work, I noticed my heart racing as if I had just ran a marathon.

I was nervous to let go of that brain fuel, but I realized my body needed a break. I’d been hustling hard and pushing it far beyond its normal pace.

By letting go of the morning coffee, my body was able to reset and I wasn’t running through my day feeling amped up or burned out. 

Years of brain fog lifted. 

Over time, I started to realize a fog had lifted and I was thinking clearer than I had in a long time.

For years, I’d struggled with brain fog (you know, that feeling where you’re a walking zombie and can’t always finish a thought) but was typically dismissed when I brought it up because I have two small children.

I knew I was way more tired than the average parent yet I didn’t know why. I would crash in bed as soon as I put my kids to sleep and wake up tired and running for the coffee pot and so the cycle continued. 

Until I skipped the coffee. 

By switching up my coffee routine, I realized I was able to really wake up in the morning and have a full conversation. I was able to have thoughts and get creative. I was able to stay up later. This newfound energy was noticeable and helped reveal some other health notes I needed to pay attention to – talk about a breakthrough! 

This cup that I thought was bringing me life and filling up my cup (pun intended) – but really it was weighing me down. Again, I am not a coffee hater. I am a coffee lover. I have since continued to drink coffee.

But by removing this layer, I was able to see something that was mismanaged in my life.

I was able to reshift and move it to a time where it really could be something that lifted me up rather than pulling me down and making me anxious, setting my day up in a way that wasn’t meaningful. 

Have you ever given up coffee for any length of time? If you’re nervous, let me encourage you that it’ll be ok!

Remember, it doesn’t have to be forever and you can always change your mind.

What is one area you’d also like to see breakthrough?

Read this next: Coffee Alternatives To Avoid An Afternoon Crash

30 Self-Care Practices for Black Women

These practices are simple, but they can make a big difference in your life.

Black women self-care, why is it important?

Self-care is important for black women for a number of reasons. First, a black woman realizing her needs can be met with self-care is radical in itself. As the late Audre Lorde famously said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

As black women, we are viewed as the backbone of society, the caretakers. We are told to put everyone and everything else before ourselves without a second thought.

Self-care is a way of saying “I matter too”. It is a way of honoring yourself and your needs. When you take care of yourself, you are also better able to take care of those around

Second, self-care can help to prevent burnout. When we take the time to care for ourselves, we are better able to meet the demands of our lives. It is imperative that the message changes around black women’s self-care. We should not view self-care as selfish, but rather as a necessity.

And lastly, self-care can improve your overall health. Black women and their health often go unnoticed until there is a problem. We often do not have the time or resources to focus on preventative care.

However, self-care can help to improve our physical, mental, and emotional health. Self-care should be an important part of every black woman’s life. It is a way to show yourself that you matter and that your needs are important.

5 Minute Self-Care Practices for Black Women

1. Wake up five minutes early and stretch or do some deep breathing exercises.

2. Make your bed as soon as you get out of it.

3. Drink a glass of water right when you wake up. Add lemon, cucumber, or mint to your water for an extra boost!

4. Take a quick five-minute walk around your neighborhood.

5. Do a quick meditation or visualization exercise. Check out apps like Headspace or Calm for guided meditation exercises.

6. Make a healthy breakfast for yourself. Something as simple as eggs and toast can make a big difference!

7. Play some of your favorite music and dance around your house for a few minutes.

8. Write down some self-love prompts in your journal

9. Drink some fresh cold-pressed juice or smoothie.

10. Read a self-help book or blog post like the one you are reading now.

30 Minute Self-Care Practices for Black Women

11. Make yourself a nutritious breakfast filled with proteins, healthy fats, and complex carbohydrates.

12. Go for a thirty-minute walk outside in nature.

13. Do a thirty-minute yoga or Pilates video at home.

14. Make a healthy lunch to take with you to work or school.

15. Give yourself a thirty-minute hand or foot massage with some lotion or oil.

16. Take a relaxing bath with some Epsom salts and essential oils.

17. Make a healthy dinner for yourself and eat mindfully.

18. Spend some time journaling about your day or week.

19. Read a black authored book for thirty minutes before bed.

20. Watch a black sitcom a tv show that makes you feel good while providing you with plenty of laughter.

One Hour Radical Self-Care Ideas For Black Women

21. Get your hair done at a salon or do your own hair at home.

22. Enjoy a brunch date with a friend and then plan to do another activity you both enjoy.

23. Go to your local library and check out some books on self-care or black history.

24. Attend a self-care workshop or retreat geared towards black women.

25. Spend an hour writing down your goals and plans for the future.

26. Give yourself an at-home facial using all-natural products.

27. Make a healthy meal plan for the week ahead.

28. Go on a solo date to your favorite restaurant or cafe and savor every bite of your meal.

29. Request PTO and plan a weekend trip or staycation to relax and recharge.

30. Take an exercise class like Zumba, kickboxing, or dance class.

Self-Care For Black Women

There are endless self-care practices that black women can do to improve their well-being. Offering self-care rituals that take anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour, leaves you with plenty of options to choose from depending on your schedule.

Creating a reliable self-care routine is a way to show yourself that you matter and that your needs are important.

Pick one or two self-care practices from the list above and make them a part of your daily routine! Hopefully, this list has inspired you to start (or continue) your self-care journey!

Remember, self-care is an act of self-love and it is so important for black women to love themselves unconditionally.

The most important thing is to find what works for you and to make self-care a priority in your life.

Debunking the myth that black women can continue tirelessly working while neglecting their own needs is critical for our mental, emotional, and physical health.

Increasing messaging for black women to practice self-care can help to reduce stress and improve our overall quality of life.

When we take care of ourselves, we are modeling safe and healthy behaviors to those around us. And for the emphasis on black women taking care of themselves? We need to take care of ourselves so that we can be our best selves for ourselves, our families, and our communities

What black woman self-care practices will you be trying from this list?

Everything from health problems to work stress to family drama can make your anxiety worse, but a big underlying reason why we actually feel anxiety, especially when we feel it often, is because we are not living in the present moment (aka being mindful).

You can improve anxiety with mindfulness.

You may be wondering, what is mindfulness? 

Mindfulness, by definition, is the state of being conscious and aware.

By default, so many of us live our lives on autopilot. We are going from task to task without even really thinking about what we are doing.

A great example of this is when you drive to work. You take the same routes, same turns and you have been doing it for so long that it’s a subconscious act and you don’t even have to think about it. You can arrive at work and not even recall the steps you took to get there.

When we want to achieve mindfulness, we have to be conscious of our surroundings, our actions and our feelings.

A lot of feelings of anxiety come from obsessing over the past or worrying about the future and these two states keep us from being in the present moment. Not only does not being in the present moment rob us of our peace, but it also robs us of our happiness as well. 

So, what can you do to add more mindfulness to improve anxiety?

Here’s are 3 simple things you can try:

1. Mindful Walks

Next time you’re on a walk, instead of talking on your phone or scrolling through your Instagram feed become aware of your 5 senses and use them to anchor yourself in the present moment:

Sight – Look around you; look up at the sky and trees and look down at the ground. 

• What do you see?
• Can you notice the gentle movement of the branches on the trees from the wind?
• Do you see a bird flying through the sky?

Smell – Try closing your eyes and smelling the air

• What can you smell?
• Do you smell the blossoming flowers?
• Can you smell that after-rainfall fresh air?

Sound – Try closing your eyes and smelling the air

• What can you hear?
• Can you hear the sounds of the chirping birds?
• Do you hear the sounds of the wind moving through the leaves on the trees?

Touch – Walk up to a tree or plant and reach out to touch it

• What do you feel?
• Can you feel the texture of the bark?
• Do you feel the smoothness of a leaf or flower petal?

Taste – This one is a little harder, but try just opening your mouth and breathing in some air through it 

• What do you taste?
• Can you feel the taste of the air, maybe the moisture after a rainfall? Or the salt from the nearby ocean? 
• Do you feel like you can taste by also smelling how something smells nearby?

By using our 5 senses; Sight, Smell, Sound, Touch and Taste, we are actively practicing being conscious and connecting with our own body, which leads to more mindfulness.

Here are some tips for getting started with mindful walks:

Start small – At first, this will feel unnatural, so the smaller you can start, the better. Aim for just 5 minutes per day and work your way up to doing more. 

Make it easy – If you have a backyard, start there. You can wander around your backyard doing these same practices and still get the same results.

Make it into a routine – Be consistent with this practice. The more you practice it the easier it becomes to tap into the mindful state.

Connect with your breath

One of the best ways to practice mindfulness is to connect back to your physical body, and a great way to do this is by focusing on your breathing. 

It’s so easy for us to not focus on our breathing because it’s so second nature, but there is so much power in doing breathwork. It allows us to bring our body to a peaceful state and really anchor ourselves to the present moment. 

Here are some tips for doing breathwork:

• Put your hand on your heart – Just the simple act of putting your hand to your heart and feeling your heartbeat helps us connect with our bodies and be in the present moment. 
• Close your eyes – Closing your eyes will help you shut out any outside distractions and deepen your concentration on your breathing. 
• Take 3-5 breaths slowly in and out – While you’re breathing, really feel into your body. Notice the rise and fall of your chest, and your slowing, relaxed heart rate.

3. Practice gratitude

Gratitude is the act of focusing and thinking about the things that are present in our lives that we are thankful for. The very act of gratitude involves putting our focus on the things in our lives that are currently happening, which allows us to focus on the present instead of focusing on the future or the past. 

Here’s are some tips for starting a gratitude practice:

• Choose a time that suits you best – Schedule a time in your day to focus on practicing gratitude. Normally right at the beginning of your day once you wake up or right at the end of your day before you go to sleep are the most powerful times.
• Close your eyes and put your hand on your heart – Doing this helps anchor us into the present moment and the task at hand.
• Recite 3 things you are grateful for – Starting with 3 things is an easy place to start. If you’re having trouble thinking of things, get down to the very basics. Things like a roof over your head, clean water and a loving family are all easy things to be grateful for. 

Practicing mindfulness has so many benefits and is especially helpful for those who struggle with anxiety.

The more we can connect with ourselves – our own body and our own mind,  the more mindful we become. When we are more mindful, we leave less opportunities for overthinking and worrying resulting in you feeling happier and less anxious.

Remember, true happiness, fulfillment and peace do not come from outside factors, it comes from within, so start practicing mindfulness today and see just how much better and happier you feel.

Has medical treatment been unable to help you? Have you been diagnosed with “unexplained” infertility?

Do you feel a sense of there is a baby there even though the odds seem to be against you? Have you been told you have “old eggs”? Do you feel you are somehow broken? Are you losing hope?

Infertility Is Devastating

Infertility is devastating on so many levels. Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and sometimes financially. It is on par with what is considered a catastrophic illness, such as a severe cancer diagnosis, though it is not typically recognized as such.

It’s enough to have to struggle with the infertility issue, but to also be subjected to insensitive comments from others (just relax; well I guess this is God’s way of saying you’re not supposed to have children; the world is overpopulated anyway), to not be able to go anywhere without constantly seeing pregnant women and babies, to have to endure endless pregnancy announcements and baby pictures on social media, not to mention the seemingly endless baby shower invitations, is beyond disheartening.

Especially when you find out your friend, sister, or colleague is expecting their second or third child and you haven’t even been able to have one. Add to that the time and expense involved in seeking help, be it researching fertility clinics, wrangling with insurance companies, turning your world upside down to make and keep appointments, interpreting conflicting information, etc.

There are so many decisions to make, and it’s hard to make them while being pulled in as many directions. You may try to do everything; you might freeze and do nothing. Or you might find yourself spinning in a perpetual brake stand—one foot on the gas, the other on the brake, seemingly going nowhere.

HypnoFertility Can Help

HypnoFertility is an unprecedented hypnosis-based program created to support both natural and medically assisted fertility. Developed over the past three decades by myself, a Board Certified Hypnotherapist, this innovative process is the original HypnoFertility—now known as 3Keys® HypnoFertility, as the term HypnoFertility has become generic.

The 3Keys® designation was inspired by the three keys to conception which I received in meditation nearly 30 years ago, prior to the conception of my youngest child. 

More than just hypnosis, 3Keys® HypnoFertility is a multi-faceted, solution-focused process designed to tap into and reignite the inherent fertility that is a biological element of every woman. It is a unique blend of science and spirit that incorporates reframing of destructive thought patterns in the brain, clearing of the subconscious mind, and tending of the fundamental light of one’s heart and spirit. 

HypnoFertility helps you to become more grounded, centered, and balanced. Fertility-specific hypnosis helps to clear brain fog and sharpen intuition, addressing two crucial facets of effective decision-making, so that not only can you focus your thinking, but you can also better tune into your inherent fertility, your instinctive awareness. Subconscious blocks may also impede fertility, and HypnoFertility can release them as needed. 

Study after study has shown the detrimental impact that ongoing stress can have on the brain, and several recent studies have found that higher levels of day-to-day stress can significantly lower chances of becoming pregnant.

Stress levels increase the longer infertility troubles endure. Hypnosis is the antithesis of stress, and I have found this to be a core component in its fertility applications. In addition, I emphasize the balance of intention and surrender and the fundamentals of the three keys to conception to help my clients to get and to stay pregnant.

The Balance of Intention and Surrender

Those with fertility difficulties tend to be doers, achievers, overachievers. They are competitive, they are accomplished, they know what they want and how to get it.

Regardless, “you can’t do a baby.” No matter how much money, time, energy, determination, and anything else someone throws at trying to conceive, it is just not possible to force a baby to happen.

What a person can do is to put their energy into the things they can actually do—intend to have a baby, decide how to go about it, choose practitioners, go to appointments, and so forth. Intention is the doer part. Its counterpart, surrender, is necessary to create balance.

For pregnancy purposes, surrender does not mean to give up; it means to let go, to allow, to become receptive. The balance of intention and surrender is very much non-attachment. It is the balance of doing and being.  It is Let go and let God. A person cannot “left-brain” a baby, nor can they simply dream one up. It is a process; it is a necessary balance. You do what you can do, and you surrender the rest. 

The 3 Keys to Conception

A rather astounding succession of synchronicities guided me from my origins in Toronto, Canada through my arrival in Denver, Colorado where I currently reside, and where HypnoFertility was officially born. Relocating several times over a 30-year period, I found myself gathering a piece of a puzzle I didn’t know I was solving in each place I landed.

One of these pieces is what I call the 3 Keys to Conception, hence 3Keys® HypnoFertility. I received the keys in meditation; the full story is the basis of my second book, aptly titled The 3 Keys to Conception. 

The three keys to conception are simple, yet powerful, and employing them will enable you to feel like your life is your own again; to achieve balance of mind, body, and spirit; to achieve balance of intention and surrender; and to create the correct vibrational alignment with your spirit baby. The three keys serve more than one purpose. Each is a practice on its own; together they are one. Implementing the three keys can unlock the answers we seek. 

Meditate

The first key to conception is Meditate. This does not necessarily mean formal meditation, though it can, but embodies the mind state of quiet. We must take time for some form of quiet in our lives. This may indeed be some form of meditation such as guided or walking or transcendental. It might be using self-hypnosis, walking in nature, taking a few deep breaths, listening to some peaceful music, or perhaps relaxing in a bubble bath.

To use the Meditate key is to be closer to Source, to Spirit, to God, to Goddess, to Creator, to the Universe, to our own inner silence. Hypnosis is a powerful way to do this, particularly for those who have trouble quieting their minds. As stillness is not required, the mind can chatter away during hypnosis. The chattering mind is the conscious mind, the thinking mind. Hypnosis works with the subconscious mind which is what makes therapeutic hypnosis so attractive to those who struggle with meditation. 

Hypnosis is similar to meditation, yet also quite different. Some types of meditation, such as guided, fall directly under the hypnosis umbrella though they are not nearly as powerful when we are dealing with something major.

When we need something more than what we can do ourselves, when we’ve been exposed to the negative hypnosis of a bleak diagnosis, when we’re stuck in deep despair, when we can’t relax or focus, or when there are subconscious blocks that we just can’t meditate out of our minds, therapeutic hypnosis and hypnotherapy are particularly helpful. This is where HypnoFertility comes in. It is the uplevel of the meditate key. 

Listen

Listen is the second key to conception. The Meditation key helps us reconnect with instinct and intuition, inherent fertility; it is rejuvenation and regeneration.

As we begin spending regular time in what might be called the field of intention, in silence, with God/Goddess, in Source, with Creator, open to the Universe… we begin receiving pertinent information as to the conception of the baby so desperately desired. Now, it is time to listen. We know deep down what we need to do or not do; it is vital to tune in, to listen. The 3Keys^® protocols facilitate, establish, and reinforce the first key, the meditate key, and pave the way for consistent application of the second key: listen. 

Trust

The third key is Trust. We have all received intuitive guidance and not listened, and then wished we had. Or we have listened but refused to trust, to believe that the intuitive information we were getting was right. As we become more grounded, centered, and in tune with ourselves, trust comes more easily. In getting quiet, in truly listening, you will receive whatever conception information you need. It is essential to trust it!

It may take some time and practice with the first two keys before we can fully implement this one, but that’s okay. The three keys to conception complement, develop, and reinforce one another at the subconscious level. Meditate, Listen, Trust—the formula for success.

Science and Spirit

People with multiple medical degrees, research scientists, reproductive endocrinologists, etc.—people who are well-versed in all the science—seek out 3Keys® HypnoFertility because they know that there is more to infertility than science.

Science doesn’t have all the answers, the spiritual aspect of the infertility crisis must too be addressed. What we might think of as the mystery, the unknown.

The part that is mostly overlooked or even dismissed within the world of science. Spirit babies, for example. There are such things as spirit babies, and whether they are “real,” or a concept, sense, or feeling their mothers and fathers have, they absolutely exist.

Spirit babies don’t care how we define them or if we believe in them, they know there is more to the world than what we can perceive with our five senses. They are more than we can perceive with our five senses. There is a spiritual aspect to infertility, and it is as important as any of the other parts. A blend of science and spirit is unequivocally necessary for healthy fertility. 

When is HypnoFertility a good option?

I call HypnoFertility the missing link as it improves the efficacy of other treatments and basically ties it all together.

In some cases, HypnoFertility is an alternative to unwanted medical treatment, but it also aids medical fertility procedures to help increase success rates.

The process is holistic, non-invasive, and promotes all aspects of mind, body, and spirit balance. The 12-session program is designed to restore the body’s natural balance, which is often upset by emotional blocks, stress, and a host of modern life’s difficulties.

3Keys® HypnoFertility is especially helpful for those with “unexplained” infertility—this diagnosis often indicates subconscious blocks which are not easily released without hypnosis. Regardless of the circumstances, HypnoFertility can help.

Infertility is a global epidemic and I have worked diligently for years to make people aware that hypnosis is a viable option for this devastating issue. 

I heard about the hot girl walk viral trend – and I thought, what a fun concept for getting yourself into a mode where you’re feeling good. It’s not about a superficial feeling of “being hot”, it’s about embodying a mindset of feeling confident and showing up like that.

This roundup is filled with intentional, mindful podcasts that will get you in a good mood and make you feel powerful, independent, and hopefully a little happier.

And by the way, you don’t need to be a girl to enjoy these podcasts – it’s just a fun term, so don’t take it too seriously! ;)

What are Hot Girl Walks?

“Hot girl walks” were coined by Mia Lind from @exactlyliketheothergirls on TikTok. According to Lind, on a “hot girl walk”, you’re only able to think about three things:

1. Things you’re grateful for
2. Your goals and how you’re going to achieve them
3. How hot you are

The idea behind a hot girl walk is to focus on the good things in life, to set your day up for success.

While I believe the hot girl walk is supposed to be 10k steps, I really think of this walk as a way to get into a good mindset, no matter how much time you have to dedicate.

And to just intentionally use your walk time to think positively, feel good, and think about what you want your day and life to feel like. Hotties take care of themselves, right? ;)

Here are some hot girl walk podcasts to start your day with

1. Life Goals In Progress

A motivational, daily-ish podcast to encourage you as you go after your life goals – in 15 minutes or less.

Our founder Coley Lane Bouschet gives you quick, bite-sized inspiration to take with you in your day. She shares relatable stories & tips on what she’s learning on her own personal growth journey, so you can get a dose of motivation for living your best life.

Style: Solo episodes

Frequency: Almost daily

Length: ~10 minutes

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

2. LeadingEdge

If you ask me, one of the best mindset listens is Law of Attraction content from Abraham Hicks. I know the Law of Attraction isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if you’re working on manifesting more positive things into your life, these quick episodes will help you with getting into a better mindset and energy. 

Style: From Abraham Hicks seminars/workshops

Frequency: Biweekly

Length: Under 20 minutes

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

3. Manuka Sunday

This wellness podcast from Mel is all about healing, well-being, and productivity for entrepreneurs. I love Mel’s soothing voice and energy – she’s such good vibes! She talks about optimizing your life, and isn’t afraid to tackle those uncomfy conversations.

Style: A mix of solo episodes and interviews

Frequency: No set schedule

Length: Typically around 50 minutes

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

4. The Chillpreneur Podcast

From the badass entrepreneur, Erin May Henry. If you’re a business owner, this is the perfect business podcast for getting you in a boss mindset. I love Erin’s authenticity, both on her Instagram, YouTube channel and podcast. Her concept of “becoming the coolest person you know” is so inspiring. She’s the perfect fit if you feel like an entrepreneur with a rebellious side!

Style: A mix of solo episodes and interviews

Frequency: No set schedule

Length: 40 minutes – 1 hour

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

5. In Between

The In Between podcast from bffs Astrid and Alexis around lifestyle, travel, fashion, business, relationships and everything in between. It’s all about being in the “in between” stages of growth. I love that they’re tackling transitional times of your life, and it’s a super real podcast that also feels like a fun girls’ chat. 

Style: Podcasts with the two hosts

Frequency: Weekly

Length: About an hour

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

6. The Self-Love Fix

Beatrice Kamau is an embodiment coach helping WOC dive deeper into self-love and personal development. She shares tips on navigating self doubt, healing and relationships, and dating in 2022. As Beatrice puts it, “This podcast is all about helping you shift from shame, people-pleasing, codependency, low self-esteem, and self-doubt and into alignment, expansion, and unapologetic self-trust through spirituality and healing the inner-child.”

Style: Mostly solo episodes with some interviews

Frequency: Weekly

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

7. I Love You So Much With Kenzie Elizabeth

YouTuber and Content Creator, Kenzie Elizabeth’s podcast is such a relatable, uplifting podcast especially when you’re in your twenties. She chats reading, mental health, friendships and more.

Style: A mix of interviews and solo episodes

Frequency: Weekly

Length: 30-50 minutes

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

8. Just Glow With It

Jasmine Shah’s podcast is such an uplifting self-care podcast aimed to “guide you on your journey of becoming your best self and manifesting your dream life.” She shares tips for the modern, spiritual and ambitious women.

Style: Mostly solo episodes

Frequency: Weekly

Length: About 30 minutes

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

What’s your favorite hot girl walk podcast? Tell us what you’re listening to in the comments!

Looking for more podcast recommendations? We got you:

• Motivational Podcasts On Intentional Living
• Podcasts For Becoming Your Best Self
• Career-Focused Podcasts for Starting A Business

Well, have you tried healing with your sacral chakra energy and feeling your feelings versus thinking about them? 

Or do you ever wonder about those people you meet who ooze sensuality, passion, warmth, radiance?

They’re the ones who make all the noises while they eat a delicious meal and don’t need alcohol to dance.

They take up space in a room.

Their confidence is contagious.

You just want to be around them.

As author Meggan Watterson says, “I love lusty people.”

Well, these lusty people with a zest for life carry and emit healthy sacral chakra energy.

This is the missing piece to our healing journeys.

What exactly is the sacral chakra? 

As per yogic tradition, the sacral chakra is part of 7 energetic centers in the body, each responsible for different balances/imbalances.

The sacral chakra is the second one of the three earth-based, lower chakras: the root, sacral and solar plexus.

It’s represented by the color orange and the element of water, which makes sense since it’s in the space of the womb, about two inches below the navel, encompassing the hips, pelvic region, genitals, and lower back.

It’s the seat of our desires, sexuality, creativity, intimacy, pleasure, money, and our emotions. 

Think about it, what’s one of the first things to go when we’re stressed, let’s say about money? Our libido and our creativity.

Not to mention our emotions are hot-mess-express.

What about when you experience a trauma, what’s one of the first things to go? Your sex drive, creativity, and zest for life. 

What about the women who are sexually assaulted and struggle to connect intimately, even with themselves in self-pleasure afterward?

Taking your sensuality back is so much more than sexy dancing. 

When you work with the sacral chakra, it is a rewiring of your nervous system. It’s letting your body-mind know that you are safe to feel, relax, and take up space now.

Because when we are stuck in stress or trauma responses, pleasures register as wasted, even life-threatening vital resources. 

Instead of rest digest, and feed and breed, as trauma researcher Alex Howard puts it, we are stuck in fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

Case in point, me depressed with no libido after my husband suffered a traumatic brain injury and I became a full-time caregiver at 30 years old. 

Because if it’s stuck, then so is your sensuality, pleasure, passion, and creativity. 

And what is life if we only feel alive versus Alive? This is why we sensualize with the sacral chakra.

We sensualize as a way to feel Alive again and stir this energy, aka Shakti or life force energy, which is seen as the Divine Feminine power that animates and exists in all things. From a river to the firing of your neurons. 

And when we work with life force energy within the sacral chakra specifically, Shakti uncoils up the spine and we are able to unlock the body as a gateway to the mind and use sexual healing.

Healing from the bottom up with “the body chakra”

There are two major fields of thought in wellness right now: mindfulness and embodiment. 

Mindfulness obviously brings a major focus on the mind, while embodiment focuses on the body-mind. 80% of information actually travels from your body to your brain via neural pathways – surprising, right? 

Embodiment asks us to work from the bottom up, and the sacral chakra is often known as “the body chakra.”

So, we use the body to get out of our heads and into our minds.

We heal by working to unlock and unblock the lower chakras, in this case, the sacral chakra, to move up our energy channel into the fourth chakra of the heart and then ascend into the spirit realm chakras for full spectrum healing.

But in a world where we are stuck in our heads, even spiritual healing tends to make it seem that we should be monks meditating all day.

But that’s not realistic and the lower chakras are not less than the spirit realm chakras.  

The missing piece for full spectrum healing

I am here to say that healing with the sacral chakra is just as powerful, and a beautiful compliment to meditation and talk therapy. This is a key feature of all my embodied movement methods, memberships and retreats.

Now while I am by no means knocking meditation or therapy, and do in fact meditate and go to therapy regularly, I am here to tell you that the sacral chakra is one of the most powerful ways you can work with your body to transmute trauma, regulate a healthy nervous system, and feel confident.

Without it, you are relying on your head to “talk it out” or your mind to “meditate on it,” thus missing out on the processor of your body. Sometimes you don’t need to talk anymore. Just move it out, to clear it out.

So, how do you work with your sacral chakra?

Activating your sacral chakra doesn’t have to be hard. A simple way to ease into this healing is by moving the hips with breath.

Try this:

Put on slow, sensual music, I love Alina Baraz or Alayna.

Bridge lifts are a simple embodiment exercise to move this sexual, creative energy.

So, get on the floor with your knees bent and feet flat, about hip-distance apart. Close your eyes if that feels okay or find a point on the ceiling and let your peripherals fade out. 

Begin by putting the hands on the lower belly, below the navel. Take 10 breaths into the sacral chakra, inhaling in the nose and exhaling with sound out the mouth. Any sound goes! It doesn’t have to be quiet or pretty. 

Then, gently bounce your hips on the floor. Pause. Then, inhale lift the hips, exhale lower back down.

Do five bridge lifts as such. Go back to a gentle bounce. Then, back to the lifts, etc. You can include the arms, as well. Do for about one song length or 3-5 minutes.

With the music still playing, come to your knees and begin to move the spine and hips in a circular motion, as well as cat/cow. Feel the music and let your body lead the way. To finish, bring your hands on your body in stillness and breathe calmly. 

Feel that inner quiet, yet pulsing energy? That’s the power of using your sacral “body chakra” to get out of your head and heal your life! 

What should you expect?

Clearing and opening your sacral chakra energy will most likely release emotion. You might cry, feel energetic, light, or even heavy. No experience is wrong! 

Ever notice how people cry during hip openers in yoga? Have you ever cried after orgasm? Maybe did a sensual dance class and then bawled your eyes out or had the biggest strut while walking out of class? That’s called sacral energetic healing!

It also might feel very strange or scary at first, but it gets easier and more embodied as you work with it, I promise! Focus less on doing it right or looking a certain way and just allow your hips to move.

Be gentle with yourself, and it’s best to work with a trauma-informed facilitator if you’re moving through a lot of trauma, such as my BODY ART membership or Morning Juice subscription. 

Be one of the lusty people

In the end, I hope you have the courage to be one of the lusty people, and I leave you with my poem from a memoir I’m working on to inspire you on your sacral healing journey.

Some days,

The lack of life force felt feels so deep,

That if you knocked on my bones

I would sound like a watermelon.

Hollow.

Yet anything but juicy. 

So on the days when grief is at bay 

And my sexuality licks at my feet,

Beckoning, reminding me.

I walk naked into my ocean. 

I let her wash over me.

Take me. 

Wave

After 

Wave 

On these days,

I dance.

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