Hiiii, welcome! I used to be the president of the “I’ll be happy once X happens” club!!

In this article, we’re going to cover how to stop putting off your happiness until you cross the next finish line, so you can start living (& enjoying) your life now instead of later. 

Sound like a plan?

Being achievement-oriented has gotten a bad rap in the personal development world over the last couple of years.

As we start critically examining the patriarchy and how it’s shaped our everyday lives, working, doing, and hustling are demonized.

Our culture tends to look at things through an all-or-nothing lens. So while there’s been a more significant focus on slowness, mindful living, and being (instead of doing), it’s also made people think that hustling or achieving is no bueno.

That’s not exactly true.

The point isn’t that you should give up your dreams, never set a goal again, and commit to being a couch potato, because GOD FORBID you work hard on something.

It’s about untangling achievements with your identity and sense of self. Because for a lot of us, achievement became less about what we do and more about who we are.

What you accomplish isn’t meant to define you. 

What it IS supposed to do, is give you healthy goals to strive for because you like them, it’s an enjoyable way to spend your time, and achieving them is an added bonus.

If you feel exhausted by your goals and what it takes to achieve them, it’s time to examine your relationship with achievement.

Things to consider:

1. Why do you want what you want?

I’ll give you a hint — the only reason we do or don’t do anything comes back to emotions.

For example, if you want to hit 10k followers on Instagram, have 100k in your bank account, or quit your full-time job, your desire has little to do with achieving those things, and everything to do with how you think achieving those things will make you feel.

So the better question is, how do you want to feel? 

Another consideration: what do you feel currently that you no longer want to feel?

If you crave safety and security by having 100k in your savings account, you most likely feel the opposite way now — maybe looking at your finances makes you feel unsafe, unsupported, or ungrounded.

An enlightening starting place is to identify how you feel, what you hope the next box checked will help you feel instead, and what you think prevents you from feeling that way now.

Another thing to get honest about: do you want this for you? Or because you want to manipulate how others see you?

Many people have a subconscious belief that achievement is what gains respect, love, admiration, and belonging (and that we aren’t good enough as-is).

We become invested in having what we want so that others will perceive us in a certain way.

Our egos love that, because it thinks we’re creating a buffer around rejection and disappointment — in reality, it’s not true.

Think about your goals and the things you want to achieve. Let’s say you are guaranteed to get what you want, but there’s a catch – you’d never be able to tell anyone about it. Not a soul. Ever.

Would you still want it? Would it still be important to you if it was all grind and no glory?

2. Circumstances won’t change how you feel

Is it easier to be happy when you have the house of your dreams, a doting and loving partner, money in the bank, and a snatched body?

Do those circumstances naturally produce better feelings than living in a cramped apartment with a roommate you hate because they never put their dishes away, going on your 7th failed hinge date this month, an empty bank account, and unwanted chin hairs? 

Maybe.

But what’s also true is that your brain has consistent beliefs about the world.

If your subconscious belief is “the next [goal I hit] will FINALLY make me feel [the emotion I want],” you will carry that with you everywhere. 

If you change your circumstances without changing your beliefs, your feelings won’t change either.

They might temporarily, but when the high of getting what you want wears off, it’s back to “well.. what’s next?”

It’s why people who thought getting rich and famous was the key to everything get what they want and still feel lonely.

It’s why women can lose 40 pounds and have their dream body, but still don’t feel good enough.

The only way to have the feelings you want later is to create them now (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules!).

What’s ONE thing you can do today to create your desired feeling? If you want to feel safe with money, what’s an action you can start and complete today to make that happen?

Is it transferring $5 to savings? Is it opening a high-yield savings account? Is it keeping $100 in cash in your wallet?

Maybe it’s not about money, and you want to feel safe by snuggling up on the couch with your favorite blanket and watching your favorite show for the 100th time.

The feeling of safety is the same no matter how you trigger it, so whatever makes you feel safe, do it! 

And at the risk of you wanting to slap me through the screen, my best advice is…

3. Fall in love with the process

I KNOW it’s cliche, but it’s a cliche for a reason. 

(Warning: tough love reality check incoming)

If you keep happiness locked away in the next box you check, you will spend 95% of your time hating where you are and 5% riding the high of whatever achievement you hit.

And that’s how you’ll spend your life until one day you wake up and realize you spent all of your life waiting to live instead of actually living.

Yikes, right?

I spent 25 of my years living that way. I’m so thankful I’ve changed my perspective, but I also kick myself for letting my ego call the shots for that long.

Today is all we have. So get out there and do something with your time that makes you feel alive.

You don’t have to stop dreaming, and you don’t have to stop achieving. But stop making that all you do.

Make the process as fun as the goal, so that when you finish, it’s just the cherry on top. Because you know that you lived, learned, and had a ton of fun along the way. Because that’s what it’s all about, anyway!

That doesn’t mean the journey is always easy — toxic positivity is never the goal.

It only means you stay present and commit to making the process as good (and hopefully better!) than the outcome.

The problem is that you are using goal-setting techniques that aren’t effective for you and then blame yourself when they fail.

It’s like trying to cut wood with a rusty, dull axe and then blaming your skills when it doesn’t work. In this blog post, I will teach you why your metaphorical goal-setting axe isn’t working, and I’ll share my all-time favorite (albeit a little unconventional) goal-setting technique!

Here are the reasons what you’re doing is missing the mark:

Reason #1: Arbitrary timelines

People often unconsciously use goals as a means to control and predict outcomes. Translation: you’re using goals as a way to cope with the uncertainty of life and to pressure certain things to happen within arbitrary timelines.

If you’re striving to lose 20 pounds in six months, does it really matter if it takes eight? Or 12? Or is the timeline a way to manage feeling uncomfortable when you look in the mirror?

Do you really need to be a millionaire by thirty-five, or is it a way for you to feel safe with money because you don’t right now? 

When goals are set this way, they become more of an escape plan than a helpful guidepost.

What would it look like if you completely let go of a timeline? I know, goals without timelines might seem taboo.

Traditional goal-setting advice recommends using SMART goals, which are specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time-bound. There’s nothing wrong with that approach and some people love them, but if you’re reading this article, I’m guessing that method hasn’t worked for you.

Getting too specific, too measurable, and too time-oriented can create rigidity. This causes you to feel suffocated by your goal instead of inspired by it, leading to disappointment if you don’t meet it perfectly.

Reason #2: Types of goals you’re setting

You can set two types of goals: process goals and outcome goals. A process goal is deciding to go to the gym three days per week. An outcome goal is setting a specific number of pounds you want to lose or an amount of weight you want to squat.

A money-related process goal is to put money in your savings account every time you get paid. An outcome goal would be to have an extra $5,000 in your bank account by the end of the year.

Theoretically, if you hit your process goal, you will likely achieve your outcome goal. So if you focus on outcome goals but neglect process goals, you fixate on what you want rather than what it takes to get there.

Reason #3: Assuming what is necessary

Let’s say you want to quit your job and go full-time in your online business. You might have a list of things or actions you need to take to make that dream a reality. Let’s say you need to create a website, post regularly on social media, advertise, get more clients, save a certain amount of money, etc.

How many things on that list will move the needle forward? What is genuinely necessary vs. what you think is necessary based on your perceptions or what others tell you?

If you enjoy the process, you are 83.6% more likely to reach your goals if you enjoy what you’re doing (yes, I made that statistic up). But think about it – do you want to hit a goal by muscling through things you wish you didn’t have to do or by doing what you enjoy? What do you think is going to be easier to stick with and will be more likely to produce the results you want? 

If you brain dump a list of what you think is necessary to achieve your goals, look down, and think, “YEAH, NO, I don’t feel like doing that,” get creative! What else could you do to achieve your goal that doesn’t include those things? Ask yourself what would be FUN!

There’s more than one way to get to 9. You can add 8+1, subtract 11-2, and multiply 3*3; few of many options. Where are you telling yourself the only way to get to 9 is 6+3? Find your flavor of how you want to get there.

Note: If no ideas you come up with sound fun, re-assess the goal. For example, if you want to run a marathon but every physical conditioning exercise you think of sounds awful, running a marathon might not be the best goal for you. If you are going to hate every moment of the process for a few brief moments of accomplishment, what’s the point?

My favorite (unconventional) goal-setting technique

As someone who often set goals I didn’t achieve, I knew I had to devise a better way. This approach releases timelines, creates opportunities for fun and flexibility, and focuses on outcomes through processes.

Step 1. Decide what area(s) of your life you want to set goals in.

Many of my clients’ goals boil down to improving relationships, finances, health, careers, or overall happiness. If you struggle with consistency and maintaining your habits, I’d recommend starting with just one goal and then working from there.

What area of your life would you most like to improve? What feels the most important to address first?

Step 2. Choose your goal

This approach differs from SMART goals because your goal can be vague. In fact, it should be! Let’s take health, for example. Your goal could be “improve health.” It could be “improve body image,” or “get stronger,” or “clear up my skin.” Whatever feels good for you!

Step 3. Formulate your goals into a question

Whatever you have identified in step 2, plug it into the question, “what’s something fun I could do today to support _________?”

• What’s something fun I could do today to support my health?
• What’s something fun I could do today to support my body image?
• What’s something fun I could do today to support my strength?
• What’s something fun I could do today to support my skin?

Whatever your question is, answer it! Brain dump everything you could do that would feel fun and would support your goal. If it feels fun but doesn’t support the goal, it’s out. If it supports the goal but doesn’t feel fun, it’s definitely out. Now, you have a list to work from.

Ask yourself this question daily, choose something off your list, and do it. It could be fun to do the same thing every day (or if you’re like me) you might get bored quickly and switch it up often. It doesn’t matter! As long as you’re supporting your goal and having fun.

That’s it :) Rinse and repeat!

Another option: ditch goals altogether

If this method doesn’t pique your interest or the information in this post didn’t spur any new ideas, consider taking a break from setting goals, period. *Gasp.* While goals help guide you in your pursuits, they are not the only way to be successful.

When we think of someone who doesn’t have goals, it’s usually with a negative connotation – *cue the image of someone unemployed, ripping bongs, and eating Oreos on the couch all day.* But the belief that you need goals to be successful is just that – a belief. Which means you can choose a new belief. Goal setting is a tool that should be used to help you, but it’s not a code of conduct to live by. If it doesn’t feel helpful for you in this season, drop it all together (without guilt!).

Instead, focus on living. Breathing. Being. Spend time on things that you enjoy and make you happy. When you follow that energy, achieving your goals becomes a natural byproduct instead of something you are pushing and forcing.

–

Happy goal setting!

What is a screen time goal?

I’m defining a “screen time” goal as a goal that you set around reducing your time spent on your computer or phone. I’m not defining this as time on your computer or phone for work, but more for when you’re using it for mindless scrolling or when you’re on it more than you’d like. Creating phone and technology boundaries can help you to make the time you’re on screens more intentional.

Why should you set a screen time goal?

Having a concrete goal around something can help you to make what you desire to happen a reality. When you have a set plan, it’s so much easier to achieve your desired outcome. If screen time is causing you to be distracted at work or in your life and it’s keeping you from spending your time doing what you love, it might be a good time to set some productive goals around limiting your screen time!

10 Screen Time Goals To Set

1. Take One Day A Week Off Socials

Or maybe start with your most-used social app, like TikTok or Instagram. Call it “Screen Free Saturday” or “Sacred Sunday.”

2. Improve your screen time each week

Do you have it set up on your phone to give you screen time alerts?

Make a goal to continue to decrease your screen time each week. It doesn’t have to be by a lot, but imagine how much more focused you would be at the end of the year if you decreased your screen time every single week.

3. Challenge yourself to only 3 hours of phone time per day

Or whatever feels like a good amount for you to feel your best.

I know that for me, social media is part of my job, so doing much less than three isn’t realistic. Find the magic number that feels healthy to you, and make it a goal to stick to that every day! You could even make a habit tracker to keep you accountable.

4. Put away your phone for social events

Make it a goal that for social situations, you keep your phone in your purse or tucked away somewhere. You can snap a pic or two and then put it away for the rest of the time. It’s never enjoyable to be around a group of people who are all just on their phones the whole time!

If you throw a party, you could even have a little basket for everyone to put their phones, so that everyone is social and distraction-free for the night!

5. Exchange your screen time for something better

Feel like you have no time to learn a new skill you’ve been wanting to try, like learning an instrument or a language? Or maybe you’ve been trying to read more.

Trade out the time you usually tend to scroll for that new activity! It’s always a little uncomfortable when you trade an old habit for a new one. It helps to remind yourself about how being on your phone too much makes you feel – and opt for a different approach that will be better for your mental health. Take note on how you feel after you exchange your screen time for something else!

6. Go without your phone for the last hour before bed

You can smash out two goals in one with this one, because if you lessen your screen time before bed, you’re likely to get a more restful night of sleep. Set your phone in the charger, make sure your morning alarm is on, and don’t look back!

I always recommend reading before bed, especially fiction books. It always leaves me feeling sleepy, without the blue light from your screen that hinders your sleep.

See this list of 21 evening wind-down routine ideas that don’t include screen time!

7. Keep your bedroom as a phone-free zone

In fact, I love to have my bedroom screen-free altogether. I broke this rule for a while, but I noticed that I’m better off keeping my bedroom free from the television and phone. I have better sleep because my brain associates my bedroom with sleep!

8. Go off the grid

Make a goal to go on a camping trip or some kind of phone-free adventure where you’ll forget to check in or maybe don’t even have cell service, so you can just enjoy your time with your people, distraction-free.

We could all use vacations where we really decompress and feel like we’re MIA from the world.

9. Go on a social media hiatus

Can’t go completely off the grid? Do a social media break instead. One of our contributors talked about their experience with a month-long social media hiatus here.

10. Watch one episode a night, instead of multiple

If you want to start watching less television, start reducing the hours you watch instead of eliminating it altogether. I love watching TV and don’t want to give it up, but I also love having goals around exchanging that time with doing more activities that I want to prioritize, like reading.

Whether you’re creating goals for the new year and starting 2023 with exciting ideas for what you want the year to look like, or you’re feeling like you need to make a change, come back to this list anytime for some reminders.

Here are 16 gentle reminders for setting goals:

1. It’s okay if your plans change

Keep the goals the same and be flexible with the plans. Or, if you realize that a goal isn’t working for you, change it. You get to set the rules. There are a lot of different ways to achieve one goal. Treat it like an experiment and find the way that works best for you to stay consistent.

2. Habits are easier & more important than goals

Instead of bigger goals, focus on the habits you’re doing every single day. It’s a lot simpler to look at your everyday habits than to focus on those long-term results you want to achieve. One step at a time.

3. Small actions still move you forward

Speaking of steps, every move you make toward your goals is a step in the right direction. Even if your capacity is lower in this season, make some small steps toward getting what you want.

4. It’s not a competition

Work at your own pace, and recognize that there’s no competition except maybe with yourself and working to live up to your own potential. And even with competing with yourself, recognize that you will have a different capacity at different points in your life (and even your menstrual cycle as a woman!)

5. You don’t have to wait for a new year to set goals

You can set goals at any time. You don’t need a new year, a new month, a new week or any excuse to decide that you want to set new goals for yourself.

6. You have dreams for a reason

I truly believe that when we feel this pull to do something, it’s for a reason. It means that you have the capacity to make it happen. Especially when you can’t stop thinking about it.

7. As Taylor Swift says, “You’re on your own kid.”

No one will ever care about your goals the way that you do. And that’s okay, but it’s a reminder that you can’t listen too much to what other people have to say. They’re not the ones who are living your life. They have their own fears they’re projecting onto you. If you want something, you’re the one who has to decide to keep going after it.

8. You can’t do life wrong

There’s no one way to live your life, and all of the “mistakes” you’ve made have hopefully taught you something. If you want to make a change in your life, you can do so at any point in time. You can’t do this wrong, so don’t beat yourself up if you feel “behind”, this is just the path your life is taking. Keep going.

9. You don’t have to do everything by yourself

Ask for help when you need to. Professional athletes at the top of their game still have coaches. People who seem to “do it all” often have help in making it happen. Recognize when you need to outsource, delegate or remove something in order to make time for these goals, so you can prioritize them. It’s not a weakness to ask for help.

10. Check in with your goals

After you set your goals, check in to make sure they’re still working for you. Don’t just set and forget your goals, but actually make a point to check in on them weekly – or at least monthly.

Not just to measure your progress, but also to make sure it still feels aligned with your values and what you want from life.

11. You get to define success

It’s hard to remember sometimes that success isn’t what our parents or society has told us and shown us. Feel like you’d rather be able to travel the world than make 6 figures at an office job? You get to define that.

12. Do your future self a favor and plan ahead

I swear it’s the little things when it comes to planning that makes all the difference when it comes to setting goals. When do you want them to happen? Where is it taking place? Book the class, make the simple moves that help make it as easy as possible.

13. Goals should be a fun challenge

Research says that there is a sweet spot for the goals you set – it should feel both challenging, while also realistic. If you start out setting goals with low confidence that you will achieve them, that will likely be your reality.

14. Surround yourself with people who inspire you

You’ve probably heard the phrase from Jim Rohn, “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” Hang out (both physically & on social media) with people who give you inspiration and motivation to go after your goals.

15. Measuring your goals is helpful until it’s not

Make sure your goals are aligned with your values, and you’re not setting goals with arbitrary numbers that don’t actually mean anything to you. What’s the reason for having a goal to reach 10,000 followers on Instagram? What does that actually mean? Make sure you’re checking in to see why you’re setting goals like this in the first place.

16. You are capable of making big things happen

Most important of all, here’s a reminder that you can make your goals happen. It’s a lot easier to have faith that you can make your goals happen when you have a lot of past proof or have had advantages in life. But regardless of any of that, you are just as capable as anyone else to make your dreams happen. Nothing is better than proving others (and yourself) wrong by going after your goals!

What reminders would you add to this list while you are setting goals?

This season in life brought up some very important questions that I’ve started committing myself to:  Who do I want to be showing up in 3, 6, 12 months from now? How do I want to feel? What does the future life of Mel look like? (lol “Life of Mel” – new Disney special).

I took these questions and started to break it down, simplify, and create action. I then asked myself the more tangible questions:

• What does it take to get there?
• Is it cutting out a negative aspect of your life?
• Is it educating myself?
• Prioritizing specific aspects of my life?
• Owning up to my actions?

I’ve been actively trying to reroute and rewire my habits for the greater good of my future self. This doesn’t mean not to enjoy – but it means to stay disciplined and weigh out my priorities for the sake of my dreams.

I got to a point a few weeks back where I was becoming disappointed in myself. Not in a poor me, pity party aspect (though there were EMOTIONAL moments). It was a wave of passion for the life I want to be living. The person I deserve to be showing up as.

So I took to my journal as I usually do when we’ve hit a moment of crisis :’) and wrote out all the ways I can start showing up for myself in a more positive way. I made a schedule for myself, created some broken down goals to keep my motivation along the way, and started implementing the day to day things that will create the future change.

Some of the things I’m prioritizing are…

• Not mindlessly scrolling – keeping intention with social media
• Honoring my sleep schedule – 7-8 hours of sleep a night and trying my best to get to bed / wake up around the same time to help my circadian rhythm
• Reading 10 pages a day. this may not seem like a crazy feat but let me tell you… Ya girl HATES reading. It’s something I know I should prioritize but never do. I started with literally 2 pages on the first day. the next, I got a little more into the book and went over 10. It just shows that if you show up and start, it will get easier.
• Reaching out to at least 1 person that I could either do work for or collaborate with in some way every week.
• Fresh air in the morning with a 10-15 minute walk. Again – it doesn’t seem like much but when I don’t have a moment to myself to start the day – watch out. She’s an anxious mess that literally hits the to-do list like the Tasmanian devil. (no that’s not an exaggeration and I’m laughing at the image I’ve drawn out there hahah)
• 5x 30min+ workouts a week! I’m not committing to anything crazy, but I am committing 30 minutes. I know how much better it makes me feel and in the long run, it’ll pay off to show up for 30 minutes a day.

Looking at the bigger goal can be daunting and anxiety-provoking (if I’m being honest) — but breaking the goals down to a tangible task that you can focus on each day has the ability to change your life. It may not seem like a huge feat getting through one day.. But 360 days?

You’re going to look and feel like a whole new person.

So I continue to remind myself when the lack of motivation hits – with consistency, momentum will come. There’s been good months, bad months, and emotional months, but no matter what – If I keep trying my best to show up as the person I strive to be in the future, we’re moving forward.

We grow up and tell our parents that we want to be astronauts or teachers, and when everything is a possibility, we try things on and figure out what resonates.

But as we get older, it all becomes so much more real. We recognize that we have to choose what to prioritize and focus on – and it can be hard to figure out what that should look like.

I’ve found that goals are the most rewarding when they’re in line with our values – and with who we want to become.

Why pursue goals or dreams when it has nothing to do with who you want to become in life?

I always think about the typical stereotype of the “family man” who works hard to provide for his family but is never home to actually BE with his family.

But equally important to figure out what we care about is recognizing that there’s a lot that we don’t care as much about that make for easier trades.

If I care about my career growth and that’s the legacy I want to create for myself, maybe I don’t care as much in this season about settling down with a family. Or maybe I care more about adventure than security or stability in this season of life.

It’s OK to want a different storyline for your life.

You’re the star of your movie, and you get to write the screenplay. Also, you’re allowed to have sequels to your movie where you evolve and your values change along with you.

1. Find your value words

What’s important to you? What motivates you?

Or, if that’s a complicated place to begin… maybe think about, what doesn’t? It’s pretty easy for me to look at a list of values and see what I don’t find important before figuring out what I do.

Choose 2-3 core values that you really resonate with – and that you feel you’d want to guide your decisions.

List of Values

Struggling to nail down your values?

You might look at this list and think to yourself, “I care about most of these things.”

And that’s true for all of us, but there are probably a few values that stick out as something you’re always talking about, noticing, or even getting upset about.

Notice how some people care about being on time, while others don’t care?

If you find yourself saying, “I wish people would just be more honest” or, “I wish I had the courage to wear that crop top.” Pay attention to what comes up often, and it’ll probably give you an indication of what values you hold.

2. Take a personality test

If you’re struggling to figure out your values, consider taking a personality test to help you figure that out.

I love the Enneagram, because it’s a good way to see what motivates you – and what traits dominate your personality.

You can take a test at Truity.*

3. Write down your favorite character’s attributes

Figure out what movie or TV show characters you love or want to be like, and see if you can identify common traits that make you like them.

Do you resonate with Drew Barrymore’s characters? Or maybe you resonate with Samantha Jones on Sex and The City? Maybe you’re a Hermoine girl?

Drew Barrymore might tell you that you value authenticity, quirkiness, and humor.

Contrastly, Samantha Jones might show that you value freedom, independence, and empowerment.

Hermoine might show you that you care about intelligence, preparedness, and ambition.

Identify those traits for yourself that you personally resonate with.

4. Do a little audit

When you look at the different areas of your life, do you see these 2-3 values reflected?

For me, I’ve been recognizing that one of my values is simplicity. And yet, I try to overcomplicate a lot of what I do. So, it’s such a game-changer for me to be able to say – I value simplicity, so let me come back to that and simplify things.

Here are some areas of your life to look at:

• Relationships: love life, friendships, family, coworkers
• Career
• Physical health
• Mental health
• Environment
• Finances
• Spiritual life

5. Come back to your values when making decisions

A question for me to ask myself when making decisions because I’ve defined simplicity as a value is “How can I simplify this?”

Or, if I chose the value of abundance, I could ask myself, “If I was feeling abundant right now, what would I choose?”

For playfulness, “how can I make this experience feel more playful?”

6. Reflect on where these values stem from

Once you’ve established your values, I recommend actually reflecting on why you hold these values. For one, it will make it stronger for you to live by them when you’re clear on the reason behind why it’s important to you.

But even more importantly, a lot of our beliefs come from childhood and from what other people have shown us is important. Whether that’s been demonstrated to us by parents who were always valuing “success” and money or felt by us through always being praised for our talents or unique gifts.

Your worthiness is not tied to your values. And it’s important that you recognized that you do not have to do or be a certain way in order to be loved.

The same values can feel dramatically different:

Let’s say as an example, your mother was always worried about looks and it was an important value to her. She constantly made comments about your appearance, and now you find yourself consumed with how you look. This might not be a value that serves you.

This same value of beauty might be a positive value for someone else, who enjoys making everything in their life feel beautiful. It brings them a sense of calm and pleasure to feel and be surrounded by beauty – whether that’s nature, people, or things.

Values should be something that makes you feel good. It should be aligned with the person you want to embody, not the person other people want you to be.

Reflect on that. Talk to a therapist or professional to work through some of this, if needed. It’s something most of us have to do a lot of work around, because we have a lot of years where people had so many opinions about our life, but we’re the ones living it out and we deserve to live authentically.

*We’re an affiliate of Truity – so if you decide to purchase a guide, we’ll receive a small commission. We only recommend brands we love!

We’ve talked about what goals to set based on your enneagram, but what about how to actually stick to them and achieve them?

We all have our individual things when it comes to how we get in our own way, so why not use our personality to work through them, so we can create the life we want and make those goals happen!

Haven’t taken the Enneagram test yet? Take it at Truity.*

Here are some tips for each Enneagram type to work through your roadblocks to stay focused on your goals.

Type 1: The Reformers

Type Ones are always trying to improve upon things, including themselves. They’re naturally inclined toward setting goals.

One of their biggest struggles with sticking to goals is their all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking. If they can’t give it 100%, they might decide to give up altogether instead of making a plan that fits within their lifestyle.

Type 1s can use the ABC Method to create a backup plan for the strategies behind their goals, so that even if they’re having an off day, they can still make progress.

Make the goal to get the task done, instead of having it be perfect – and you’ll be much more likely to stay focused.

Because 1s are so value-focused, they can take themselves and their goals a bit too seriously. Leverage the type 7 that you go to in health to try to have more fun in the progress of going after your goals. Life is supposed to be fun, so try to add in some ways to make it more enjoyable for you in the process.

Type 2: The Helpers

Type 2s are often doing a lot for the people in their lives, and can often set and forget goals because they put others’ needs in front of their own. They’ll drop everything to help and support the people in their lives – which is super admirable, except it means that they’re often neglecting their own needs and vision.

If you’re a type two, start practicing putting yourself first with small practices that you commit to and put it into your calendar as a non-negotiable. As you continue to stick with this small practice, you can work yourself up toward bigger goals – but if you’re in a people-pleasing spiral, small steps will be the best move.

This will require you to say no to some things that come up. Try to remember that when you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. If you are constantly saying no to your own needs, you’re going to be less helpful to the people you love. Save your yeses for when you actually have the capacity to give.

It’s an ongoing process, and you won’t always get it right, but it’s time to put your goals as a priority, twos!

Type 3: The Achievers

Type 3s are natural goal-getters, but they don’t spend much time figuring out whether the goals they’re achieving are aligned with what they really want. They can be really determined to make their lives look a certain way to other people, and what they perceive to be an ideal version of success that they don’t stop enough to ask themselves how they actually feel about it.

A question to ask yourself as an enneagram 3; “Do these goals actually add value to my life and make me feel good?” And “Is this goal something I’m actually excited and curious about or is this just something I think looks impressive or like a successful person would do?”

You are not obligated to put on a performance. Just because you are productive does not mean you should treat yourself (or let others treat you) like a machine.

You get to define what success means, and what’s the point of obtaining an impressive image if you’re miserable?

Type 4: The Individualists

Enneagram Type 4s can be the opposite of Type 3s in that they’re always thinking about how they feel and what they really want – and are less consistent in the action of pursuing the goals.

Type 4s can get caught up in comparison when they’re going after goals, even more than other types. It’s important for them to disconnect from social media when they’re heavy in comparison mode. Because you’re so creative, you really need space away to reconnect to your own vision, instead of letting other people’s progress stifle you.

Make the habits you’re trying to add to your life feel like a ritual. Healthy habits that feel like a pleasurable daily ritual is going to be something you want to stick to, because you enjoy the way it makes you feel.

Tap into your why. It’s easy to forget the reason behind why we’re doing what we’re doing, and more than any other type, 4s need to reconnect and stay focused on the reason and vision behind why they’re going after their goals.

Type 5: The Investigators

Type Fives are curious and interested in diving deep into topics that fascinate them but this can be a distraction mechanism for fives to avoid going after the things they want in life.

Fives can have a tendency to isolate, and a lot of goals require us to bring other people in and allow others to help us or give insight. Fives can compartmentalize a lot, and while doing things on your own is totally fine, it’s important to invite other people in and allow yourself to share your progress and have some accountability on your goals.

If you’re a five and you’re feeling in your head too much and disassociated with your body, be sure to do some practices to reconnect like grounding your feet on the ground outside or doing a walking meditation.

Type 6: The Loyalists

Enneagram 6s typically love planning, especially with a good paper planner!

Type 6s can have a lot of negative self-talk and anxiety as they go after their goals. They are hard workers, but can be quite hard on themselves as well.

It’s important for 6s to get their affirmations from themselves, but it’s also nice to have external validation. If you’re a 6, create a folder on your phone or computer (or you could even print these in a physical file) and put in all the nice messages that you receive from people. Whether these are messages from friends or clients, it’s nice to have a folder to look at when you’re in a spiral of self-doubt.

You could also write a list of goals that you have previously accomplished to remind you of how much you have already been able to do!

6s are super community-oriented, so it can be helpful for them to have accountability groups or to invite trust-worthy friends in as they set new challenges from themselves.

Type 7: The Enthusiasts

When Enneagram 7s tell you about their goals, you can’t help but feel the same excitement about their goals that they do. But what can happen for our life-of-the-party sevens is that after the initial momentum fades, they can get distracted or bored and want to move on to another goal or project.

It’s helpful for sevens to prioritize some time to ground themselves and create space to reflect – which they don’t often prioritize enough, because they’re always on the move. This can be combined with movement by going for a walk (without a podcast or any distractions!)

Use this mindful time to actually reflect and ask yourself whether this goal really isn’t right for them and it’s time to move on – or if the goal is getting hard and they need to push through the discomfort. And then brainstorm some ways you can push past the feeling of monotony and bring back that feeling of fun.

To keep your interest up in a goal as a 7, you can gamify the process. Keep it interesting along the way by making milestones and creating little victories along the way. As a simple example, if you were training to run a marathon, you could make mini-milestones and keep trying to beat your best time.

Type 8: The Challengers

Enneagram 8s are the “get sh*t done” queens. They’re unstoppable when they want something and will do what it takes to get it done.

The place where eights struggle is with taking on too much and having the tendency to resent other people for not contributing as much as them. Eights don’t want to feel taken advantage of, and often will be suspicious of other people’s intentions.

If your goals involve other people as an eight, be mindful that not everyone has the same capacity and get-things-done mindset that you do. And it doesn’t always mean that they are weak or that they are out to get you. Everyone’s priorities and ways of doing things are different – and that’s okay.

Similar to Enneagram 3s, Eights should assess why they’re going after the goals in the first place. Is it so that you feel independent and are perceived as an unstoppable badass? I think a lot of eights have a hunger and need to show people what they’re made of, but it’s important to consider what you actually want in your life. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

Type 9: The Peacemakers

Enneagram 9s are probably the least likely to set goals in the first place, because they can find inner peace without “striving” for anything.

They crave stability and inner peace, and creating an action plan can sometimes feel like a lot to them, especially for Big Picture Goals.

They tend to work best with setting intentions and habits.

With habits, Enneagram 9s should start with one “power habit” that can have a ripple effect across other areas of your life. The simpler the plan, the more likely it is for a Nine to stick and commit to. Focus on the time and place and specifics of where you’re getting it done – or use habit stacking to pair this habit with existing habits you’re already doing.

9s should know that direction is more important than speed. It’s okay if you’re not going at the same pace as other people are. Progress is progress!

Do you resonate with these tips for staying focused on your goals?

*We’re Truity affiliates. If you decide to purchase from them, we’ll receive a small commission at no cost to you. We only recommend things we love!

I heard about the hot girl walk viral trend – and I thought, what a fun concept for getting yourself into a mode where you’re feeling good. It’s not about a superficial feeling of “being hot”, it’s about embodying a mindset of feeling confident and showing up like that.

This roundup is filled with intentional, mindful podcasts that will get you in a good mood and make you feel powerful, independent, and hopefully a little happier.

And by the way, you don’t need to be a girl to enjoy these podcasts – it’s just a fun term, so don’t take it too seriously! ;)

What are Hot Girl Walks?

“Hot girl walks” were coined by Mia Lind from @exactlyliketheothergirls on TikTok. According to Lind, on a “hot girl walk”, you’re only able to think about three things:

1. Things you’re grateful for
2. Your goals and how you’re going to achieve them
3. How hot you are

The idea behind a hot girl walk is to focus on the good things in life, to set your day up for success.

While I believe the hot girl walk is supposed to be 10k steps, I really think of this walk as a way to get into a good mindset, no matter how much time you have to dedicate.

And to just intentionally use your walk time to think positively, feel good, and think about what you want your day and life to feel like. Hotties take care of themselves, right? ;)

Here are some hot girl walk podcasts to start your day with

1. Life Goals In Progress

A motivational, daily-ish podcast to encourage you as you go after your life goals – in 15 minutes or less.

Our founder Coley Lane Bouschet gives you quick, bite-sized inspiration to take with you in your day. She shares relatable stories & tips on what she’s learning on her own personal growth journey, so you can get a dose of motivation for living your best life.

Style: Solo episodes

Frequency: Almost daily

Length: ~10 minutes

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

2. LeadingEdge

If you ask me, one of the best mindset listens is Law of Attraction content from Abraham Hicks. I know the Law of Attraction isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if you’re working on manifesting more positive things into your life, these quick episodes will help you with getting into a better mindset and energy. 

Style: From Abraham Hicks seminars/workshops

Frequency: Biweekly

Length: Under 20 minutes

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

3. Manuka Sunday

This wellness podcast from Mel is all about healing, well-being, and productivity for entrepreneurs. I love Mel’s soothing voice and energy – she’s such good vibes! She talks about optimizing your life, and isn’t afraid to tackle those uncomfy conversations.

Style: A mix of solo episodes and interviews

Frequency: No set schedule

Length: Typically around 50 minutes

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

4. The Chillpreneur Podcast

From the badass entrepreneur, Erin May Henry. If you’re a business owner, this is the perfect business podcast for getting you in a boss mindset. I love Erin’s authenticity, both on her Instagram, YouTube channel and podcast. Her concept of “becoming the coolest person you know” is so inspiring. She’s the perfect fit if you feel like an entrepreneur with a rebellious side!

Style: A mix of solo episodes and interviews

Frequency: No set schedule

Length: 40 minutes – 1 hour

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

5. In Between

The In Between podcast from bffs Astrid and Alexis around lifestyle, travel, fashion, business, relationships and everything in between. It’s all about being in the “in between” stages of growth. I love that they’re tackling transitional times of your life, and it’s a super real podcast that also feels like a fun girls’ chat. 

Style: Podcasts with the two hosts

Frequency: Weekly

Length: About an hour

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

6. The Self-Love Fix

Beatrice Kamau is an embodiment coach helping WOC dive deeper into self-love and personal development. She shares tips on navigating self doubt, healing and relationships, and dating in 2022. As Beatrice puts it, “This podcast is all about helping you shift from shame, people-pleasing, codependency, low self-esteem, and self-doubt and into alignment, expansion, and unapologetic self-trust through spirituality and healing the inner-child.”

Style: Mostly solo episodes with some interviews

Frequency: Weekly

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

7. I Love You So Much With Kenzie Elizabeth

YouTuber and Content Creator, Kenzie Elizabeth’s podcast is such a relatable, uplifting podcast especially when you’re in your twenties. She chats reading, mental health, friendships and more.

Style: A mix of interviews and solo episodes

Frequency: Weekly

Length: 30-50 minutes

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

8. Just Glow With It

Jasmine Shah’s podcast is such an uplifting self-care podcast aimed to “guide you on your journey of becoming your best self and manifesting your dream life.” She shares tips for the modern, spiritual and ambitious women.

Style: Mostly solo episodes

Frequency: Weekly

Length: About 30 minutes

Listen on Spotify. Listen on Apple Podcasts.

What’s your favorite hot girl walk podcast? Tell us what you’re listening to in the comments!

Looking for more podcast recommendations? We got you:

• Motivational Podcasts On Intentional Living
• Podcasts For Becoming Your Best Self
• Career-Focused Podcasts for Starting A Business

The enneagram is based on our core motivations, fears, and desires. If you don’t know your type yet and want a detailed assessment, you can get that at Truity.*

These goals and action steps are based on what each type typically needs more help working on, based on those fears and desires.

Any desire, goal, or dream you have for your life is possible, no matter what enneagram type you are. These are just some small goals and habits each type could benefit from exploring deeper and having more awareness around, so you can become the best version of yourself.

More Enneagram Blogs:

• Find Your Dream Career, Based On Your Enneagram
• Add More Play Into Your Life, Based On Your Enneagram
• Work From Home Tips, Based On Your Enneagram
• What Planner You Should Use, Based On Your Enneagram

Enneagram Type 1: The Reformer

The 1s core motivation is to be good and have integrity.

Ones are committed to their values, can be practical, and have a fear around not doing things correctly.

As a one, it’s hard for you to get out of perfectionism mode. It’s important to practice not taking life so seriously! Ones go to type 7 when they’re healthy, which are the fun-loving enthusiasts.

Try to take some time to play – and remember that there is no right or wrong way to play. The point is simply to be present and to bring out that inner child in you that wants to feel carefree. This feeling might be something you haven’t experienced in a while.

Try out something from this list of play ideas.

Recognize how unsolicited advice can feel. Sometimes what we think is helpful advice isn’t going to be perceived that way, especially when someone is excited about what they’re working on. You don’t always need to give input.

There’s that saying that when you point a finger at someone else, there are four more pointing back at you. Reflect on the ways in which we’re all imperfect.

Enneagram Type 2: The Helper

The two’s core motivation is to be needed and appreciated.

Because as a two you love to be needed, you often bite off more than you can chew – and end up feeling resentful when you’re giving too much.

And while you have no problem taking time for other people, doing the same for yourself can be more of a struggle.

Start practicing saying no when you’re at capacity or don’t want to do something. Saying yes to something means you’re saying no to something else that you actually want to do. And even when you want to say yes, recognize when you’re already at capacity. Because ignoring your own needs won’t allow you to show up as your best self for the yeses you do give.

Take yourself out on a date. Treat yourself the way that you treat others, and spend extra time romanticizing yourself – even if it feels totally unnatural and weird at first.

Enneagram Type 3: The Achiever

Our three’s core motivation is to be valued and affirmed.

Good goals for 3s are based on figuring out what they truly want.

3s are already so achievement-oriented, but they spend less time reflecting on who they really are, and what will bring true fulfillment.

Your self-worth does not come from what you do and what you achieve – do some reflecting on the things you’re doing just to prove yourself, that you don’t actually enjoy.

Do less of what you don’t genuinely enjoy, and spend your time doing what brings you true fulfillment and joy. Even though you can get a lot done in your day, you should still prioritize based on what actually lights you up, and not just what looks impressive to others.

Instead of the typical, “relax” advice that 3s always receive, I’ll give you this: Try out more active relaxation practices to start dabbling in more relaxation. These are activities that still feel like you’re doing something. This could look like doing a body scan, going to a yoga class, or doing a walking meditation.

Enneagram Type 4: The Individualist

A four’s core motivation is to be deeply understood.

Fours can be very creative, unique, authentic, and emotional. Focus isn’t the strongest quality of a 4, and it can be hard to ride the emotional wave of accomplishing a goal.

Practice sticking with commitments, and see them through. You don’t need to know where it’s going; you simply need to just keep taking the next steps. Make those steps fun and enjoyable, make your space feel aesthetic, and just focus on the process step-by-step so you don’t get overwhelmed.

Take a break from social media. Staying in your creative power means you need to be creating more than you are consuming – and if you’re feeling uninspired, you can probably see a correlating high screen time to account for that!

Practice awareness around how it feels to be reactive vs responsive. As a four, you can feel the need to let it all out, but sometimes the person you’re letting it out to isn’t used to emotions being expressed in the way you are. It doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but take the time you need to process emotions first, so you can decipher how you really feel.

Create a “time out” plan in your relationship, so you know you’ll get back to the topic while allowing each other to think things through before saying things you don’t mean.

Enneagram Type 5: The Investigator

A fives motivation is to be knowledgable and competent.

Communicate your need to recalibrate. It’s okay that you need alone time, but other people might take that personally if they don’t know why you always decline invites or want to leave the party early.

Notice when you’re getting involved deeply in tasks as a way of avoiding.

You can have a tendency toward not wanting to need anything from anyone else or to not want other people’s opinions involved too heavily in your life, but that can lead to isolation. Invite someone into an area of your life that you have previously kept private.

You are a thinker, which is awesome, but feeling emotions is important too. And sometimes you just need to practice following your intuition, even if it’s not entirely logical.

As a five, you can have a tendency to become disconnected from your body. Get back into your body, by finding a movement practice that you enjoy, even if it’s just taking walks. Or as an alternative or addition to physical exercise, do a breathing exercise regularly.

Enneagram Type 6: The Loyalist

Sixes are motivated by feeling safe and secure in community.

Your anxieties can prevent you from feeling confident in yourself, and your ability to make things happen on your own. It’s important to step into uncertainty as a regular practice so that you can build trust in yourself, one step at a time.

Notice when you’re in an overthinking spiral. Don’t judge it, just simply recognize that it’s happening.

You will never be 100% ready, and you can never compile enough information to prevent you from getting hurt or rejected. You have to practice taking the risk, and trust that if it doesn’t go the way you want, you will be okay.

If you’re doubting your skills as you go after your goals, remember the things you have already accomplished. Write a list of things you have done successfully. And if you’re doubting in other people, it’s okay to create boundaries with them. But also recognize the awesome things people have done in your life too. There are lots of people worthy of your trust.

Compile an evidence bank – a box or digital folder filled with positive notes from people in your life, so you can have reminders that you are capable when you need them.

Enneagram Type 7: The Enthusiast

A seven’s core motivation is to be free to explore possibilities, without limits.

You’re all about the experiences and living life to the fullest, but you can also be keeping busy to avoid dealing with painful emotions. It’s important to process your emotions, and running from one thing to another can only help you avoid dealing with them for so long.

Make room for stillness and reflection. I know your preference is to be on the go, but there are a lot of benefits to staying in one place for a little while. Start with going on long walks, without using a podcast as a distraction.

Add a journaling practice into your routine – maybe a journal that allows you a new prompt for each day to keep it interesting. Or, start a bullet journal that gives you the flexibility to design it however you want. But be sure to actually write out your feelings.

And while making new friends is always super fun, prioritize building deeper relationships with your existing community!

Enneagram Type 8: The Challenger

Eights’ core motivation is being self-reliant.

As an eight, you feel like you are the one who can take care of you. And you often feel like your vulnerability can be exploited.

Notice when you’re overcommitting, and realize that you don’t always have to try so hard. Resentment can build when you feel like you put in a lot of effort when other people aren’t doing the same level of output as you. But just because you decide to put in a lot of work (and get results) doesn’t always mean that other people are taking advantage of you.

Find a person you trust to open up with about something. Being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak. This person can be a therapist and remember that you’re not likely to find the right therapist for you on the first try. It’ll be a little like dating before you find the right person to open up with.

Tap into your altruistic trait (and get into healthy enneagram 2 mode) and make it a regular practice to do an act of kindness. Whether it’s volunteering somewhere or making it a priority to help others when you spot a need.

Enneagram Type 9: The Peacemaker

Our nines are motivated to be at peace – on an inner and outer level.

It’s helpful for 9s to set goals with the mindset of focusing on one core area at a time and making a habit-based plan that fits within your lifestyle. Remember that one power habit, like working out or cooking healthy dinners, can have a ripple effect across several areas of your life.

Explore the things you’re curious about, and try not to get too wrapped up in all the aspects involved in it. Once you find something you enjoy, lean into your growth side (the enneagram 3 achiever) and allow yourself to take it one step at a time.

Write down positive affirmations or aspects that you love about yourself, and remember that you are worthy of taking up space and going after your dreams. A regular worthiness practice is helpful for you to keep reminding yourself of this fact.

Which enneagram type are you and will you set any of these goals this week?

Looking for a career that is actually designed for you?

This Enneagram Career Guide is an interactive workbook designed to help you find the career path that helps you find a career aligned with your motivations and personality. If you’ve been thinking, “I just don’t know what to do with my life,” this guide might be the perfect thing for you to get unstuck.

Psst. You can get 10% off with the code: coley.

I also like to make lists of the various things I want to get around to; coffee shops to visit, lyrics I want to remember, story ideas, and things to circle back to when I get a chance.

Lists don’t just inform the things we think we should be doing or getting around to; lists portray our intentions and expectations, and beyond this, our anxieties and self-criticisms.

With lists forming such a vital part of many of our days, how can we use them more effectively and productively to help us achieve our goals instead of simply being a place-holder for them?

Transmuting Our Goals to Paper

Lists of all kinds have their benefits and drawbacks. Psychologists, the ever-curious folk they are, have sought to uncover the how and why of list-making and its role across our broader psychological functioning.

Let’s take a look at the humble To-Do list for starters. We’re taught from a young school-age when things feel overwhelming, or we have a lot to get done, the solution is simple; create a To-Do list.

Psychologists have found that this is pretty sage advice. We’re hardwired to function better when we have a plan.

In the 1920s, Zeigarnik found that people recall finished tasks more accurately than unfinished ones. In their creatively titled research paper, Consider it done! Plan making can eliminate the cognitive effects of unfulfilled goals, psychologists Baumeister and Masicampo (2011) built on previous research from Russian psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik.

Baumeister and Masicampo wanted to explore why this happens and what factors influence a finished or unfinished task. They found that:

• People perform better at a task once they create a concrete plan for completing it.
• Breaking a task down into a list of smaller steps made them more likely to finish the task.

Essentially, when we plan out our tasks, we’re more likely to work through them to completion and avoid becoming side-tracked as we know that each task will be given its own time to work on in due course.

Which sounds wonderfully simple, albeit a tad optimistic. As anyone anywhere who has ever written a To-Do list will know – it’s never that simple. But this research does provide great insight into why taking a goal, breaking it down, and writing out how we’re going to achieve it can really motivate us to get it done.

Rethinking the Role of Lists for Goal Achievement

While I might like to dedicate a portion of my morning to developing a clear To-Do list for the day, my enlightened morning ritual rarely makes it past midday.

Sometimes even the most articulate list of tasks and goals never gets finished as procrastination kicks in, and we somehow manage to find any number of suitably ‘important’ but relatively non-essential activities to get stuck into.

Some days we have to accept that lists aren’t the answer – or not in the way we might currently be thinking about them.

The current #hustle culture often applauds and promotes collecting accolades and projects, but it doesn’t allow breathing room to stop and ask the questions:

• Are these the right accolades and projects I should be doing? 

• How do these things add real value to my life? 

• Does being involved with them keep me 100 percent engaged? Do they consume me while I’m doing them, or does a part of me die inside when I see it on the list?

Henry David Thoreau advises that we keep our accounts on our thumbnail – the shorter, the better. Rethinking the role of lists in supporting us to achieve goals means turning a focus to quality over quantity.

We often overestimate what we can accomplish in a day and underestimate what we can achieve in a week, month or year. This longer-term view on our lists could be the answer to real progress.

Jim Collins, educator and author, details a turning point for him when one of his graduate professors asked him to reflect on a common query. In a post for the USA Today, he explains:

“Suppose you woke up tomorrow and received two phone calls. The first call tells you that you’ve inherited $20 million. The second tells you that you have a terminal disease with no more than ten years to live. What would you do differently, and what would you stop doing?”

Through this task, Collins made a complete reassessment of where he was at, what he was giving his time and energy to, and what he would rather be doing. He describes this as a pivotal moment in changing the way he approached his work and his entire career trajectory. Instead of a To-Do list – he created a Stop Doing List.

To start curating your Stop-Doing list, Collins suggests asking the following:

• What are you deeply passionate about?

• What activities do you feel just “made to do”?

• What makes economic sense? 

• What can you make a living doing?

Your real goal list for life begins at the intersection of these questions.

When we reframe how lists can influence us to make changes and be productive, we can see how we might use them to motivate us towards the more significant changes we want to make in life.

Now, instead of simply writing out a list of tasks for the day while I drink my morning coffee, I’m thinking of just one thing I want to focus on that will lead to me achieving the goals I want for my life. It might be something I need to do, but it might also be something I need to stop doing.

I’m hoping that over the course of this year, it will slowly help me finally reach some of those more challenging goals that have been on my list for awhile but never seemed to get anywhere.