Everyone has ideas of what they want, but very few people actually follow through with them without settling for something that feels safer.
In our twenties, we are so obsessed with discovering ourselves and figuring out what it is that we even want.
But what I feel is the worse than not knowing what you want is when you know what you want and choose to settle for something that isn’t that.
It’s hard to figure out what you want in life, and even harder to admit it to yourself.
And what’s EVEN harder than that is to actually make the decision to not accept anything less. Whether it’s in your relationships, in your career, in where you choose to live, etc.
People talk about going after what you want like it’s easy breezy. But deciding not to settle for less than what you want is SO freaking challenging, and frankly, most people do not do this.
Because you’re constantly being given options that look good enough.
You’re scared you’ll never find the partner you really want, so you settle for a partner who gives you attention. On a deeper level, you fear that you don’t deserve the person you want.
Or you’re scared you can’t create a successful business, so you stay in the 9-5 with benefits.
You know what you want, but you’re terrified that you’ll never get it – so you opt for the safer, “good enough” route. And then you find yourself saying everyone who is following your dreams is just LUCKY.
It’s hard to have confidence that waiting and persisting is going to pay off.
But what I’ve found is that people either find acceptance in the safer route and find themselves just as happy. Or, they settle for the safer route and are resentful that they didn’t actually go after what they wanted. They complain and don’t change it.
There are a few things that have helped me with my mindset around going after what I want and not settling. And let me tell you, this is an ongoing PROCESS. It’s not a one-time thing or something that you always get right. It’s something to constantly be evaluating and working on.
Here’s the three step system to getting what you want and never settling.
1. Manifesting
The way I see it, the best perspective to have is to love where you’re at, while knowing that you are going to do my darnedest to stay firm in your belief that what you want is on its way. Things will continue to get better – and you’re also happy where you are.
With this manifesting mindset, there’s no desperate energy. There’s no wishful thing and negative thinking – it’s simply, I’m happy (or at minimum, accepting) about this and I want more of that. When I’m doing this well, there are no timeline expectations. There’s this inner knowing that what I desire is on its way. Or, maybe something even better that I couldn’t have anticipated. I’ll take either. 😉
The reason I feel like this mindset is so important is that if you’re constantly chasing future happiness, you’ll never find it. Or it will be so fleeting that it’s not worth it. But if you can be happy in your present state when it’s not picture-perfect, you’re much more likely to achieve your goals and also not place your self-worth where it doesn’t belong.
@r.h.sin2. Willingness to walk away
There are so many things that will pop up that give you the option to take actions that feel good at the moment and bad in the future.
And in order to stay focused on what you want, you will often need to choose to take actions that align with it. Sometimes, that means being willing to walk away from the person you love and hold firm in the boundaries you set because they’re not treating you well. Or staying firm when asking for a raise, and being willing to walk away from the job if they don’t accept.
3. Accepting it wasn’t meant for you
When you do have to walk away or something doesn’t work out that you wanted, the next step is finding acceptance. To trust the process, essentially. What is meant for you WILL find its way back to you.
This is an ongoing journey and one that you will get wrong constantly.
If you’re like me, you’re used to making choices out of scarcity and feeling like if you let this (relationship, job, etc.) go, there won’t be anything better out there.
And once you realize that 1) that’s absurd, there totally will be and 2) you’ll be okay if there isn’t, you can start releasing some of this tension you’re feeling. Because being in a relationship/career/etc isn’t what should define your happiness.
Society tells us what we should want and therefore, we buy into this belief that if we’re not married with kids by the time we’re in our early thirties, we’re doing it wrong. And there’s not just pressure from ourselves to live up to certain standards, but expectations from everyone else that we should be following a specific route.
I’m here to tell you that what you want is not only entirely possible, but also that you don’t need to want what everyone else wants. Define your own path, and never settle for anything less – unless you want to.
