It was yet another trendy buzzword bandwagon that I wasn’t keen to jump on — I blame it on being an Enneagram 4.

But one day, it hit me like a freight train, and I thought “Oooooooh…. THIS is what people mean when they talk about reparenting! I get it!”

My big ah-ha! moment is what I’m going to share with you now –  what reparenting is, why you might want to explore it in the first place, and a couple of tangible practices to get you started!

Okay so — what is reparenting, anyway?

The short answer is that reparenting is providing yourself with the emotional support that you lacked as a child from your caregivers.

For the long and juicy answer, we have to start at the source: parenting styles.

A movement that’s growing in recent years is conscious parenting. This parenting style focuses on teaching children how to learn and grow as individuals rather than obeying adults, following rules, and behaving. 

Parenting has shifted to teaching children how to identify, feel, and regulate emotions instead of invalidating them.

Disclaimer: I’m not a parent, but these are my observations of the parenting world.

As a society, we are finally discussing mental health openly. We now recognize that unhealed trauma can cause harmful behavioral patterns, which can unconsciously be passed down from parents to children through multiple generations *generational trauma has entered the chat.*

Unfortunately, emotional intelligence and conscious parenting styles weren’t mainstream in the ’80s and ’90s, so millennials didn’t typically experience this type of parenting from our caregivers *womp womp*

I don’t know about you, but my emotional experience was frequently invalidated — as a sensitive person I was often labeled “too much” or “dramatic.”

I learned that my emotions made people uncomfortable and that they were problems that needed to be solved. As a result, I didn’t learn how to effectively validate or regulate my emotional experiences.

This became a breeding ground for low-self esteem, negative self-talk, and severe nervous system dysregulation. 

The relationships you form with your caregivers and interactions with them deeply influence how you develop. Maybe you had an over-critical parent that harshly ridiculed you when you got a C in math class, made unhelpful observations about your appearance or weight, or was emotionally cold towards you when you were upset and needed comforting.

Humans are observational learners. The behaviors we see others engage in are often the ones we adopt for ourselves.

If your caregivers were critical of you, that likely became how you talk to yourself.

If your caregivers didn’t model how to soothe and support you, you didn’t learn how to soothe and support yourself.

Reparenting is the process of teaching yourself that as an adult. It’s giving yourself everything you needed as a child but didn’t get.

How to reparent yourself

Step 1. Identify what you need  

You might not know your needs if you’re not used to comforting yourself. Meeting your needs is a muscle you build over time, so if it feels confusing right now, that’s okay. Here are some ideas for how to gain insight:

Look to the past 

Think back to a specific moment in childhood when you felt you weren’t adequately supported; what did you need instead?

Maybe your mom forgot about your dance recital and never said sorry, you got accused of lying about breaking a vase when you didn’t, or you fought with your sibling, and your parents took their side instead of yours.

What would you do if you could go back in time and play the role of your caregiver(s) in that specific moment?

How would you talk to yourself? What did you need to hear? How would you have wanted them to respond to make you feel better?  

Look in the present 

You can also think about situations that have happened recently. Maybe you got passed over for a promotion at work, a long-term client in your business decided not to resign, or you fought with your partner about dishes (again).

If you were venting to your best friend, how would you want them to show up for you? What would you wish they would say? 

You can also flip it — If any of those things happened to your best friend and they were venting to you, what would you tell them? 

Thinking about how you would like others to show up for you, or how you would naturally show up for others in a similar position, can bring a lot of ideas of how you can show up for yourself.

Knowing your love language and how you prefer to give and receive love can also show you how to meet your emotional needs.

2. Bring awareness to your self-talk

How do you respond when you have big feelings? What are your thoughts and feelings about the emotional experience you’re having?

Do you allow your emotions, or do you tell yourself that you shouldn’t have them? 

When you make a mistake, do you kick yourself, think about how stupid you were, and overthink what you’d change if you could go back in time?

These are perfect opportunities to practice reparenting. Instead of playing the role of the overly critical parent, decide how YOU want to talk to yourself at that moment.

What would feel good? What would feel like you’re being wrapped up in a warm hug?

For me, a thought I like to practice is “It’s okay that you feel this way,” or even “Of course you feel this way; this is a sucky situation.” Before I go into problem-solving mode or resolution, I make sure my inner child knows she’s safe. She’s not only allowed to have big emotions but they’re welcomed.

Decide intentionally (and in advance) how you want to support yourself through tough or big emotions and what you can do to build trust with yourself.

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Reparenting can feel awkward and clunky at first, just like any new skill. Be patient and stick with it! Over time, you will be able to easily calm your own nervous system, speak kindly to yourself, and build self-trust. When you have your own back (no matter what) and can depend on yourself to carry you through the hard stuff, life feels more manageable. 

To eliminate overwhelm, people swear by productivity hacks, prioritization strategies, and making big tasks bite-sized. Don’t get me wrong, these can all be helpful – but they will treat the symptom of overwhelm, not the root cause. Let’s talk about a few other ways you can manage your overwhelm so you’re rocking your life and it’s not rocking you.

1. First thing first: welcome your overwhelm

I know this sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out! Usually, when we feel overwhelmed we see it as a problem. And as humans, when we experience a problem, the first thing we do is rush to fix it. Or worse, we blame ourselves for having the problem in the first place.

What if just for a moment, your overwhelm wasn’t a problem? What if it’s just something you’re experiencing because it’s a thing that happens when you’re a human on this earth?

Nothing has gone wrong. Take a big, slow, deep breath in through your nose, and exhale out of your mouth like you’re trying to fog up a mirror. I’m serious – pause and do it!

How can you feel your overwhelm and just be with it without trying to fix it or eliminate it? What message is the overwhelm trying to tell you?

2. How often are you saying yes when you mean no?

There are times when we say yes to things we don’t want to do because we like our reasons for doing so. For example, you might say yes to your best friend’s bar crawl bachelorette party because you want to support her even though bars and drinking aren’t really your vibe. 

Saying yes when you want to say no gets tricky when the reason you’re doing it is because you feel like you “have to” to avoid disappointing or upsetting other people. That creates a big energy leak in your life and creates a fast track to resentment and burn out.

Time is the most precious and valuable resource that you have. If you viewed your time and energy like gold, would you still hand it out so freely? 

3. Intentionally fill your plate

Is your metaphorical life plate full of nourishing foods you love to eat, but you’ve realized there’s simply too much of it and there’s no way you can eat it all? Or is it full of foods you don’t like that you’re forcing yourself to choke down?

When you’re overwhelmed because too many great things are happening, that is different than being overwhelmed because you don’t like the majority of things you spend your time on.

Do you like the way your life is set up? If you look at an average day, do you like it? Would you want to live that day for the rest of your life? If not, it might be time to re-assess how you spend your time and if that honors what’s important to you.

4. Change your perspective about your to-do list

The funny thing about to-do lists is that they never truly end. It’s like a CVS receipt, that baby goes on for miles.

If you base your success on whether or not you complete the items on your to-do list or how close you are to the end of it, you will be chronically overwhelmed. The end of a to-do list is a moving target.

What if the goal shifts from getting things done to enjoying what you’re doing?

This can be done by creating more space in your day for rest or joy and/or making the blah, routine parts of life more fun. Have to clean the house? Listen to your favorite music or podcast. Need to workout? Go for a walk in the sun. Need to pay bills? Eat your favorite snack while doing it.

While not everything will always be fun, there are ways where you can infuse more of it into the things you’re already doing.

5. Speaking of rest…

Rest has become a buzzword in the personal development world with everyone and their cat preaching how vital rest is. I don’t disagree.

But what I see happen with rest is that people “rest” with the purpose of being rejuvenated so they can be more productive. It makes rest a means to an end instead of what it actually is – something you experience for the sake of experiencing it.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, but you don’t have to fill your cup just so you can empty it again. You can fill it up just because you want it to be full.

A note on resting when you’re overwhelmed or not used to rest – it can be really difficult to let yourself relax. As odd as it sounds, resting is a skill. So if it feels bad at first and you’re preoccupied with everything you need to get done, that’s okay. You’re not doing it wrong. Your brain may naturally wander, but stay committed and bring yourself back to the present moment.

6. Phone a friend

As a feminine-essenced being, you are a natural receiver. When you don’t ask for help because you feel like you “should” be able to handle it all or it makes you a burden to others, your inner feminine doesn’t feel nourished because she loves to receive with gratitude. Don’t shun that part of yourself because you don’t feel worthy of support.

If you were honest with yourself, what would feel incredible to delegate to another person? What would feel like a huge sigh of relief if you didn’t have to do it anymore? Think about who might be able to help you with that and go have a conversation with them! We can’t make it through life without support systems. Don’t be afraid to lean on yours.

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Everyone feels overwhelmed by their to-do lists sometimes, and productivity and time management hacks can be really helpful. But if what you’re doing isn’t cutting it, it’s time to reflect on what your overwhelm is telling you about how you show up in your life and what (and who) you make yourself available for.

You are required to slow the pace and quiet your mind in order to hear and feel the message. This is why people in Blue Zones live longer. They live a slow life filled with spirituality, family, community and hospitality. They have found the secret to purposeful living which, consequently, offers a longer lifespan than the rest of the world. Staying plugged into The Divine and following the promptings reap more benefits than you know. 

Everyone has the capacity for an aligned life. Humans were created to always be connected. We all forgot how. There are a few concrete means to tap into your inner voice:

1. Slow the pace and practice mindfulness

Adopting a spiritual practice, especially at the start of each day, will set you up for connecting with your higher power. This can include meditation, journaling, prayer, affirmations, and connecting with nature. This does not have to be forced or formal. Merely acknowledge Spirit and ask to stay plugged in all day, for direction, etc.

Maintain a slower pace throughout the day. Don’t jump into conversations. Ask yourself what your body needs to fuel it this day. Make decisions based upon how your body feels when you ask it questions. When you have physical sensations, question them.

2. Engage in extreme self-care. 

Extreme self-care means more than an hour at the gym or getting your nails done. Yes, these are important. A massage is always welcome. You need to know what you need in all circumstances which comes from #1. This is the action you take. It means engaging with people who bring value to your life. Do you need a spiritual guide or therapist? Take time to walk the beach alone. Read a good book. Engage in uplifting conversations with friends, etc. 

3. Make your yes mean yes and your no mean no.

Declining invitations, especially from family, can ruffle feathers. Only do what is absolutely unavoidable in cases where you are in the company of toxic or unhealthy people. Try new groups or meetups that have activities that fill you up. Say yes to that invitation to dinner. Say no to a weekend with friends who constantly gossip. 

Doing the above few things will evoke a sense of self-trust. Your body and your emotions will rely on you to take care of them. In turn, you will begin to trust your body and the physical sensations you will receive in order to make intuition-based decisions for your life.  You will hear the whispers of God within and act upon it.

In today’s climate, people often forget to slow down. They put everyone else before themselves. Jumping off the perpetual treadmill will offer a peaceful, longer, healthier life. Slowing down, quieting our minds, and really listening will unlock your intuitive powers. Love yourself enough to tap in. God is waiting to tell you how amazing you are. Spirit is ready to whisper directions to a life you cannot imagine. This is the life for which you were created where you live your dreams and share them with the people you love. Living intuitively is crazy like that.

What is a screen time goal?

I’m defining a “screen time” goal as a goal that you set around reducing your time spent on your computer or phone. I’m not defining this as time on your computer or phone for work, but more for when you’re using it for mindless scrolling or when you’re on it more than you’d like. Creating phone and technology boundaries can help you to make the time you’re on screens more intentional.

Why should you set a screen time goal?

Having a concrete goal around something can help you to make what you desire to happen a reality. When you have a set plan, it’s so much easier to achieve your desired outcome. If screen time is causing you to be distracted at work or in your life and it’s keeping you from spending your time doing what you love, it might be a good time to set some productive goals around limiting your screen time!

10 Screen Time Goals To Set

1. Take One Day A Week Off Socials

Or maybe start with your most-used social app, like TikTok or Instagram. Call it “Screen Free Saturday” or “Sacred Sunday.”

2. Improve your screen time each week

Do you have it set up on your phone to give you screen time alerts?

Make a goal to continue to decrease your screen time each week. It doesn’t have to be by a lot, but imagine how much more focused you would be at the end of the year if you decreased your screen time every single week.

3. Challenge yourself to only 3 hours of phone time per day

Or whatever feels like a good amount for you to feel your best.

I know that for me, social media is part of my job, so doing much less than three isn’t realistic. Find the magic number that feels healthy to you, and make it a goal to stick to that every day! You could even make a habit tracker to keep you accountable.

4. Put away your phone for social events

Make it a goal that for social situations, you keep your phone in your purse or tucked away somewhere. You can snap a pic or two and then put it away for the rest of the time. It’s never enjoyable to be around a group of people who are all just on their phones the whole time!

If you throw a party, you could even have a little basket for everyone to put their phones, so that everyone is social and distraction-free for the night!

5. Exchange your screen time for something better

Feel like you have no time to learn a new skill you’ve been wanting to try, like learning an instrument or a language? Or maybe you’ve been trying to read more.

Trade out the time you usually tend to scroll for that new activity! It’s always a little uncomfortable when you trade an old habit for a new one. It helps to remind yourself about how being on your phone too much makes you feel – and opt for a different approach that will be better for your mental health. Take note on how you feel after you exchange your screen time for something else!

6. Go without your phone for the last hour before bed

You can smash out two goals in one with this one, because if you lessen your screen time before bed, you’re likely to get a more restful night of sleep. Set your phone in the charger, make sure your morning alarm is on, and don’t look back!

I always recommend reading before bed, especially fiction books. It always leaves me feeling sleepy, without the blue light from your screen that hinders your sleep.

See this list of 21 evening wind-down routine ideas that don’t include screen time!

7. Keep your bedroom as a phone-free zone

In fact, I love to have my bedroom screen-free altogether. I broke this rule for a while, but I noticed that I’m better off keeping my bedroom free from the television and phone. I have better sleep because my brain associates my bedroom with sleep!

8. Go off the grid

Make a goal to go on a camping trip or some kind of phone-free adventure where you’ll forget to check in or maybe don’t even have cell service, so you can just enjoy your time with your people, distraction-free.

We could all use vacations where we really decompress and feel like we’re MIA from the world.

9. Go on a social media hiatus

Can’t go completely off the grid? Do a social media break instead. One of our contributors talked about their experience with a month-long social media hiatus here.

10. Watch one episode a night, instead of multiple

If you want to start watching less television, start reducing the hours you watch instead of eliminating it altogether. I love watching TV and don’t want to give it up, but I also love having goals around exchanging that time with doing more activities that I want to prioritize, like reading.

She’s in her early forties and has been practicing since her teen years, and I sit there on my yoga block at the start of class and soak in all the juicy goodness that comes out before we head into our flow for the evening.

If you’ve been following me for a while now, you probably know how I feel about hustle culture. I’m not a fan of hustling and willpowering our way through to get the results we want. But at the same time, I recognize that a lot of the results we want in life require focus and discipline.

Then she said a Sanskrit phrase for the in-between of effort and ease:

sthira-sukham asanam

“That’s it,” I thought.

That’s the feeling I’ve been trying to figure out how to put into words. There’s no perfect word for this in the English language.

It’s that feeling of pushing yourself enough to feel a challenge, while still feeling some ease, like it’s the thing you’re meant to be doing.

It’s what I want from my life. I don’t want everything to feel easy. Because it’s not fulfilling. It’s a powerful practice: working on something, seeing the progress, and knowing it’s because you’ve put in effort to improve.

This is a silly analogy but stick with me here:

I have to walk in the pouring rain to get to my yoga practice, even when I don’t feel like it. I don’t have a car, and my studio is a 25 min walk. It’s not ease, it also requires effort. It feels good to make that effort.

But what if I was walking in the rain with a rock in my shoe and refused to remove it?

It sounds silly, because who wouldn’t remove the rock…?

A lot of us think that we win brownie points for getting through the pain of something in our lives, when we can make it easier on ourselves by removing the thing causing us suffering.

You don’t earn points for struggling for the sake of it.

There’s a difference between a worthwhile pursuit and putting yourself through struggle, when it doesn’t have to be like that. A lot of us were taught that all good things have to be hard work. But I’ve learned that it’s not true.

Not all good things in life need to be earned with struggle.

But I think the truth lies within sthira-sukham asanam. Putting in effort makes something more worthwhile when it’s something that adds meaning and value to our life. When it feels inwardly like it’s meant to be.

It’s also why we’re scared to go after our dreams, because it’s the most worthwhile pursuit, and it requires us to give our full effort.

And we’re so scared that if we give something our full effort, what if it fails?

But sthira-sukham asanam to me means that the most meaningful things in our lives will be a a blend of effort and ease.

It won’t feel like an uphill battle. It’s the right amount of giving our best, feeling rewarded, and feeling like we’re moving in our lives with purpose and meaning.

A lot of us know that feeling. We can’t explain it but something is calling us to this thing – whether it’s as simple as a yoga practice or a career change or a person we’re drawn to.

And it feels good to give effort to that thing, because it almost feels magnetic, like it loves us back. It’s not ease-filled, but it’s worth the energy we’re giving it.

If only we could all put effort into what loves us back – and leave the rest behind us.

My summer theme was “vibrant girl summer” a spinoff from the “hot girl summer” phenomenon.

For me, this meant that I was feeling alive that summer – doing lots of fun and new things, and living on purpose.

I decided to go all in. I created a playlist, decided to only read books that felt like they fit the “vibrant girl summer” energy, watched upbeat shows, painted my nails vibrant colors, and created a fun bucket list.

While I didn’t check off every single thing, the summer was exactly what I wanted it to be, and I feel like that’s because I went in with the theme. I cultivated the vibe I wanted to experience, if you will.

As fall is now approaching, I’m thinking about my next theme.

I’m not quite ready to go full cozy mode; I still want lots of adventures. So, I’ve had to think about what I want that to look and feel like.

My life theme for Autumn

I’m going with “feel good fall” as a way to explore different things like what makeup style makes me feel good, playing with my wardrobe, and watching shows and movies that leave me feeling good, etc.

I was initially going for a darker theme, which we talk about in an upcoming episode of Playground To Purpose, a podcast with my childhood bestie about adding more play into your everyday.

Ultimately, I decided I was craving a bit of an extension to summer. This is in total contrast to what my co-host Nina is doing (a super unique theme!), which is a fun thing we’ll keep you updated on as we explore these themes. I’ll keep hers a surprise, so you’ll have to tune in!

Life themes have helped me to add more intention to a period of time – and allow myself to figure out what I want it to feel like ahead of time.

As much as we can’t predict aspects of our lives, we can go in with a purpose, so that we’re not left with a “wow, that just flew by!” feeling. Instead, I’ve been more present and gotten a little out of my comfort zone.

How to select your seasonal theme

What kind of vibe do you want to experience? What do you want to add more of to your life?

I also like to think of the literal seasonal change. In summer, you’re likely going to be outdoors more, maybe you’ll be taking vacation time, and it may be a slower work season. In the winter, it may be more at-home time, celebrating holidays.

Factor that into your life theme choice.

Seasonal life theme examples

Nina (my co-host on Playground to Purpose) had a theme for the summer season which was “Nina’s Summer of Adventure and Magic.”

For her, this meant reading lots of fantasy magical-themed novels, going on lots of trips, attending a whimsical tea party, catching epic sunsets, late night exploring in Las Vegas, scavenger hunt in New Orleans, and enjoying spooky places.

Here are some other ideas:

• Soft Girl Autumn
• Cottagecore Aesthetic
• Baddie
• Cozy Fall Vibes
• Parisian Aesthetic
• Self Care
• Wanderlust
• Adventure
• Hygge
• Coastal Grandmother
• Preppy
• Bold
• Moody
• Memorable
• Ease and flow
• Aesthetic autumn
• Focused fall
• Moody and mysterious (my original theme for fall)
• Barbiecore
• Back to the basics
• Crafty & Creative

If you can’t tell, I love a little alliteration moment. There are really no rules for what your theme can be, and what you want it to look like during the season.

For soft girl autumn, you could focus on cooking meals slowly (like slow cooker meals), working on long-term projects, buying a disposable camera, and getting photos developed instead of instantly snapping them on your phone.

For a Parisian aesthetic, you could buy a few Parisian-inspired outfits for the season, watch French movies, make some pastries, create a playlist of French music, etc.

For “Back to the Basics,” you could simplify everything in your life. You could plan to clean out your closet, find some “staples” for your wardrobe, have more time offline, etc.

Things to do to plan for a new season’s theme

Decide what it looks like for your lifestyle

I use my theme to inspire my style, activities that I want to do, what I watch, listen to, and read. I only use the theme for what feels fun or interesting, but I use it as a guide for what I want the overall mood or vibe to be for the season.

Create a playlist

I love starting off with a playlist to represent the theme. You could find one on Spotify, or craft your own. Obviously, I’ll listen to other music during this time as well, but it’s fun to have one solely dedicated to the vibe.

Create a mood board

My vision board on Pinterest includes both what I want to do and experience, as well as how I want to feel. It’s a fun way to get more clarity on what you want to wear and what you want to experience. You could also create a color palette!

I like picking a theme that’s broad enough to keep you going for a three-month time period. That way, the theme continues to feel fun and like I can do a lot within it.

Create a themed bucket list

I love creating a list of the activities I want to do within my city. Plus, any travels I’m already planning on. It’s fun when you pair a trip with your theme as a guide for what activities you want to do. I find that I’ve been much more intentional about getting friends together with my bucket list. I crossed off 13 things from my last list!

You could also create some goals around your themes too if you want to make it feel more productive! In a way, my bucket list also doubles as the “fun goals” I want to make happen.

So what do you think? Will you start creating seasonal themes for your life? Have you already been doing this? Tell us what you’re going to plan for the next season!

Self-compassion is the act of extending warmth, love, and understanding to yourself during a time of adversity or challenge. 

It’s realizing our shared humanity, being mindful of what we’re thinking, and actively choosing to be kind and tender to ourselves.

When we practice the art of self-compassion, we also fuel the compassion we feel for others. Oftentimes, when we are overly judgmental and critical of someone else, it’s because we’re also extending criticism and shame onto ourselves. It always comes back to our own self-nurturing.

Dr. Kristin Neff, who is a leading researcher in the realm of self-compassion, categorizes it into three core elements: Self-Kindness, Presence, and Common Humanity.

So, how do we practice this in our daily life? And how do we truly embody it long enough to see it change our perspective?

Practice self-kindness

Being genuinely more kind to ourselves can be a challenge. We are wired to see the flaws, especially by society and some of its standards. Everywhere we turn, we see how we “should” look, “should” live, “should” be. With these heightened feelings of expectation from our external world, it is no surprise that we speak so harshly to ourselves in a world that makes us feel not enough. 

Self-kindness starts with the understanding that we are absolutely worthy of the support, acceptance, and warmth that we extend to others. Embracing a path toward self-kindness means to actively choose tenderness toward ourselves during times of challenge.

Beginning to notice your personal dialogue and your automatic responses to life situations, both internally and externally, can create massive shifts toward more self-compassion. 

Starting to dive deeper into your own inner world will strengthen this practice. Having a journaling routine that allows expansion can be helpful in order to have internal discoveries.

Or even using a card deck as a reminder can be enough to shift your perspective toward a more loving relationship with yourself. This card deck specifically prompts thinking points around the topic of self-compassion. 

When you notice yourself speaking harshly, notice the thought, release it, and send yourself love. Strengthening self-compassion is life-long work. It’s never meant to be about perfection.

Honor how you feel & what you need

Researcher and Author, Brene Brown talks a lot about the power of naming our emotions accurately in her book, Atlas of the Heart. Many of us are unaware of what we are specifically feeling. Sadness, grief, frustration, jealousy, envy, etc. Even through these emotions, we can still make space for extending compassion to ourselves.

When we accurately name our emotions by asking “what am I feeling”, we can move through them in ways that feel best for us. After we acknowledge those emotions and release any need to resist them, the next question to ask is: “what do I need?”

Asking the question: “what do I need?” creates a pivotal moment of presence for yourself.

Self-compassion also means honoring your own needs. When was the last time you asked yourself what you truly needed in any given moment? Maybe you need to eat a nourishing meal or drink some water. Maybe you need to listen to music that will leave you feeling upbeat or allow you to release a cry. Maybe you need to go for a walk and go offline. 

When situations arise and emotions are high, stop to ask yourself what it is that you’re actually feeling. Gift yourself space to feel your emotions and then ask yourself what you need.

Oftentimes, we work so fast, moving from one task to another, that we rarely ask ourselves this crucial question.

Share with someone you trust

The people we spend time with are a reflection of how we see ourselves. It’s important to surround yourself with people who uplift, guide, and support you. 

Along with naming our emotions and honoring what we need, we also must have people to connect and share with. When we bring awareness to our inner world by expressing it outward, this creates a huge shift in understanding ourselves & the world around us.

Whether it be a therapist, friend, coach, family member — there are always people who will embrace you with open arms. Sharing our stories and embracing that vulnerability will always feel rewarding when we share with the right people. It will allow you to feel seen, heard and understood.

This practice emphasizes the idea that we are all of common humanity, feeling similar emotions as those who surround us. This creates a powerful sense of community and fuels the understanding that we are truly never alone and we are all part of a similar human experience.

As you walk through your days or a challenging season, remember that you deserve love and kindness — no matter what. You are worthy of understanding and that the power of self-compassion can fundamentally change your life and expand you to new horizons. Keep walking that path. You deserve it.

At least, I’m trying to make it a thing for myself and if you want to join me, here’s what I’m doing to make summer the most intentional season of the year.

You know how it’s a common thing to create a word for the year? I think the same can be done on a seasonal level – and the vibe I’m going for this summer is vibrant.

The reason I’m choosing vibrant instead of “happy girl summer” like the other alternative I’ve seen going around is that I don’t think I need to be completely happy all summer.

Happiness is a temporary feeling, and I don’t feel like it’s realistic (nor good necessarily) to be happy all the time. Instead, I want to feel alive – and I’m open to the mix of emotions that it brings. What I want more than happiness is intentionality and a purpose-filled summer.

So, if you’re also interested in having a vibrant girl summer, let’s get into how to make this summer the most joyous, fun-filled season.

You know when someone says, “You are glowing”? We’re going for that look this summer. Lots of sunscreen, sun, and good times – a mix of productive work, fun vacations, and time spent offline. Let’s get into it.

Listen to the episode on Life Goals In Progress:

Steps for living a vibrant girl summer

1. Set your intentions

What’s the vibe you want to create this Summer? What’s currently missing in your life that you’d like to add more of into your summer?

Set the mood and intention for the kind of summer you want to have. If you’re in a bit of a funk, it’s a good time to debrief and create a summer intention for how you want to shake things up in this new season.

Here’s a list of intention ideas.

2. Think seasonally

For me, morning routines get so much easier in the summer as daylight hits here at 5am. So that is an opportunity to wake up earlier, and get an early morning walk in. Ask yourself, what am I craving for my routines?

Think about the fruits and veg that are in season this time of year. Look up recipes for fresh salads or create a cute picnic lunch for an afternoon at the park. Take advantage of the seasonal change.

2. Make a summer bucket list

This checklist is meant to be checked off! I created my warm weather, summer bucket list because we barely get sunny days here so I want to make the absolute most out of them.

Some of my summer bucket list includes:

• Go to a concert (already checked this one off with seeing Harry Styles in Scotland!)
• Go to a winery
• Head to the coast
• Do a fun water activity in Lake Tahoe
• Attend a pottery class
• Go for a bike ride

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3. Make a mood board on Pinterest

Are you a Pinterest board junkie? It’s time to make your summer boards if you haven’t already. Include the vibrant vibes you’re manifesting and how you want to feel this summer.

You can even take this up a notch and change out your backgrounds with this mood board you create.

5. Create a phone-free pledge

Snap quick pics for the grid (or for your personal mems) if you must, but otherwise leave the phone behind. Summer is for living it up, especially with our Vibrant Girl Summer and we want to be fully present for it.

Set app limits, and ditch the phone when you’re out socially. It’s okay if everything doesn’t get replied to right away. We’re in summer mode.

5. Create a summer playlist

Turn up those summer bops! Make a playlist.

Or, at least find a curated one. Whether you’re into vibey summer tunes, summer country music, or music for beach days, there’s something for you already made on Spotify.

You could even find a song that represents a special summer trip you’re going on. I saw this on a TikTok, where the girl was saying you should pick a song and then play that song as you’re close to landing at your destination, play it a few times on your trip, and play it when you leave. Then, it’ll become the anthem of your trip and every time you hear it, it’ll take you back and remind you of that special vacation!

6. Shoot your shot

Make the moves, go after the things you want. I’m all about attracting and manifesting the things I want in life. And some seasons, I’ll be more passive but I think Vibrant Girl Summer is all about initiating and going after what you want with confidence.

Wear the bikini, apply for the “out of your league” jobs, ask him out. Stop waiting for the perfect moment. You’re a 10 the way you are right now.

There’s no time to waste when you’re living that vibrant life. We’re here to feel all the feels, and live our fullest life. If you want something, make it known. You never know what can happen when you put yourself out there!

7. Create your own Summer Fridays

Have you heard of summer Fridays, where you get to start the weekend early on Fridays over the summertime season? Even if your work doesn’t honor that or your schedule is too packed, try to make a Summer Friday ritual you look forward to every week.

Whether that’s a little ice cream date (solo or with a partner) or going to the park after work, there’s something you can do as a new little ritual.

What’s your word for summer? Any additional tips you want to add for having a vibrant girl summer this year?

Why is it so hard to make it happen?

It’s self-sabotaging. We do it when we think we’re not worthy of good things, when fear, insecurity, or a lack of confidence tell us to expect little from and for ourselves. 

Self-sabotagers may choose many different paths – both overtly negative and toxically positive – but the bottom line is, they hurt themselves in the long term because of the choices they make in the short term. 

So, what does self-sabotaging look like? 

When many of us think about self-sabotage, we think about it in terms of self-restraint. We feel like we’re self-sabotaging when we can’t say no to a slice of cake. Self-sabotage can also look like saying yes, though. 

For example, demanding perfection and holding yourself to an unreasonable standard of behavior can be self-sabotaging. You won’t be able to achieve it – no one’s perfect at all times – and then when you don’t meet your unreasonable goals, you either feel like a failure because you didn’t make it, or you start feeling like nothing matters and like it’s not worth it to even try because you couldn’t be perfect. 

Other self-sabotaging behaviors can include: 

• Staying in a job because you’re afraid of change or that you won’t measure up in a new position
• Procrastinating because you’re not confident that you can complete a project to your standards
• Staying in a relationship because you are afraid to be alone
• Taking on too much because you want to make others happy 
• Neglecting self-care because you’re focused on caring for others 

Exhaustion can contribute to self-sabotage, but interestingly, people are often likely to self-sabotage at the peak of their circadian rhythm when they’re considered to be most alert and self-aware. This pattern indicates that self-sabotage can be intentional and derived from conscious thought rather than unconscious action alone. 

How to Mindfully Shift from Self-Sabotage

The first step toward stopping self-sabotage is identifying triggers – both physiological and mental. 

Listen to your body

Let’s say that you’re trying to change your eating habits. When you go without food, you may notice your blood sugar starting to drop and your emotions starting to feel more frayed. What happens then if you have a negative encounter with your partner, child or coworker? 

You might say something you didn’t intend to say, get upset, and then turn to food to help you soothe your emotions.

Even though you had the best of intentions, a lack of attention to your physiological well-being made it easy for self-sabotage to strike and for you to fall back into the behavior you wanted to change. 

Refocus your energy

Self-sabotage can also happen in relationships, where you fall into specific patterns with a specific person. If you’re driven by a fear of rejection, for example, you may say yes to a partner, a parent, or a manager who pushes you to do things you don’t want. This ends with emotional distress for you, which isn’t fair. 

Instead, stop putting all your energy toward others, so that you have nothing left for yourself. If that means a negative impact on a relationship, you may want to consider whether the relationship itself was a self-sabotaging mechanism, settling for someone who didn’t truly value you, or allowing a family member to call their emotional abuse and manipulation love. 

Reframe your self-talk

Your inner monologue can be your biggest cheerleader or your worst enemy. It’s up to you to shape it in a way that 

I tell my clients to use the Yin/Yang approach – each time you notice a negative thought, STOP (I use a loud clapping of my hands as a reminder) and imagine two positive thoughts.

Looking for moments of joy can help you create an emotional reserve that you need when you’re struggling with the potential for self-betrayal. If you go for a walk, for example, take a moment to be fully present – to capture the beauty around you and how strong your body felt. Then, next time you’re considering cutting out that part of your self-care routine, you have a moment of beauty and wellness to reflect upon and to motivate you. 

Get rid of that all-or-nothing attitude

No matter how lost you feel, you have the power to initiate change. 

You don’t have to work past all the issues in a toxic relationship today. You also don’t have to settle. 

If you’re still reeling from a bad breakup and you feel like sobbing every time you go to bed alone, that doesn’t mean you have to go back to that person or that you don’t deserve something better.

Just because you spent the day curled up in front of the TV or with a book instead of doing household chores, that doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life there. And that also doesn’t mean it was necessarily a bad thing to give yourself some unfocused time to unwind and relax. 

Above all, to stop self-sabotage, give yourself grace 

When someone in your life makes a mistake or a misstep, you don’t write them off. Instead, you dust them off and help them keep moving toward the person they want to be.

Do the same for yourself, realizing that you have a bright and fulfilling future ahead of you, one that becomes better and better as you make small, incremental steps toward becoming the person you want to be, loving and healing yourself.

The Enneagram is such an amazing resource for better understanding yourself and the people around you. It’s a personality test with 9 different types – and the system is actually kind of complex, so there’s a LOT you can dig into after finding out your type.

The reason it’s my favorite system is that it’s really good at digging into the root of our behaviors and the motivation behind why we do what we do.

Before diving into this guide, you’re going to want to take the Enneagram Test.

Some Enneagram coaches will recommend you don’t take a test at all, but I do think it’s a good starting point – even if you don’t always get the most accurate results.

You can take a test at Truity (with a paid in-depth assessment)* or take a free test at Eclectic Energies.

Use this guide to learn more about your personality type after taking the Enneagram test

1. Start with the Enneagram Institute summaries

After you receive your results, it’s important to then look through the different descriptions of each type to assess whether or not it feels accurate.

I like to do this on the Enneagram Institute website. I think it has the most robust descriptions of the types.

It’s very common to type incorrectly at first, so look through the different types and see what actually resonates with you.

This is a great starter resource to learn about your type in-depth, for free.

2. Read The Road Back To You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile

A classic Enneagram starter book is The Road Back To You: An Enneagram Journey To Self-Discovery.

This book is very beginner-friendly and breaks down the types in a really easy-to-consume way. Some of the Enneagram books can bit heady and I like how this one keeps it simple.

This book is definitely in the Christian category though, so I recommend this next one if you’re not okay with that.

If you want to dig into relationships, I recommend Suzanne Stabile’s next book on the topic: “The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships“

3. Read The Wisdom Of The Enneagram by Don Richard Riso

This is probably the most cohesive Enneagram book I’ve ever read – and I’ve read at least 7 of them.

I love it because it actually gives you a robust look at each of the types. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this to kick off your Enneagram learning at the VERY beginning, but if you’re already familiar with all the types, this book is the next place to dig in.

4. Follow Enneagram Social Media Accounts

There are a lot of accounts that share conflicting information (or just aren’t super well-versed in it) but there are some really great ones! I highly recommend following a few accounts as you begin to learn more.

My favorite for more practical tips is Nine Types Co. We interviewed her on Playground To Purpose (!!) and her knowledge of the Enneagram is next-level.

For more playful memes, I love @actualenneagram and @rudeassenneagram.

5. Take a paid assessment

After you’ve gotten into the Enneagram for a bit, you might find yourself questioning your type.

I recommend taking a paid assessment at some point (even if you take a free one first) to find your 3 top types.

I was able to get my work to pay for it because it helped the team to understand each other better. So, if you don’t want to pay for the test, it could be a great option for you to ask your boss. Or if you are the boss, do this with your team. It’s such a helpful tool for teams to better understand each other.

I recommend Truity Work Assessments for teams.

6. Find Your Ideal Career with this Enneagram Career Guide

If you’re looking for a career change, this Enneagram Career Guide is a cohesive guide to finding a career that aligns with your motivations. It can be hard to figure out what career path is a good fit for you, so why not use this personality system as a way to get clarity as you seek out your purpose?

Get the Career Guide for 10% off with the code COLEY at checkout.

7. Take The Enneagram IRL Course

Okay, if you’re SUPER into the Enneagram and have already done the above steps, this course is my favorite next-level resource from Nine Types Co, which I mentioned above.

This is the course I’m currently enrolled in from Steph Barron Hall. She’s an enneagram coach and author of The Enneagram In Love (free on Kindle Unlimited!), and she has extensive knowledge of the Enneagram.

The Enneagram IRL course is packed with everything you need to understand your type & others’ types – and how to grow and become the best version of yourself within it. Get on the Enneagram IRL waitlist here.

Comment below on what type you are!

(*We’re Amazon, Truity and Enneagram Career Guide affiliates. We only recommend stuff we love over here! If you decide to purchase from these links, we’ll receive a small commission!)